A Distant Echo
by wurd-god
Summary: When a woman with secrets finds herself in Bon Temps and inexplicably drawn to a certain vampire, what's she got to do to find her own way? *Retired*
1. The Birthing of Gods

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**Hello! **__Just a quick note to everyone: I didn't base this on the books; in fact I took what I wanted from the television series and ran with it. So if there are any diehard book verse readers out there, please don't be offended. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**The Birthing of Gods**

_Bon Temps. _Even the name was synonymous with boredom, mud, swamps, endless drinking and stupidity to kill time. Which inevitably would mean bugs. And I hate bugs. I'm not saying I don't enjoy earth, I do. I enjoy it with a grain of salt, a passerby to it. Not something I like to indulge in too much, lest I get overfilled. I love the city, I know I'm a city girl and I'm not ashamed. New York was my favorites; anything busy really. Though it's easy to get lost in a place like that but I had a purpose and I got paid well for that purpose.

I never lived there longer than it took me to finish a job, give or take a few days but I refused to lie in wait for my enemies to find me. I moved around from a young age and I learned to accept my family's gypsy ways. When I was old enough, or shall I say, when I finally found my calling, I grasped onto it and made my own way.

In actuality, I don't ever remember making a conscientious decision to stop in Bon Temps. I thought that it'd be nice to stay a day or two when the job a few towns over was done and I'd visit and leave again; I had a soft spot for small towns. They appealed to the child in me and I thought maybe I could take it all in for those two days.

But, then I found myself shaking hands with a realtor and handing over half of the money I made on a recent job to the conniving shark. There was no decent, concrete thought, just this feeling I had. That maybe, I could make this work. Yes, it was a stupid thought but it felt right at that moment. I could trapeze across the world on jobs and come back to my quaint southern house where no one would even suspect I would be. I mean, who has ever heard of someone as dangerous as I, settling down? The idea was preposterous, so I knew I'd be safe.

I made sure to buy a house outside of the town's limits, it had cost more but I hate snoopy people and I knew for a fact that small town people were nosy buggers, especially neighbors. And let's face it, what I did for a living was still frowned upon in society and even though society was forgiving, I knew they weren't that forgiving.

Since the fangs came out a while back, I thought…maybe, just maybe they were ready to accept the dirty little secrets. But I realized with the many more jobs I got involving the backlash and the fangs; that it didn't matter. I don't think people realized that it took people like me to keep society as clean as it was. We were like spiders, eating all of the flies that were unfortunate enough to cross paths but; people were still ungrateful. I took the jobs I wanted and went on my way, got paid quite fairly and I was fine with the dangers. It was the dangers that really made me feel alive. The more dangerous the job and the more they asked from me, whether I was allowed to be the judge and executioner or just the bailiff, there was still money being thrown at me. I was selfish, my job made me selfish but that was fine. There was only me and I liked it that way.

I used to only accept jobs that required me to find the person and bring them back; I thought it was the safest route. But then human behavior got in the way and I found circumstances were changing. People no longer wanted to face their problems; they would so much rather pay more for me to handle the dirty work and get rid of their dirty, shameful secrets. So I took care of their problems after I found them, it was easy to make people disappear. I never allowed myself to think of their life stories or their own circumstances. The day that I did was the day that I became human, and I didn't want that.

I lived a simplistic life, with few bearings to hold me down. I had four duffel bags and one filled with my large itinerary that I needed to take care of jobs. One would think with all of the money I have, that I'd live extravagantly. But what was the point if it would draw attention and get me killed? Yes, I liked making money but what I did for a living wasn't about the money. I liked what I did, the hunting…everything was a thrill for me. The money was just the cherry on top.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, realizing it needed to get cut when it fell just below my chest. I let it get dangerously long and I knew from experience that it would be easy to rip my head back in a fight.

I stared around the living room in desolation. I wanted a television; that I was sure of. It was easier to watch the news that way than rifle through the town's trivial newspaper. I made a mental checklist of what I wanted to adorn my little house with. Maybe a few chairs? I was pretty lucky that the old owner had upped and died, leaving the place with a few things the family didn't want. I had a working fridge, a laundry machine and dryer and a table. Everything else, I could accumulate. I would make sure to buy things with spaces between each purchase; I didn't want anyone to know I was well off. Then they'd start asking questions, and that was what I didn't want at all.

I knew I'd have to start slowly leaving my humble abode and meeting the folks around town. Even though I didn't want to, I knew that if I stayed a recluse, it would draw more attention to me and people would start getting suspicious. What do normal people do when moving to a new place? Buy groceries and…. get a job! Yes, I should find a job, something that wasn't too difficult and get me in the heart of the town. That way I wouldn't have to do too much socializing on the side.

With that positive thought whirling around in my head, I grabbed my car keys, made sure to lock up behind me, though I don't think the people hunting me would be stopped by a stupid lock and walked to my low key car. Everything about me was about not drawing attention, being so simple and plain that I would get overlooked in a crowd; and they would never even see me strike.

I drove around aimlessly through the winding roads. The sun was just slowly starting to set when my eyes found a sign, lighting up the darkened sky around it. _Merlotte's _the sign read and I knew then that I would find something there for me. Even if they didn't know it yet.


	2. Changing Skins

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**Thank you.**_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Changing Skins**

I pushed open the door of the bar, wincing as I got a good look of what lay inside. _Merlotte's_ seemed like such a harmless quaint name for a bar but the insides just screamed hick, and in that instant I realized I might have overdressed, even though I was wearing jeans and a shirt. I shook my head at my thoughts and quickly scanned the patrons, no one I knew and no one that seemed important enough to talk to.

I settled myself at the bar, knowing it would only take a second for someone to saunter over to me and take my order. Say what you like about small towns but from what I surmised, they were always willing to help out.

"Can I help you?" A man asked with a heavy five o'clock shadow beard and sandy colored hair.

I placed my _happy, optimistic smile _on my face, "Yes, you can. Can I have a beer?" Not that I really drank beer or anything for that matter. You never know when someone could attack you or you find the person you're looking for, and you needed a clear head for that. I accepted the beer and slid a fiver his way; even I had to admit, he wasn't bad on the eyes. His pants were a wee bit tight and so was his cowboy style shirt but I wasn't complaining.

"Where you from?" He asked, his drawl slowing the words down. One thing that always got me was how slow they spoke, or so it seemed with their accent.

Thankfully mine was paved by none, I traveled too often and learned to tone down any traces of where I've been; it was safer that way. "Here and there. What's you name?" I asked trying for my prettiest doe eyed expression.

"Sam. Sam Merlotte." He extended his hand and I grasped it shaking his hand, ignoring the familiar pinprick sensation. He didn't even seem to notice and I knew from experience the other person rarely felt anything, it was always me that felt the knots in my stomach. I knew what the cause was and I knew immediately what he was. I might not know what kind of supernatural _thing_ he was but I knew there was something supernatural to him.

I normally would call him a freak but then what would I be with my powers too? Even the word _powers_ made me want to gag at the over dramatic edge to it. What I did certainly wasn't over-the-top but it certainly wasn't normal.

"Erin. Erin Doyle." I exchanged, grasping another name out of the hat. I never gave anyone my real name, I never wanted to give someone the power to truly know me and I always felt that giving someone your name gave them power over you. And I'd be damned if I gave anyone permission to go power crazy on me.

I leaned closer, "Can I ask you a question?"

Sam nodded leaning closer to me also, not even a hint of wariness in his gaze. Were people in small towns so trusting or was it just him? "Sure you can."

"Do you know where I can get a job?" I asked trying to make myself sound in distress, "I just moved here and I really need to start bringing home the bread and butter. I can cook and—"

I knew I hit the jackpot when he looked at me hesitantly and quickly glanced around the bar before letting his eyes settle back on me, "Can you cook well?"

I nodded, knowing this was the one truth to my entire life of lies, "Yes, in an other life I went to cooking school and passed with honors."

Sam seemed impressed with that and nodded more to himself than anything, "Okay, you can wait tables as a trial run and if I like you, you can move to the kitchen."

I smiled triumphantly, "When can I start?"

Sam pushed a platter of drinks over to me, "Right now. Bring that to the table in the corner."

I nodded and grasped the platter, not even wincing at the weight of it. It must have impressed Sam because his eyebrows lifted a fraction. What can I say? Lifting dead weight sure built up body strength.

The rest of the night passed by without a hitch. I memorized every name and face along with his or her personal ticks, got to work besides a woman named Dawn and another one named Arlene. I could have cared less about the girl named Dawn; she seemed like any other petty insecure nymphomaniac. But Arlene I could handle, she asked questions I knew were going to be asked and I deftly dodged; all along her head was in the clouds and she was chattering away.

I found myself in Sam's office with him watching me and me watching him. I was never one to complain about silence so I waited for him to break, "You did good out there."

"Thanks. It was easy, actually." I smiled lightly. Waiting tables would only help me in the long run, it would be easier for me to spot an outcaste and sift through the hunted and hunters.

Sam smirked, "Well, I don't know about that. But you got natural talent…" He waited and I realized he wasn't so much as studying me as deciding if I should either wait tables or work in the kitchen. I still preferred the kitchen; people could always leave me alone there. "I guess I should call in your coworkers so you don't surprise them. I doubt you'll be working with both at the same time; the kitchen ain't that big enough for those two already."

I nodded and waited for the other two people he called in to come. Lafayette and Terry. Hmm, interesting names and before I could really start to web out who I thought they would be, two men walked in. Well, one man walked and the other flaunted in. My eyes settled on the quiet one of the two, or the most introverted.

"Hmm, who's this fine piece of—" The other man asked. I didn't dislike him for it, we all had our roles to play and he was simply playing his. Plus, I doubted he was attracted to me, he was probably attracted to the other two in the room.

The other man elbowed him but didn't take his eyes off of me. He nodded and glanced waiting impatiently for Sam to introduce us. I started tapping my toes earning me a smirk from both of the men.

"This here is Erin. Erin this is—" Sam begun.

Lafayette swept in and bowed, "This here is Lafayette at your service."

I nodded and let my eyes settle on the handsome man, "And you?"

He swallowed audibly but didn't dare tear his eyes away from mine, "Terry."

"And she's going to be working in the kitchen with you guys." Sam broke the news.

Lafayette snorted and Terry looked ill. It took me a minute to realize I wasn't in a city but a small town with traditional, small ideals. What kind of mistake did I make again? "What's the problem?" I snapped.

Lafayette rolled his eyes on me, "You, my girl are so skinny you probably couldn't lift a feather. And we wouldn't want to break your nails."

I sighed and flipped him the bird for him to inspect, "I bite my nails. And try fifty pounds in each arm."

"I like her." Lafayette commented to Sam who only nodded and turned his back on us to count bills at his table opposite his desk. Who needed two desks?

Guessing we were dismissed, I shrugged and moved forward angling myself away from my other co-workers to the door but almost bit out a curse when Lafayette grabbed me from my wrist. I had to literally force myself not to attack, what could I say? My instincts were strong and he pushed my limits.

"Who gets the shift with her tomorrow?" Lafayette asked loudly to Sam.

"Terry." He answered not even budging away from his desk to glance up at us.

Lafayette smiled mischievously at me and tried kissing my hand but I snatched it away from him. "I'll see you the next day then, dolly."

"You know, I would be so freaked out right now if you liked women." We both smirked and I shoved him lightly away from me, "Eat shit and die, Lafayette."

"You too, honey." He called back to me, both of us quietly laughing to ourselves. All the tough words but I knew I would have fun working with him. I might even like working here.

I barely noticed I was being followed but I made my way to the kitchen to scope out what I had to work with. I winced when my eyes settled on dirty chaos scattered everywhere.

"He makes messes but he's fast." I heard a voice behind me quietly say.

I whirled around bumping my hip on the counter and felt Terry's warm hands grasp onto my arms to settle me, "It's small."

He shrugged and reluctantly removed his hands from my now cold arms, "It makes do."

I nodded and turned back, righting myself. Terry was dangerous, with his tall stature, five o'clock beard, light brown hair that almost reached his shoulders and his damn quiet enigmatic silence that he exuded. I bet if he smiled, it would melt an iceberg.

"Why did you look disgusted when Sam said I would be working in the kitchen?" The question slipped out before I could help myself.

I heard a sigh, "Are you working in a kitchen because you think you should be?" He asked and before I could help myself I let out a little laugh.

I turned around and smiled at him, "What?"

"It's just…you're a woman and I don't want you to think that you have to work in a kitchen." He shrugged.

I tried not rolling my eyes; he was sweet, in an awkward displaced way. I wondered what he would do if I told him what I really do for a living or what I could do with my mind. "I'm working in a kitchen because I like to cook and I need a job. Plus, I don't think it really matters what you think." I said kindly. I liked him, but that was all I would allow myself. "I'll see you tomorrow night, big guy." I moved around him and out the door, any longer and I wouldn't have made it, any closer and we would have been indecent.

I pulled my keys outside of my pocket and stepped outside of the stifling bar, inhaling the night air deeply. Walking to my car, I let my mind wander. Who would have known I'd be working for a boss who had secrets and was hiding what he really was. It was nice with my powers that I could easily pick up on anything supernatural, but the best part was what I could really do.

I stopped two feet away from my car door and focused on the lock through my window. I remember there was a time when it would take hours for me to move something without touching it but now it only took a second with minimal concentration. I forced myself not to blink and stared a second longer at the lock and smiled triumphantly when the doors unlocked. There were some ups to my telekinesis and my only down was that no one must know. I mean, I thought Sam was a freak but what would I be with what I did for a living plus my powers? I'd be hunted faster than a fang.

I've already started settling myself here and changing skins came easily for me. I didn't know my plans or future promises and I learned from an early age to make due and live each day as it came. So tomorrow, I would do something I've never done before. I would sleep in.


	3. By My Own Volition

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**By My Own Volition**

I stared at my reflection in my bathroom mirror and winced. I might not have been grade-A model material but I believed everyone was beautiful, they just didn't know it; they somehow had to find their way and use what they had to their advantage. I never really thought out my wardrobe or how I really looked, my intentions were simply to remain faceless. But I felt somehow that Bon Temps was different, god help me, maybe I was starting to become one of those mindless girls who slept with a new man every night. No, I'd shoot myself before I became someone like Dawn.

I had to work later on tonight and I knew if I didn't stop into town and pick up a few things before work then I'd never get the chance. And I really did not want to smell like a few of the bar patrons either. I revved my car, making my way into town with Sam on my mind. It was odd to find someone like him in a small town like this, maybe he was hiding out and it only begged the question; who else was hiding out in Bon Temps? It seemed this place was harboring a whole bunch of freaks and I included myself in that sentiment.

I barely paid heed to my surroundings, something that I usually always did, my livelihood was at stake. But even though I was focused on throwing things into my shopping basket and ignoring the speculative looks the clerk was giving me, I was aware of where people stood in relation to me. So I didn't trust people, I sure as hell did not trust said people at my back.

"So, you're the new girl in town."

I heard a voice drawl in front of me and I looked up, above the aisle at a woman who vaguely resembled Lafayette, "Seems like it."

She whistled, eyebrows raising, "Whoa, seems like she's also got an attitude."

"Only when she's being measured up." I shrugged, I did not feel like a verbal spar today and if she was indeed related to Lafayette, then I was screwed anyway.

She broke out in an honest grin and I knew right then and there that I might like her, just like I liked Lafayette. But I'd be damned if I told either of them that. "I'm Tara."

"Erin." I reached over the aisle and shook her hand she offered. I wasn't surprised when I felt no zip, I was also glad too. At least it was only Sam and I so far that were the freaks.

"So, Erin…what brings you to Bon Temps?" She asked.

I raised my eyebrow but continued on adding more things to the basket, "Is that a question from Tara? Or is that a question from the nosy locals?"

She shrugged and added a few things she knew I would need, mosquito repellant, a fly swatter and mousetraps. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this small town thing after all. "I heard you were working at Merlotte's too."

"You know more about me then I do." I grudgingly admitted, "How is it possible that I just got the job late last night and already people know?" I waited a beat and realized this place had made me speechless and not in a good way either.

I glanced at her and she probably read my disgust because she laughed, "I know, I know. They're nosy…and…I have nothing nice to say." She admitted and we shared a quiet laugh.

My eyes flickered to the clock and I blanched, "Is that really the time?" I asked aloud and could have shot myself. Of course it was the time, I slept in till noon and took my sweet ass time getting here. I didn't realize that Tara and I had been talking for a little over an hour and the poor clerk looked like she was going to either have a seizure or shoot both of us. "I have to go, my shift starts at four and…I want to get there a little early."

She rolled her eyes and walked with me as I made my way to the clerk giving us the hairy eye, "Hey Denise, this here is the new girl and no, she's not married."

I looked up from my wallet to stare unwavering at the woman, if I was in the city I would have knocked her down a peg but I doubt this town would let me live if I did that. "Hey Denise. I don't plan on marrying either."

I accepted the receipt and change, letting Tara help me grab the bags from the counter, before we made it to the door, I looked over my shoulder and called back to her, "I'm too busy having orgies at my place anyway." I said sweetly, letting the door shut out Tara's laughter.

We exchanged numbers and after I told her that I really wasn't the social type, I like to do things by myself, she looked at me oddly but went off to do her thing, promising next time we would just go for dinner instead. I zipped through town, praising my mind for my photographic memory once again and arrived ten minutes early for my shift.

I was looking forward to working in the kitchen and sweating things out. I hadn't received a case yet, which was fine by me, it had only been a few days from the one I last finished. That one was a doozy; who knew trying to make a three hundred pound man disappear would take that much chemicals? Not even I knew the human body was that resilient.

My mind wandered over to Sam once again and betrayed me when I began thinking about Terry. I grabbed my bag with an extra change of clothes and locked my car door behind me all the while thinking how nice it would be to run my hand through Terry's hair. Damn my mind for becoming traitorous, I cursed loudly. I didn't need any distractions and I certainly did not need a bona fide six-foot tall-subdued man to become that distraction either. I had to go out and maybe hit the town outside of this small place, then maybe then, after a few loud songs and sways to the beat, I could forgot me wanting to get busy with him.

I shoved past the door and briskly walked towards the back of the bar when something or someone barreled into me, "Sorry." I mumbled still trying to move past the roadblock.

But apparently that roadblock refused to let me go, especially when it was squeezing my arm, "Oh, hello…you must be the new cook Sam hired."

I looked away from the kitchen wiping away any traces of my earnest to go there quietly in peace and stared at the woman holding my arm. She was wearing a waitress uniform and I quickly rifled through Arlene's chatter from last night and surmised this must have been Sookie. With her bleach blonde curly hair tied into a ponytail and a smile that bordered on insincere.

I felt something touch my mind and I frowned. It felt faint but still was there, too strong too ignore but weak enough to try to focus on. Like someone was trying to probe my brain, "Yes, Erin." I said realizing there had been a lull in the conversation and we had stood there staring at each other for a long few seconds.

"Sookie." She tried smiling but it faltered. There must have been something about me that she couldn't thumb down but I still accepted the hand she extended.

And I gasped. The shock was stronger than Sam's and I knew from contact with her hand that it was her that was trying to probe and read my mind. I never did do well with mind readers. They could never read my mind because of my own power and I always felt the need to throw them against the wall with my power to teach them a lesson in violation.

I pulled my hand back and we both frowned at each other, "What are you?" She quietly asked.

I frowned harder and rubbed the hand she touched on my jeans, trying to rub out the tingling sensation, "Don't you try to read my mind! I don't need that shit, you psycho freak." I snapped quietly.

Her eyes widened and I saw anger growing in her dull blue eyes, "I'm not the freak!" She defended and continued ignoring my look of disbelief, "And if I was, then I bet you're one too."

I pulled away from her, making sure there was distance between us, how dare she turn her trying to violate my mind into making this about me being wrong and her being right. "What the hell did you just say?"

"I said that you're the freak too. I mean, how the hell else do you know that I was trying to read your mind…you have powers too don't you?" Sookie quietly asked closing the distance between us.

She was good; I'd give her that. She was sharp and I knew that I'd have to watch myself around her, I hope that she wouldn't be my enemy, I wouldn't mind having an ally like her. Even though she annoyed me.

"Leave me alone. Don't talk to me; don't come near me. Let's just pretend that we've never met." I said realizing that maybe the ally thing wouldn't work out. We both had our pride and we both would probably die before we admitted our own selves.

She pulled a face, "You don't have to be such a bitch about it."

"I'm a bitch?" I chortled out. "You're the one that's trying to read my mind! I swear if we met under different circumstances."

She lightly gasped, her eyes widening, "Are you threatening me?"

"No, just stating facts." I said quietly and shoved myself past her to the lockers in the back area of the bar. I threw my things in and slammed shut the door, ignoring the fact that Sookie on her high ass horse, angrily waltzed in Sam's office and slammed the door shut after her.

"That's not a good idea." I quietly heard besides me.

I slammed my fist against my locker and cursed, "Would you stop sneaking up on me?" I demanded from Terry.

He shrugged, "I doubt anyone could sneak up on you. You're too sharp for that."

I sighed, resting my head against the lockers, who would have ever thought that small town folk were really that keen? They were really rubbing my nose in the dirt on that one. "What do you want Terry?"

"Just to tell you that Sam and her are close. And Sam would do anything for her." Terry shrugged.

I pushed past him and the lockers, finding solace in the kitchen, "So you're saying she's a manipulative—"

"Don't say it." Terry warned brushing past me.

I closed my eyes when I felt the warmth of his body radiate through me; dang he was not good for my health. "Fine, I won't. I'll probably get fired anyway."

"What did you say to her?" Terry asked, handing me a few vegetables to chop for the mise en place.

I accepted the knife he handed to me and began comfortably chopping and slicing away, "Nothing. She just…tried to do something to me that I didn't like…I'm very willful." I shrugged nonchalantly.

I felt the power from Terry's stare and I tried to keep my fingers tucked away from my knife, "Why are you here?" He asked suddenly and I almost chopped my finger off.

"Why do you ask?" I asked suddenly finding the things on my cutting board extremely interesting.

"You seem to keen for small town living." I felt his shrug from even across the table.

"Whatever." I mumbled, trying to ignore everything but the work itself. After tonight, I sure as heck was going to the city and forget all the small town woes.

"Erin, can I see you in my office?" I heard Sam's voice in the doorway and sighed. I looked up and gazed into Terry's comforting eyes and frowned, I didn't need his comfort or sympathy. I lasted this long by my own and even if I was attracted to him didn't mean I needed him.

"Yeah, sure you can Merlotte." I left everything the way it was letting Sam shut the office door behind him.

"What did you do to Sookie?" He demanded.

"You waste no time in pleasantries, I see." I mused trying not to feel like I was being pushed under the bus, especially because of Sookie.

"What did you do?" Sam asked again, leaning against the door and watching me closely. "I told her to make peace but…what did you do anyway?"

"Why don't you ask what she tried to do to me?" I demanded. "She tried to read my mind Sam! And I don't like to feel like I'm being trampled on, I have rights and in my best interest; I prefer not to be violated!" I snapped trying to curb my anger.

"How do you know that she can read minds?" Sam asked quietly.

"Am I fired?" I asked, either way, I was not answering that loaded question. I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice but neither would I make hell for anyone.

"No. Take tomorrow off though. You need to work on your small town etiquette. Now, answer my question, how did you know?" He asked pushing away from the door to stand in front of me with his hands on his hips.

I moved away from, careful not to touch him; I didn't feel like being zapped again and I really was getting tired of the damn inquisition. I gripped the doorknob in my fist and glanced wearily over my shoulder to him, "We all have our secrets Sam. And we're all trying to quell them. So don't go digging for trouble."

I quietly closed the door behind me and sighed when I saw Sookie walking straight for me. Did we really have to go another round so soon?

"Did he fire you?" She asked, no trace of malice in her voice. Trust me, I tried to find something to hate her for but there was nothing…except for the mind reading thing.

"Would you be happy?" I asked trying to cut the pettiness from my voice.

"Contrary to your belief, no. I know we didn't get off on a great start but…can we just try to be nice?" She asked.

I sighed again and shrugged, "Wouldn't really hurt I guess. Just…don't try any funny business."

She shrugged, "I'm sorry about that. I just…I've never met anyone that was…quiet. You're a vacation around here for me."

I didn't know how to handle that admission so I ignored it, "Umm…okay."

She moved closer to me but made sure not to touch me, "Everyone else is so loud and you; you're so quiet and I tried to figure you out…"

"Well, I have that affect." I mused sarcastically.

"What are your powers?" She whispered.

I sighed, I wouldn't tell her anything about my telekinesis but I would tell her about my other weird one, "I feel…people's power." I admitted and quickly admitted more, "When I touch certain people; I can feel a light buzzing on my skin. The more painful I find, the more they utilize their…power." I shrugged trying to ignore her wide eyes.

"Wow, so…did I hurt you? I'm sorry!" She apologized and I smiled. What a one-eighty we did. At first I wanted to punch her but I had to admit, there was something endearing to Sookie, something that made me easily forget that she was different.

"Erin, can I have your help please?" We heard a soft call come from the kitchen and I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, Sookie. Some other time?"

"Sure, how about breakfast with my Gran?" She asked and I felt my spirits plummet. This was moving too fast.

"I'm going into the city tomorrow. Maybe do some shopping. Sorry, another time, though?" I asked hoping I didn't shoot her down so soon.

"Sure, we small town folk hold to our word." She smiled and walked away leaving me gasping for air.

I made it; I didn't fold under her scrutiny. I suddenly wanted to kiss Terry for saving me but I settled on a smile instead. "Thanks."

"You looked ready to bolt." He commented turning his back to me so he could throw something on the grill.

We worked in silence the rest of the evening but I was aware of him, it was almost painful how aware I was. Every time he would walk by he would brush past me and I didn't know if it was on purpose but I was in hell. I bet if he had touched me I would have self-combusted then and there.

So halfway through the evening I decided payback and made sure that I would slowly rub my body against his when I brushed past him. He began to sweat after that and even though he didn't say anything, he didn't have to. I caught him staring at me a few times and I knew the tension was so intense it was palpable.

By the end of the evening I was panting so heavily, I didn't bother saying goodnight to anyone, I just grabbed my stuff, changed and threw myself outside in the back of the bar. Normally I would have hesitated standing near a dumpster but tonight I could have crawled in one and wouldn't have minded.

I leaned against the wall and tried to calm my erratic beating heart. I did not need this distraction. I did not need this distraction.

I heard the back door open and slam shut interrupting me from my mantra. I wanted it to be Sam or Sookie, hell; even Lafayette. But I knew who it was. And my breath caught in my throat when he stared at me with his dark searing eyes.

"You play a dangerous game." He quietly said grabbing my arms and slowly, began reeling me in.

I gulped and licked my lips, I did not want him, and I did not want this distraction.

But whom was I kidding? One kiss from him and I would have been in heaven. He leaned down and I felt his breath flicker on my lips and I sighed, this is what I really wanted. We were so close, it was so final, and I would have died if he would just take my mouth.

But we pulled apart when I heard Sam call my name in the distance. Or at least it felt like the distant since we were in our own world. We breathed heavily in the night air and I pulled away, trying not to be hesitant. But whom was I kidding? I knew I wouldn't have one wink of sleep tonight because of that dang Terry.

I pulled my hands from his grasp and tried to ignore his fingers trailing down my arm as he let me go. Yes, tomorrow would be forget Terry and his dang ways day. I'd buy a few new outfits and maybe take myself out to dinner. A good outfit, chocolate cake and grease could easily make me forget anything.

I cleared my throat and began walking around the bar to the front of Merlotte's, "Over here, Sam!" I called.

He ran his hand through his feathered hair and sighed when he saw me, "Usually, we say goodbye before we try to leave. You also forgot your pay."

I accepted the money he handed me and even though it was in the hundreds, to me it was worth nothing more than petty change. "Was that all?" I asked and tried to keep the exasperation from my voice. I could have been kissing passionately with someone besides the dumpster and I winced. I'm somewhat glad that we didn't, what kind of story would that make anyway?

"Yup. Have a good night and day off tomorrow." He nodded and walked back into the bar.

At that moment I didn't know if I was glad I was pulled away or angry that I was. I didn't know if I wanted to have a throw down or thank him for being my salvation. So instead, I settled on walking away.


	4. The Falling

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_A very short chapter but something to tide you over nonetheless…_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Four**

**The Falling**

I woke up late as usual and had to admit; there were a few things I liked about this small town business. Sure, I didn't like the people and I sure as hell did not like the gossip, nor did I like some of the ideals…. there had to be some nice things about small towns. I just hadn't scratched the surface yet. I'd find it one way or another; I just needed to think about that one. I did know that if someone or something ever came looking for me, the people in the town could either alert me or tell them where to find me…I wasn't so sure if that was a good thing or not.

I easily forgot all the small town woes I'd been contemplating as I drove into the city. I glanced around and took in the scenery as the sun shone in the mid-day sky. This is what I had missed. The bustle, the urgency to do things that probably weren't as important as it had seemed. And from what I could surmise, no damn gossip. And no dang Terry.

I cursed and slammed my car door shut, wishing I could knock my brain down a peg for suddenly becoming traitorous. This was my day, not his and dang him for intruding with his damn sexy body and dang drool worthy butt. I would not think about anything to do with him. He was no good, and I was no good for him either.

I took my time around the shopping mall; it had been a while since I had bought some clothes for myself. Yes, I had money but I never relished it. I used to when I first took on hunts and cases but soon the novelty wore off and my job soon became…well, a job. I used to buy things and send the gifts to where I knew my family's last residency had been but I soon realized that if someone was hunting me down for revenge or the like; it would be dangerous and I couldn't do that to them.

I didn't come from a sad, hard past. Yes, we had our differences as a family, yes, there would be fights and dysfunction but that wasn't the reason why I had left. I had left when I was smart enough to realize I had a vocation and that vocation would be bigger then them and I. I just didn't realize that my vocation would mean hunting down people for a bounty.

The money was good at first, just like the thrill of the chase. But after years of hunting, I felt like things were getting stale. The thrill was still there but it wasn't as strong as it had once been. I used to hoard my money, then I tried spending it but now, I just didn't bother with any of it. I didn't feel guiltily for being the judge, jury and executioner. I just didn't care for money, it was never a big deal to my family and I must have taken that sentiment to heart. We weren't poor or rich growing up and I often had to share with my siblings but now it all seemed trivial.

I didn't miss them. I know it's a weird sentiment, but I can't force myself to feel something that just wasn't there. I had tried at first, when I had left; boy had I tried. But not even tears had come. I realized we had changed, all of us. We weren't the same as we had been and we had our own reasons for becoming who we now were.

A black dress caught my attention and my thoughts deserted me. It was a simple dress compared to anything the Lolita wannabes like Dawn wore but it suited me fine. It was subtle, classic and it left things to the imagination. I highly doubted I could wear this back to town and my stomach growled giving me an idea. I would take myself out for dinner and a dance.

It was hitting sunset by the time I made my way back to the car with a few bags boasting my purchases. A few people shot weird stares my way but I had done weirder things and wearing an evening dress with flats hardly seemed noteworthy. I refused to wear high heels or sandals; especially when I was in unfamiliar territory. Heels and sandals were not made for running, plus; this close to the outskirts of the city, they simply could just call me a hick and be on their way.

I drove around aimlessly looking for something, anything to catch my eye. I drove to the deserted outskirts of the city when I slammed on my brakes, ignoring the fact that there were cars behind me.

_Fangtasia _

And then I started laughing. What kind of place would that be? Who cares about the place, what kind of owners would willingly name something Fangtasia? I quickly surmised just what kind of _place_ it would be just by studying the outside. And once again, I found myself more than curious to get in a little trouble.

I tore myself away from my train of thoughts when the screaming of the horns became too unbearable to ignore any longer. I knew what I had to do. I could eat later, on my way back out of the city but for now, I had to do this. I had to see the loss of humanity, the monsters that I had not only hunted but I had inadvertently become.


	5. Debauchery of the Depraved

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_This chapter is for the reviewers :) And to those who haven't yet, don't be afraid. I'm all ears. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Five**

**Debauchery of the Depraved**

Waiting in line had never been my favorite pastime, especially when there were two vampires checking I.D at the doors and allowing whomever they wanted into the club. A stupid club with a stupid name; hell, even Merlotte's had a ringing charm to it. But I was biased; I was human and I worked there.

I mentally shrugged and handed my I.D to one of the two vampires. She was old that I could tell. After hunting a few of them, I learned to read their behaviors. They probably would kill me for saying they even had behaviors as they thought themselves above us 'cattle'. But I noticed the newer ones were always entranced in the things around them, like they couldn't get enough of what they saw. But the old ones…the old ones were different. How they thought to pass as human was beyond me. They reeked of boredom and an edge of impatient anger burning beneath the surface. Thankfully I only had to hunt an old one once and I still cringed from what I had gone up against.

"Hmm, I wouldn't mind a little of you after dinner." The woman murmured glancing from my I.D to my face. I knew that she wasn't speaking English, as everyone around us still pushing to get into the bustling club didn't even pay her any heed. She was speaking Swedish and she was very good at it, hell, if I hadn't been studying her I would never have noticed her lips moving. She was old and she was dangerous, and staying around her for too long would be very, very bad for my health.

I played dumb and cocked my head to one side, "Huh?"

She blinked and I realized maybe dumb wasn't that great of an idea. "You look young for your age…Erin." She cocked an eyebrow when she said my name. I liked her, even though it was dangerous for me, I couldn't help it. She was so bored and sarcastic; I wouldn't be surprised if she ate babies just for the sake of creating havoc for us humans.

I shrugged and mentally cursed, I normally kept a handful of my fake but today I had left home with only my Erin one; one that could easily be traced back to Bon Temps. "Can I go?" I asked trying not to let my dominance overrule my brain. If I played it like a stupid human girl wanting hedonism than maybe she wouldn't notice me.

She rolled her eyes and gave me my I.D back like it was a rotten piece of meat. Really, us humans weren't that distasteful…except…okay, maybe they were. But I wasn't.

"Tight ass too." I heard her murmur again in Swedish as I pushed past the velvet barrier. I couldn't help myself, if I knew that moment would be my downfall, I still would have done it. My stupidity isn't lacking.

"I work out." I called over my shoulder in Swedish, slipping through the bodies before she could make a grab me.

I almost stopped dead in the doorway of the club when I saw the scene before me but thankfully I was shoved aside by someone in their haste to partake in the debauchery. I cursed and wished I could suddenly turn back but once again the urge to run was outweighed by my urge to hunt.

I saw people grinding on the dance floor, people necking, people flirting and people nervously looking around. It was odd but somehow all the emotions swirling around this club fit with the name. I didn't see myself as one of them, as someone desperately seeking love or sex. I knew if I wasn't working a case then there'd be no reason for me to even be here but c'mon…Fangtasia? That was just too good to even want to pass up.

Glancing around my eyes caught for the first time a throne. A red velvet chair on an elevated stage with red curtains behind it; obviously the boss liked to get off watching us lemmings. The stage was empty and a part of me was glad; whoever was that powerful would see things I didn't want to show.

I took an empty spot at the bar, sitting comfortably on the stool. Whoever designed this bar should have been shot and I had no doubt that they actually were. Sam's bar had class to it, even though it was hick; it worked. Fangtasia was busy with all the red on the walls and things hanging off them and the thing that got me were the fact that it was all stereotypical things of what humans thought vampires would like. I started laughing to myself when I realized I was getting offended for fangs! Imagine that.

"What you smiling about, sweetheart?" I heard a drawl behind me and tried not to react. Killing someone or something here would be more dangerous and less understood than in Bon Temps. I was starting to get the feeling that I was beginning to miss that small town and I tried not to cringe. Baby steps. I just needed to take baby steps.

I shrugged off his hand on my bare shoulder and suppressed the urge to shudder. Fang; that I could tell; his hand was colder than ice and his breathe smelled of stale blood. "I'm pretty sure I'm not your sweetheart." I murmured, accepting the drink from the bartender and handing him a twenty.

"We could change that." He pushed himself suggestively against my back. He was no Terry, that much I could tell.

I elbowed him not bothering to turn around; a lech was still a lech no matter if he was dead or not. Though I would have preferred all of them to be dead. "I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't."

He grabbed my arm, shoving me around to face him and I growled. His power was so weak I almost didn't even feel a thing where he had touched me. "Look at me. You want me." He commanded staring deeply into my eyes. "You will leave with me and invite me to your place."

I laughed. I couldn't help myself and by his anger radiating on his face, he was getting angrier by the minute. Did I forget to mention to him that I couldn't be glamoured? Another pro to the cons of my power. We were attracting attention from curious onlookers and I decided it was best if I went to 'powder my nose' rather than explain to him why I would prefer to stake him then sex him up.

I sighed when I reached the sanctuary of the bathroom and winced, what had I been expecting of the bathrooms when the whole place reeked of human waste of every moral fiber? I lingered longer than necessary hoping that he would get bored of waiting and move on to the next victim.

Hesitantly I opened the door and stared across the crowded bar at the exit, it was so close yet so far away. At that moment I couldn't honestly remember what had I been thinking when I had wanted to come here, hell; I'd been excited. Now I'd be excited to see this place in my review mirror as I sped away.

My breath caught in my throat when my eyes flickered to the once empty throne. It wasn't empty now and there was so much power radiating from the seated man that it made my whole body tingle and not in the way I ever wanted from a fang. Maybe Terry but not a fang.

He was old, that I could tell and standing behind him to his side was the same woman from outside. He had shoulder length blonde hair, striking bold features and a long lanky form. Heck, I always thought all vampires were okay on the eyes but this man…he was the benchmark. He was Aphrodite and Dionysus, beauty and edge. And most of all, he was very, very dangerous. A part of me wanted to see his eyes but the other part knew that if I did, then it would be game over for me.

I felt something stir deep within me, something that not even Terry could ever boast of. It was sudden and acute, taking my breath away. It was hazardous, perilous, risky and too scary for me to even think of. So I pushed it away from me, locking it far from what I would ever want to face.

He must have felt the digging of my stare because he suddenly turned his face to in my direction and even though the bar was loud and bustling, there were suddenly only two of us. Looking into his icy blue green eyes, a sudden epiphany came to me. I realized my life wouldn't ever end happy and there'd be no Cinderella story for me. I knew that before but seeing the truth in his eyes brought swift awareness that was almost too painful to bear. He would be my downfall and my descent and it bothered me. It angered me; after all, I had worked my entire life ascending but now because of him, I would fall only that much harder and faster. I forced myself to hate him and it was easy but it was easier to adopt an angry frown on my face and let him see it for all its glory.

The woman by his side must have clued in to our staring match because she suddenly turned her cold eyes to me but I ignored her. I didn't however, ignore the speculative look she sent my way as she bent down to murmur something into his ear. Even though we were across the room from each other, I knew. I knew they were discussing me and whatever she had said had interested him. Which was scary enough. Anything to interest an old vampire was in grave danger and I suddenly didn't feel like losing my life this night.

The fang that had bothered me earlier suddenly popped towards the stage and I stopped breathing. I watched, my heart pounding, when the woman leaned towards the boy and once again glanced at me. The corner of her mouth slightly elevated and she turned back to the seated man once again, murmuring in his ear. I saw intrigue flash before a cold calculating gleam took over.

I knew then that things had just gotten more complicated and more hairy. I decided it was best for my health if I hightailed it out of here. I made it as far as five steps towards the exit when the sitting vampire motioned towards me. I didn't know what that meant but it dawned on me when two fangs from the edges of the room began walking to me, menace vibrating from them, that he wanted to haven an audience with me. I swore then that the next case I'd take would be hunting down a fang; I really needed the satisfaction of staking one of them.

I glanced around me and saw two human men arguing over a female vampire at a small table near me. I did a quick prayer to whatever god was listening and purposely stumbled over one of their foots, spilling their drink on the other male. Thank human men and their constant need to prove to each other who was better in their stupid testosterone filled games. I smiled challengingly over to the seated vampire as I slipped through the fighting that had erupted after my lack of 'human elegance' and he raised a sexy eyebrow at my pettiness. Was I petty if I wanted to live a few nights longer instead of face him? …Did I just say sexy?

I cursed loudly into the night air, gulping deeply when I finally made it inside my car. I locked the doors and sighed when I saw the speedometer almost explode from my need to get away from the stupid hazard I threw myself into. I didn't slow down once, I promised myself I would only slow down when I made it back into Bon Temps and even then I didn't feel safe. I could fight for myself and if I lost, I knew at least I'd die fighting. But what was bothering me was that I could still feel him, when I would blink and close my eyes, he would be staring back at me. I swear I could feel him behind me, his presence had stuck with me and I didn't know if I liked that or hated it.

I pulled my car as close as I could to my porch steps, inhaled deeply, prayed once again to whatever gods I could think of and threw myself out of the car. The entire time chanting stupid little mantras about fashion, cooking and fighting, anything to get my mind off that I could easily be hunted not for revenge but for plain curiosity. What the heck had I gotten myself into?

I didn't bother folding my dress or putting away my shoes, I let them fall from my body and grabbed a baggy shirt to sleep in and went to a duffel I hid in the closet. I dragged it to my bed and opened the contents, I usually cleaned it out once a week, even if I wasn't on a case. But tonight was different; I needed to sleep with something more than a bowie knife under my pillow.

I pulled out one of many wooden stakes I had and some silver bullets to load my nine-millimeter with. I wasn't paranoid…just…cautious. Thank god I'd be working tomorrow night, I could definitely use something to keep me busy from my cautious nature.

It took me longer than usually to get comfortable in bed, my skin was still heated from the vampire's gaze. With Terry the burning I felt was a slight tingle but with this vampire I felt restless and over heated. My motive for going to the city was to forget about Terry and his maudlin ways but in trying to forget Terry I found something more dangerous.


	6. Keeping Still

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Six**

**Keeping Still**

Showing up to work an hour before my shift was not my idea of fitting in or smart thinking. Heck, if I would have told myself that I'd be this eager to actually work; my real job not included, then I would have either laughed or slugged myself. But I was bored and staring at an empty wall was starting to lose its appeal. Especially when my mind kept wandering to a certain vampire at a stupid bar with his stupid sexy hair and his stupid sexy stare. Do you see my predicament?

I lingered in my car as long as I could stand and decided Sam was probably better company than thin air. It also helped that he seemed the least uptight and eager to accept any reason or excuse I gave him. He seemed less interested in people's affairs as long as they didn't bring harm knocking down his door and I'd die before I told him that I was danger with bad things following after me. I figure Bon Temps could handle their own.

I had had a goodnight's sleep, even though I was…cautious as hell and still in a feverish dim from _him._ A part of me wished I knew his name, something to hold over his head but I knew that it would be like finding another name for death. I didn't want to go back there and a silly part of me wished they'd forget about me. But I knew the truth and it was my own to quietly bear.

"What the hell you doing here so early?"

I sighed realizing sneaking into Merlotte's and not expecting Sam hadn't been the most sound of plans, "Umm, what are you doing here?" I asked mentally shrugging taking a spot at the bar.

"I own this fine establishment." Sam cut off when I snorted and raised an eyebrow.

"It is indeed one of the finest ones I've seen." I amended.

"Damn straight." Sam chuckled once again turning his back so he could continue on wiping some glasses down behind the bar.

There was only one thing that bothered me about Sam; and it was his constant habit of turning his back when in conversation. I didn't care that it was rude, who was I to be the judge when I sure as hell wasn't polite; but there it was again with his trusting nature. Call me cynical but no matter how much I'd ever learn to trust someone, I would never turn my back on him or her. Ever. People always hurt the ones they loved first.

"As I was saying, secondly I live next door—"

I couldn't contain my derisive snort this time either, "You…live…next door?" I quietly wondered if he even had a life outside of Merlotte's and realized I didn't even care to know.

"Yeah, in the—why?" Sam asked scrutinizing me.

I shrugged, there goes my _I'm fitting in with the locals_ act, "Nothing…anyway, do you have a…newspaper I could borrow? " I asked realizing that if I had asked him if I could watch the news on his television that it might seem a tad on the suspicious side. But I hadn't properly kept tabs on the outside world since coming here and I knew how precarious that could be. My job was to be aware of the outside world at all times and Bon Temps only had exacerbated my disconnect. I needed to find a newspaper pronto, if I could find a case then I'd feel much better, it'd been a while since my last hunt and I was starting to get restless.

Sam stared me down for a few seconds longer and finally pulled out a newspaper from behind him, "Here, it's not local but it'll do." I silently thanked whatever gods were listening for my luck and dug in.

Forty-five minutes later I found myself chopping away at vegetables in the kitchen while I contemplated the case I had finished that still remained a missing persons, the newspaper had said. I always thought it was more satisfying to make someone disappear without raising a vast number of eyebrows then it was when one of my jobs went to the homicide unit. It had only happened a few times but now I was cleaner.

I worked in silence, prepping things; trying to ignore the inevitable. Between Terry and the vampire, trying to hide who I really was; my head began hurting even before Arlene was here to chatter away.

"What's wrong?" I heard over my chopping. Terry.

I sighed, so my shift began and I was already tense, "Nothing." I quietly affirmed.

"Did someone hurt you?" This time the question was almost a whisper and asked right in my ear. I suppressed a shiver and bit down hard on my tongue instead.

"I have a knife." I warned breathlessly. Suddenly angry with myself for becoming such a wanton shrewd and for wanting Terry so easily.

I felt the weight of Terry's stare on me for a few long seconds before I heard his footsteps walking away quietly. I wasn't surprised when he took residence opposite me to help along with the chopping.

"How was your day in the city?" I heard the loud grating question and bit back a wince.

"Hey Arlene." I tried smiling hugely but settled for a small one instead, "It was…eventful."

"Oh, did you meet someone?" She asked, her eyes sparkling. There was no malice lurking around in her shinning eyes, from what I could see of Arlene; she simply was a mothering, sweet lady…loud but sweet.

I heard the clatter from a knife dropping and Terry curse under his breath. I didn't know what to do with his reaction to what Arlene implied and if it did mean something but my head was already pounding, so I ignored him instead.

"Uh, no. I was going to say, that I bought some really great outfits." I suppressed a victorious smile when I watched Arlene become flustered about the stupid clothes.

We spent half the night talking about trivial things her and I. It was kind of nice to simply shoot the breeze about anything but me. At first when she kept popping her head in the kitchen to talk to me, I thought it was a wee bit annoying but after a few hours, I didn't mind. Hell, I thought she was endearing and it made me feel good to know that she enjoyed my conversation. That or she wanted to check Terry out and I knew that neither he nor she was interested.

I learned quite a bit about Arlene and her two children and once I asked about her boyfriend Rene it was all down hill from there. I even caught Terry's eyes a few times and we shared some secret smiles at her expense. I was beginning to settle into my new life here in Bon Temps and I was still terrified of that idea.

I found myself sitting quietly at the bar at the end of my shift waiting for Sam to tally up my pay and fork it over. Terry had disappeared after we cleaned the kitchen and heck if I wasn't disappointed. Then I had to remind myself I had no reason to be disappointed, that it was a silly arbitrary thing to do but I still couldn't help myself.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I dug my hand in to retrieve it. Flipping it open, I sighed a hello. Who would call this late? I sat up in attention when I heard one of my contacts' swear into the receiver. I recognized his smooth French cursing and immediately got up to leave the bar so I could soothe his anger.

I didn't want people in Bon Temps to know that I spoke a few languages. I constantly thanked my mother's will to teach all five of her children a handful of languages. And none were that simple, but she worked in politics and had told us everyday that it would change our lives and other's also. I just didn't think she would appreciate that it would also mean I could take lives too.

I sucked in the chill of the night's air, cursing along with him. He wasn't happy to be giving me one of his cases that he personally wanted, especially with the dollar bill signs attached to it. But he knew I was one of the best seekers out there and this case needed a special, gentle hand in the matter. When I first started hunting, I accepted bounties with no kills involved and missing persons, my specialty were finding lost children.

He knew I could easily find the mayor's kid, heck; we both knew it but a part of me didn't want to accept the job. It was the first time it had ever happened and I stood there gaping at the phone unsure of what to do. Would he mock me when I told him the reason was that it was in the sister city to mine, so close that people might recognize me? Or would he condemn my actions for staying rooted to one spot?

I told him that the mayor's kid was legal enough to drink; he was legal enough to leave when he wanted to. But my contact was insistent and I found myself assuring him that I would find the boy but I made sure that he threw in a bonus; cash, not Parisian clothing as he so often liked to do to amuse himself. Especially when he knew how much I hated ostentatious things.

I stared longingly into the dark, wishing that it could somehow bring me quiet, peaceful oblivion. But I knew I wouldn't be getting it anytime soon, especially when I heard the bar door open behind me and someone clearing their throat.

"Your pay." Sam said quietly, standing besides me to join in my wishful staring and handing me my money.

"Sam, would you fire me if I asked for a few days off?" I asked gently, knowing I was really pushing my luck.

Sam tore his attention away from the forest to stare at me, "What's wrong?"

I sighed, sometimes I thought the truth would be easier…then I realized that it was a dumb, weak thought. "My—friend's kid has gone missing—" I heard Sam's quiet intake of air, "Nothing serious, I think." I reassured and told him the rest of the lie, that he was just rebellious and he was in the next city over; the one truth to the whole bed of untruths.

He seemed to accept it and after telling me sternly, or as sternly as Sam possibly could muster, that I shouldn't make it a habit to ask for time off especially when I had only worked two shifts; he finally granted me clemency.

I drove home, my body on quietly humming, sharpening the edges around me. I loved getting a new case, judge or seeker; it always focused and cleared my mind. I relished the feeling but I didn't relish what I had to do next.


	7. Devil Over My Shoulder

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Seven**

**Devil Over My Shoulder**

I heard loud pounding knocks on my door jarring me out of my dream filled sleep. I groaned, blinking away the tendrils of sleep from my eyes and the remnants of a dream with a certain naked man losing me in a fight to a certain very sexy vampire. I didn't know what bothered me more about the dream, that I had resorted to the damsel in distress and had two men fighting over me or that I secretly relished the feeling?

Cursing when the morning sunshine burst into my morning groggy head, I threw myself haphazardly out of bed. "Damn it, I'm coming." I murmured tripping over the blanket from my bed that had somehow evilly wrapped itself around my ankles. I didn't have a clock in my bedroom; I was lucky enough that I had an air mattress and an old pillow I had taken from the last motel I was in. I had to go shopping, it was killing my bones to wake up like this but it was killing me more to wake up this early.

I knew it was early, too early for me. And from the loud knocking on my door and the loud chirping of the dang birds, it was probably morning still. I had gotten spoilt coming to Bon Temps, I had let myself fall into an unhealthy stupefied regime; and after I knocked down the person who had awoken me, then I could start my old morning routines.

I looked through the peephole and let out a hugely weary sigh and unlocked my door, not bothering to smile, not even bothering to look remotely human. Something that was easy at this time in the morning. "What do you want?"

"Oh, I can tell you're a morning person! And from that sigh I heard, I bet you're damn happy to see me too." Sookie smiled.

I stretched my face into something that looked too grossly exaggerated too be a smile, more like a snarl but moved past so she could come in. "Should I even bother to ask as to how you got my home address?"

"No, cause I know you're not going to like it." Sookie shrugged and stopped dead in her tracks when she got a good look of my humble abode. And it was indeed humble. With a chair, a refrigerator, an oven and a table. My room was more impressive; I had my duffels, my air mattress and my stolen pillow. I was living the high life.

"I guess I should go brush my teeth if this is a social call." I sighed and locked myself in my bedroom, hurriedly rushing to go through my entire morning routine and put on some pants. I didn't mind if all I was wearing was a long boyfriend style shirt but I preferred Sookie not seeing any scars and ask questions I couldn't answer.

I dumped all my duffels by the door knowing I wouldn't leave a trace of me behind, a precaution when I knew things might get a little hairy, it was easier that way, I always could disappear faster when I erased myself. I made sure my room was empty of any incriminating evidence a last time and opened my door sighing when my eyes caught the time from the clock dangling dangerously from an old nail the dead tenant had perched into the wall. Eight in the morning, who the hell woke willingly that early in Bon Temps? Normally when I was juggling a few cases at a time, I would wake at five but here in Bon Temps? What was even open that early?

She turned suddenly to me and I winced when I read her expression, "I don't really remember when I moved in." I shrugged, it was somewhat a lie but I was starting to forget to keep my nights separate from my days since moving here.

"Erin…who are you?" She asked incredulously turning on her heels and walking around my kitchen tsk-tsking her tongue disapprovingly.

"What? It's got…character." I defended, she was a southern belle and I was a city girl, I knew we weren't on the same plane but c'mon; did she really have to make that sound?

"Yeah, I bet it does. How long will you be?" She asked turning around once again to scrutinize me.

"What?" I frowned becoming alert once again, I felt something suddenly probe my mind and I had to control the violent urge to throw something sharp and metallic at her. "Sookie!"

"What? Oh…sorry." She apologized trying to look contrite but once again failed when she smiled, "I can't help it! I can't figure you out and whenever I try, I fail. I don't know if I like to fail." She thought aloud.

"Get used to it." I muttered smiling at her glare she threw my way.

"So when are you leaving and when are you coming back?" She asked once again.

Dang it, "Right now if you get out and I don't know when. Maybe in a few days." I shrugged. I never gave myself a timeline of more than a few months and less than a week, especially in the bounty area, hunting took patience not arrogance. "Why?" I asked trying to quell my suspicion.

"Well, when you come back, I can have your place looking…. more lived in and less like it has a shitload of character." She hesitated hugely on that sentence and I could tell by her wince that she wanted to be more honest. What was more honest than shitload? Never mind, I don't even care to know.

"Umm, do I have to give you my keys?" I asked trying not to glare her into the truth, so I had trust issues, which was my prerogative; she had weird sound making skills as hers.

She smiled, "This is Bon Temps, silly. We don't really have to lock our doors but what the heck." She smiled and extended her hand. I swallowed down nerves and bile, this was a big step; we were moving way too fast. Already giving her a spare key? I hadn't even met her Gran yet!

I willed myself to let go of the spare key after I had rummaged for it; it had taken a while and after her trying to coax me and me cursing at her, we had reached a settlement. She would only bring the necessaries, the functional things. Nothing that would collect dust or be a waste of negative space. I hated clutter; it was always hell to clean up after having a huge with someone who broke in thinking they could teach me a lesson or two about hunting. Well, I showed them, and not only were they six feet under relaxing with the earth but I had learned that lesson in a stride.

This was my place, my home and even though I hoarded my things with threats of violence I wasn't afraid to carry out, I knew when to give in. This would give her time to get off my back, thinking she knew me and maybe then she wouldn't ask so many damn personal questions. It also made sure that when she gossiped, it showed the townsfolk that I was not only fitting in, I had made a friend. Once who was kind enough to decorate my place and break in my home for me.

I left for the city a while after that and by the time I found myself munching away at a salad in a fast food outlet, the sun would be setting in a couple of hours. I hadn't even began to think about making leeway into my case but from what I could surmise, I had trouble coming. I just didn't know in what direction.


	8. Into the Devil’s Eye

_**Disclaimer**__**:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Eight**

**Into t****he Devil's Eye**

It had been three solid days of headhunting the Mayor's kid with the same results. I didn't like them and each time I heard the damn word, I bared my teeth.

Fangbanger.

Ever since the fangs had come out, there had been so many missing persons that I rarely opted down that road. It was no longer my forte and I noticed that most of them hadn't wanted to be found, enjoyed their undead lovers and refused to go back. I shrugged each time and dragged them back to their mommies and daddies.

And I knew this time was no different. Spoiled insolent little rich brat with a major perchance of constant geek ness to go awry and has found something that he wanted. Well, someone should have told him that it took consequences for our actions and I would be his.

I thanked the woman at the shopping till and left trying not to let out a huge sigh. I had driven over to the next city with hopes that this could be an easy grab and run case but I knew with my luck these days, this wouldn't be the problem.

What the recurring problem was; that each time I inquired about the kid, where people had last seen him, his overall attitudes and likes of hangouts; each time I had gotten two words. Fangtasia and Fangbanger.

I was told that anyone who liked vampires, wanted to sex them up or generally wanted to be around them, losing their soul could be a risk; they should check out Fangtasia. I knew it also, after driving to two cities and doing a run about, I realized that Fangtasia was the only openly vampire friendly place. I knew the honest truth but I knew what had to be done to keep my word.

I had tried to think of different ways of sneaking into a place where I was hunted, where my kind was preyed upon regularly but there was no way around it. I felt like a mouse waltzing into an owl's den, I just hoped this time around, I could run faster with high heels then not. If I was going down, I might as well go down with a little finesse, plus; a part of me hoped I could somehow impress them enough to leave me alone and tell me where the kid was. It was a silly stupid notion, but in the dire dreary times, without hope we have nothing. And there were days I mostly preferred nothing.

But when I saw a familiar sarcastic, bored face of a vampire checking people's I.D; I realized if I didn't have hope, I would go stark raving mad. Especially when she suddenly caught wind of my scent and zeroed in on me through the long billowing line and raised her eyebrow in amusement, panache and dare.

I knew I had surprised them and the child in me felt silently thrilled that I had won the first victory. She made a slight flicker with her hand to the vampire at her side and motioned me towards her. At first, when I had taken residency at the back of the line, I had been so content to wait outside all evening thinking some young fang could be enthralled by me and tell me everything I needed to know.

But again, it was a stupid thought, mainly when the line parted only slightly enough to let me by. I heard other people call me lucky and a few other choice words under their breath, none were on target; not even lucky. I wouldn't call myself lucky, I would have loved to let others ahead of me. So this is what it felt like for cows to be herded into the slaughterhouse.

"So, you have come back. What can I say? I'm so addictive." She drawled out in her dry sarcastic tone, she glanced down at my shoes and once again I was allotted the thrill of victory when I saw a dim flash of surprise in her eyes before the ice sunk back in.

I knew she was speaking in Swedish, and I refused to partake in her testing of me, I shrugged humanly. Only when around vampires was I more keenly aware of my humanity and lack of immortal grace. "Can I go in?" I asked politely in English trying not to be too insolent.

Which failed when I saw something dangerous flash in her gaze, "Oh, he'll like breaking you." I heard her mutter after she had let me pass.

My gaze flew to the throne just as I passed the threshold of the entryway and I let out a huge relieved sigh when I found it empty. But _he_ knew I was here, just how long would I get before he grew impatient? And would I even be able to escape unscathed this time around again?

It took a long second before I broke the spell the throne had entranced on me; it wasn't so much the throne that had made me start to feel hot and achy, it was the person that had last vacated it that was making me so hungry for something very, very dangerous. I eased myself around the room finally, killing my nerves and trying to stay focused on my objective, the entire time trying to stay hidden of any speculation.

It was hard but I somehow had found out quite a bit. I found out that he was traveling in a group of fangs that shared their humans around within their own circle. None of their known humans had ever died by the fangs themselves but I knew out of ten previous humans, four caved under the madness and had taken their own lives. I've heard that story so many times before and it was one of the reasons why I disliked fangs as much as I did.

I might think myself strong but I didn't want to be tested like that. Would I survive after I was ruined? But to others, after being with a fang, I knew it was hard to ever be normal again. How could you go from a Demi-god to a mortal and not feel the crushing humanity and want to survive? I realized now that finding the kid was imperative, from what I was told, he seemed weak and I just hoped I could get him back to his mansion and superficial life so I could get my bounty before he caved under the pressure.

I felt my stomach drop suddenly and I frowned, ignoring the girl I was questioning to glance around trying to find the reason why I felt a pricking sensation all over me. And then I realized why.

He was here.

Sitting lazily, boredom rolling off of him as he stared back at me. I felt winded and suppressed the urge to gulp, I knew that would mean a victory for him and damned if I even thought about yielding to him. I must have surprised him with my audacity, I didn't really think my staring problem was _that_ bad but it must have slightly annoyed him since I received an eyebrow raise.

"He requests an audience with you." I heard a voice slither behind me.

I clamped down on my jaw, refusing to yelp and reach for my knives. I knew they could smell gunpowder and I wasn't that suicidal to want to even bring a loaded weapon in a vampire haven. But I brought my knives and they were silver and I knew I'd have to settle on that.

"He can request all he wants, but I think I'm ready to go home." I tried and knew I failed when the fang behind me chuckled. I didn't dare tear my gaze away from_ his_ and I was somewhat shocked that I could carry a slightly obtuse conversation and still manage to be winded from his gaze. He raised his eyebrow once again and I suddenly wished he wouldn't have any eyebrows. How would he handle that? Yes, it was a petty thought but I'm not above pettiness, particularly when I'm being held against my will.

"Come." The fang demanded making a grab for my elbow.

I saw the vampire on the throne stiffen a second and then returned back to stone. Good, I thought. I didn't need him, primarily him, to fight for me. And I sure as hell refused to be one of his antiquities.

"Touch me again and I'll make sure your last word is a scream." I growled. It must have been the growl or the sudden chill to the air but I felt rather than saw the fang nod.

He got the hint because a second later he stepped around me and began walking to the throne; I knew what he wanted and I was getting tired of playing along. I followed him, making sure not to be too eager lest they think I enjoyed their acts of superficial power but not trail too far behind. This wasn't a social call for me and I knew it might have seemed so for them but their motives were quite blatant. They were curious, they wanted to know more and see if they could exploit me for their cunning games. How drawl immortally must be.

I felt the air around me get thicker the closer we came to the throne, it might have been my nerves but I could have sworn I saw interest flare and dim just as quick as it had came to be in his eyes.

I followed the fang around the stage to the edge where the red velvet curtain hid a few steps leading up to the stage. I knew what they wanted, to climb to their whim and take the empty chair a few feet away from the throne. I was at their beck and call and I was seriously starting to think this guy had a huge ego and needed to be stopped from his overzealous power trip.

I growled again and cursed each step that led me closer to death incarnate. The entire time thinking the Mayor's kid dang well better be worth it. I finally saw the eyes of the devil and he had seen me. There was no turning back now even if my sanity had already fled screaming.


	9. The Price for Me

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Nine**

**The Price for Me**

"I've heard you've been looking for someone." He calmly stated.

We had stared at each other for what seemed like years but could only have been half an hour. I knew he wouldn't mind; he was immortal! What else would he have done? It's not like he had a shortage of time. I, on the other hand, seriously doubted I would ever see my home again, my car or even Sookie's stupid smile; and I felt an odd feeling rush through me. Dare I say I would miss all the people I knew in Bon Temps? Instead of thinking such unimportant thoughts, I chalked up the feeling to nerves.

I raised an eyebrow but still remained mute; what could I say to him? I didn't even know his name, why I had interested him so; I only knew that he owned Fangtasia. "Why would this be any of your concern?" I asked honestly before digging my fingers into the wooden armrests of my chair. I hadn't meant it to be snarky, I honestly wanted to know but I couldn't help I had a problem with him. Did he really have to be that sexy?

I knew I made a mistake when I watched the woman vampire squirm anxiously behind his chair. Or as anxiously squirming a stone could do. He simply settled for a raised eyebrow, which was much more effective.

"I mean, you just own this…fine establishment. What does it mean to you?" I asked realizing everything I said simply just dug me further into my grave. Fine establishment, my ass! This place was a dive that was trying to be classy; at least at Merlotte's no one tried to hide what he or she really were.

He raised his eyebrow and settled more deeply into his plush red velvet throne, "I am Eric Northman. Owner of Fangtasia and Sheriff of Area Five." I suppressed the urge to let my jaw fall to the floor; crap. No wonder he wanted to see me, he was suspicious, curious and he had every right to be. I had hunted around these parts before.

"Which to you simpletons would be Louisiana." The woman smirked behind him.

Eric raised his hand silencing her; "Leave us." He commanded and up until that point I realized they had been speaking Swedish the entire time. At least I hadn't, and even if that was a hopeless thought, I held onto it. Because if I concentrated on her, I would have probably been bleeding from the wounds she inflicted just with her eyes. "Pam." Eric warned.

Pam. Somehow, such a simple yet elusive name fit her, it was either accept it or make up a new name for her in my head and I never really trusted my tongue to silence my thoughts when I let myself go on a tangent.

I could tell she was fighting an eye roll and it was fascinating to watch her struggle. A part of her had to listen to him but the other, more rebellious part wanted to stab me and then tell him off kindly. But instead she quietly huffed and left us alone. If Eric hadn't been around, I knew I would have taunted her, I might have a few broken bones after, but it would have been worth it.

"So, what brings you to these parts?" Eric asked curiously. Though I knew he wasn't, by the cold calculating look in his eyes and the calm violent storm I sensed from him, he was far from it. He was simply thinking of ways to exploit everything about me.

"Sightseeing?" I tried.

"Try again." He warned.

"I'm…looking for someone." I hesitantly said. We were both playing a very dangerous game, each had their own motives and each of us refusing to yield and give to the other person. This was going to take longer than I had expected.

"Hmm?" He crossed his legs and I began to sweat. It took concentration not stare at him; imagine him doing things to me that I should never even have begun to think about. I hadn't once looked him in the eyes longer than necessary, his eyes had the color of icy green mist burning and it unnerved me. My breathing had become labored though; it wasn't so much of what he was doing to me; that was really affecting me.

But his power was just as strong and it had a different sensation to it. Where other people and fang's powers were concerned, it always had a painful tinge to it, almost like pinpricks and pinches. But his was…pleasant. Even addictive to me. It felt like a warm inviting thunderstorm, it was so inviting in a dangerous way and it made me throb hungrily. Something I hope, he never found out about.

I blinked away my lust and tried hard not to glare at him from what he was bringing out in me, "My…father's friend's kid has gone awry and they asked me find him."

It took a while for him to blink and one corner of his lips tugged upwards in a caustic smirk, "And you are looking for him here. Normally I would be very…disgruntled with people thinking the worst of my fine establishment."

I waited for a but from him and I waited a few minutes before I realized it wasn't coming, "I heard that it was a place to start."

"What else have you heard?" He asked quietly, eyes roaming over my face.

I tried not to squirm in my chair and I frowned. Since when did I squirm? And since when did I suddenly become so meek and easily flustered? I bet he never even had to try hard when it came to women and I pensively hated him more because of the unwilling pang I felt from that thought. I sure as heck wasn't jealous, I just had indigestion…yes, indigestion.

"That's all." I bit out. If he wanted to kill me, then let them try. But if I'm going down, I'm bringing them with me.

He must have sensed the sudden shift of my mood because his eyes roamed once again all over me, caressing every hard edge radiating off of me before he slightly leaned closer to me. "I could…retrieve him for you."

I raised my eyebrow; we weren't in Kansas anymore, Toto. That had cost him but I couldn't help but wonder how much it would cost me. "What's the price?"

He smirked once again and I tried not to admire his beautiful face structure or feeling the need to tear his clothes off. Dear lord what was going on with me? "Why would there be a price?"

I laughed derisively, what kind of fool did he think I was? Yes, we're all fools but I wasn't_ that_ foolish. So, I went armed to a vampire club, so I was a smartass to a vampire sheriff and wanted to sex him up…okay, I really was a fool. "I'm not an imbecile—"

"And yet you come here trying to find answers all the while attempting to hide yourself from me." He calmly stated, ice brandishing his words.

I sighed quietly, though I knew he heard since he raised his eyebrow daring me to voice my frustration. We had collided enough tonight and I as getting tired of watching what I had to say, I felt like I was sitting on nails this entire time and I didn't think I could handle it any longer.

"Come back tomorrow night." He quietly dictated. We were done for the night and I've never been more exhausted by a simple verbal match, but it was anything but simple. If he thought the boy meant a lot to me, Eric would think I would sacrifice more to get him back. Nor did I want him to think he was meaningless. And I sure as heck didn't want to sacrifice my soul to Mr. Northman.

"I have work to do." He eased himself away from me and I suddenly wanted to grasp him and pull him closer to ease the sudden emptiness I was feeling. Where had that come from? "Leave now. Next time you won't be as easily excused."

Excused? Was I suddenly a little kid again in a classroom with a surly teacher? I clenched my jaw and nodded, taking my leave. Bastard. If I didn't want to find the brat I would have enjoyed setting Eric down a peg or two.

I drove aimlessly around after that. It was a few more hours before sunrise and I really was dying to find out about my house. I wasn't afraid as I thought I'd have been leaving Fangtasia, Eric wouldn't send people to keep tabs on me. That I knew. It would ruin his game of hunting and playing mind games with me; it would ruin all his fun.

"Hello?" I heard a voice croak into the phone and I couldn't help but smile enjoying the irony that it was now my turn to wake her up and make her miserable.

"Hey, Sookie!" I artificially enthused, loving the fact that she was hating me for faking her cheer. At least now she'd know what her medicine tasted like.

"What the hell? Do you know what time it is?" She snapped, Southern Belle coming to fruition.

"Umm, no. So, how's my house?" I couldn't help but ask. It was hard trusting her and it was even harder giving her my keys and letting her redecorate.

"Oh! You are going to love it!" She animated through the phone. "My Gran helped!"

I pulled a face and tried to calm myself, dear god, what have I done? "Oh…you didn't have to do that, Sookie."

"It's okay, Erin. We're friends."

"No, really. You didn't have to do that." I tried once again.

"And I said it's okay, we're friends."

I sighed, wow, Sookie was a great person, with good intentions but sometimes…she sure had her moments.

"I'm going to let you go, I'm beat. When do you think you'll be back?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes, "It was going good but…an unforeseen…_thing_," Also known as sexy, deadly, brutal Eric Northman, "Came up. So I don't know. Sorry."

"No, it's okay, it'll give us time for the wallpaper to dry. Night, Erin!"

Before I could protest she hung up and I erased the conversation from my mind until something tugged me back…did she just say wallpaper?


	10. Blood Under the Fingernails

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Ten**

**Blood Under the Fingernails**

I barely slept that night; I drove aimlessly around until I found myself in front of my motel room, dripping wet from the sudden show of rain. It was the perfect way to cap off my horrid night, but tonight would be different. I was keener, sharper and I would see what his price would be.

I was attracted to him; sort of a way a child was attracted to danger, a daredevil attracted to adrenaline. Yes, Eric was exhilarating but he was sharp. And I knew he knew things about me, about what I could do, about what I was, that no one knew…especially not in Bon Temps. I had a feeling that, that truth would rear its ugly head sometime soon.

I decided on a black summer dress, a different style but black all the same rather than wear any color. He had only ever seen me in black and I didn't want to change my luck by surprising him; lest I interest him more. Plus, I felt like he was a bull and wearing red would just spell out trouble. So I settled on leaving myself plain and same old; why change, if tonight would mean my death, then I would prefer going in comfort and function to lace and frivolity.

I didn't bother with anything tonight but a simple dagger and though I knew what I was capable of, I still had to force myself not to bite my nails waiting in line. It still amused me how people were lining up to enter a club that thrived on the loss of humanity. What foolish games we play, us mortals.

"You're like a lamb to the slaughter house." I heard an amused voice bite out besides me and I briefly composed myself, trying to hide the violence rolling off of me. I was angry, I was pissed, I was ten ways enraged but I had to hide it. I hated Eric for using the boy to get to me, I hated myself for failing to hate Eric and I hated us both that every time we were in the same room the air crackled between us.

"How nice to see you again, Pam." I threw a sardonic smile her way and let her lead us both through the line into hell.

"Well, I couldn't miss an opportunity before Eric…occupied your time." She threw me a disparaging look and did something that if she were human would be called a snort. But vampires didn't snort, did they? At least not something as graceful and cold like Pam.

"How considerate of you." I commented dryly, raising an eyebrow at the emptiness of the throne.

"Don't be sarcastic, it's not becoming of you, Erin." She threw in a cold, warning smile and began walking to the back of the bar. I would normally be surprised she knew the name I was using, but I quickly remembered she had seen my I.D and I bet Eric now knew everything there was to know about Erin Doyle. At least there wasn't much.

So we were going to be meeting in private, I didn't know I felt about that. I didn't want to be alone in a room with him, I might do something I'd regret or try to kill him or he would simply make me disappear. At least when we were on the stage, we had a whole bunch of witnesses, not credible, but they were still watchers.

Pam stopped abruptly and it took a lot of grace not to stumble into her but thankfully tonight I wasn't wearing that high of a heel. She threw a despairing glance my way and I couldn't help myself when she began walking away, "Well, it's been a pleasure once again." I mentally wiped my brow when she kept on walking, leaving me standing in front an unmarked wooden door.

I don't know what I had been expecting when opening the door, something to jump out at me and rip my throat out? Him being naked? Nope, none of those things and boy, was I relieved. There was a small mahogany table in the middle of the room with a dinner setting for two, and only two candlelight's burning in the middle of the table. It sure was intimate and though I wanted to start conjuring up images of him trying to seduce me, I knew better. I couldn't see anything beyond the table, since the dang candles weren't that bright.

I inhaled a breath, refusing to be unnerved and firmly shut the door behind me. I didn't know when he would show, or even if he would. Was this simply a mind game, another way to prove his superiority over my mortality? This was probably another way to break me.

"If you keep frowning like that, you're going to break your lovely face." I heard a voice beyond the light say.

I shivered despite myself and the warmth in the room; I hadn't been expecting him to already be in the room. When he had told me to come back this night, I hadn't thought to think of us having dinner together. And hell if I would eat a civilized meal with him.

"Where is he?" I asked throwing myself back into the reason I had come.

I heard a disapproving sigh, "Do you honestly expect me to tell you all and not want something in return? That's not good bargaining skills, Erin." He reproached mockingly.

I didn't want to close my eyes and block his voice from doing things to my body, even though I couldn't see anything, didn't mean he couldn't see my act of weakness.

"I'm here, isn't that enough?" I asked frowning harder into the darkness.

"Not nearly." I heard the voice drawl closer to me and I blinked at the sudden movement of air. I opened my eyes and found him standing before me, staring piercingly into my eyes. "Come sit and eat." He silently ordered.

I felt his breath on my face and I knew all I had to do was push myself on my toes and I could finally taste him. It occurred to me that this entire time had been a way to break down my barriers, by proving his superiority, and what any other woman would have done in a romantic setting that we were in. I felt the sudden coldness to the air and he stepped farther away from me, moving towards a chair. He pulled it away from the table, and the scraping sound pulled me away from my hunkering lust.

"I seem to be repeating myself a lot around you." Eric commented dryly. He was the only one I knew that could wrap sarcasm, reproach, amusement and warning all in one sentence and he was the only one who could say something quietly yet command all of the attention. I thought Terry was sexy with his humble quiet self, I realized he had nothing, _nothing_ compared to Eric.

I slowly walked towards the chair accidentally brushing my arm across his and he stiffened suddenly an inch away from me, I looked up questioningly at him, baring my throat on purpose. I knew it could easily be interpreted as submission and normally it would be. But this time it was my turn to test him and he knew it, especially when something flared in his eyes.

I didn't dare move when he lowered his head towards me, and inhaled the air around my throat, "Don't play that game with me Erin, I know you won't like the outcomes." He warned brushing his nose against the beating pulse at my neck.

He left me standing there trying to compose myself when he took the chair opposite me and sat down. He always made lethargy look welcoming and deadly. "This is a different dress from the other night."

I glanced up from my studying the contents of the wine glass in front of me and stopped wondering about why he had stiffened. Something I wanted to ask a million questions about but knew I'd never get the answer in this century. I shrugged, "So it would seem so."

I saw a flicker of a smirk before it disappeared, "I would normally question your insolence."

I tore my attention away from the way his shirt clung to his bare arms and frowned, damn he was really built. "Why not now?"

Eric sighed, "Erin, we could play this game all night." I opened my mouth to blast him, it was his fault; he was the one who liked shooting the breeze. "Please help yourself before it gets cold."

I looked at the glass again and my plate of something that resembled a bloody steak and I couldn't help a caustic smile, "Trying to make sure I get enough iron?"

He raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "Very astute. It was Pam who ordered."

"I must thank her next time I see her then." I stared once again at the steak and mentally laughed. She was good; I'd give her that.

"Careful." He warned.

"I can take care of myself." I threw back at him and before I could blink I was roughly pulled out of my chair and found him holding my arms and staring frustratingly down at me. I could feel his hands tightening around my arms and I knew there was a huge storm of violence that he was threatening me with.

"I would start doubting myself, if I were you. You're in my house, Erin." He warned and I knew he hadn't liked letting me go last night.

"I have my own free will." I bit out trying to worm myself out from his steel grasp, which obviously didn't work; I hadn't budged an inch.

"Again, I'd start doubting that now Erin." Eric quietly reproached.

I bit back a frustrated growl, "What do you want from me, Eric?"

His hands tightened even more, "That's the first time you've said my name and you make it sound like it's a curse." He whispered into my ear, making me shiver when I felt his breath wisp on the sensitive spot behind my ear. He brushed his nose against my throat once again, a warning perhaps; a sensuous, deadly warning.

He let me go to lean against the table, caging me between the upturned chair that had fallen when he had grabbed me. I was left between the chair and standing between his legs as he sat on the edge of the table, arms crossed and watching me as a cat watches a mouse.

"I can't help it every time I'm around you I feel like I've been cursed." I commented trying not to feel too claustrophobic.

"Come here." He quietly commanded staring intently into my eyes.

I felt a tingle to the air itself and began to panic, if he knew I couldn't be glamoured, I was screwed. I hesitantly inched towards him until his thighs nestled around my hips and my insides melted.

He lifted an arm and brushed his fingertips up my bare arm until it cupped my neck. He inched my face towards his, "You're lying." He whispered, his warm breath brushing against my lips. My eyes widened and I pulled back, glad he let me have this one victory, I wasn't happy until my legs were digging into the fallen chair. "So you cannot be glamoured. I had thought that much; there was a new vampire that had tried and had grievances about you." Eric mused to himself.

I remembered the fang that had bugged me the first night I was here and I wondered what he was so amused about and couldn't help myself, "You didn't have to kill him."

Eric raised a sardonic brow, "Did he mean that much to you?"

I shook my head, I had been right. Eric really was death incarnate. "No, but he didn't know better."

"He knew better than to try to touch what's mine." Eric shrugged and I gulped down butterflies.

"I'm not yours." I glared. Dang vampires and their hoarding ways.

"I wouldn't make statements like, not with the current circumstances."

I tore my gaze from his damning amused eyes; he was right. I really was screwed, he had something I wanted, and I was something he wanted. He know had a formidable weapon, me. I just hoped he didn't find out about my other, more potent power.

I tensed when he reached up and cupped my face, rubbing a thumb over my cheek, "I always forget how fragile humans are."

I couldn't speak from all the sensations I was being bombarded with, his power felt so good, so refreshing from other peoples. Which was ironic, someone as dangerous and strong as he was, had the most pleasant non-threatening tingle to him. Dang it.

I didn't know what to say, or if I could even work my vocal chords at all but my gaze flickered to his thumb fingernail and I tensed again. There was dry blood under his nail and I suddenly came back to myself. He couldn't glamour me, but he sure could seduce me and it worked, we both knew it. No matter how romantic his touches were, no matter how arousing _he_ was, he was still a monster. The blood only brought the reality crashing back down.

I pulled away from him, careful not to trip over the chair and left. Once again he let me go, realizing I couldn't be pushed any more. I didn't start breathing again until I was speeding towards Bon Temps with an eagerness I didn't know I had in me. It wasn't until I fished around my glove compartment for my house keys that I realized he hadn't even told me anything about the real reason I had went to him; where was the dang Mayor's boy. He had set the trap and I had played along; it wasn't until I had left and was back to my senses that I realized I had fallen for it.


	11. Magnificent Desolation

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Eleven**

**Magnificent Desolation**

I woke up groaning and immediately slammed my eyes shut when light burst its burning way into my head. All I knew was that it was bright, too bright and there were too many bright things in my room that didn't help. I had stumbled in last night, too exhausted from driving around and trying to find the boy without _his _dang help to really notice the new décor.

I hesitantly opened my eyes and glanced around the room and groaned again, covering my face and falling back under the covers. _Not_ what I had been expecting, but after all, I did go to Sookie for her help and heck; she's the only southern belle I really knew. The first thought that flashed into my head was to grab a gun and go blazing into her Gran's place, harpy crazy. I inhaled deeply and once again braced myself, dear god, _it was wallpaper!_ And were those flowers on the walls? Was that a vase with…fresh flowers in them? Good god this place looked like it was designed with Miss Daisy in mind and I suddenly was feeling intensely grouchy and feeling very cantankerous.

My cell rang and I dived under the covers trying to locate it and well…trying to hide away from all the bright frivolity. Did I forget to mention to her that I was practical and reasonably simple? Loving nothing more than function over forms any time of any day?

"What?" I barked into the phone, not bothering and not even caring to see whom was calling.

"Whoa! Sounds like someone did a little roughhousing last night." I heard Sookie's voice gush over the phone. One; I wasn't going to give her details and two; I wanted to shoot her at point blank for what she did to my dang house! It was fine the way it was before, when it had character! Now, what it lacked in character in made up for in senior residency designs. Shoot me.

"Look, Sookie—"

"Well, get your butt up sleepy head! I'm stopping by." She excitedly hushed.

"What? Now? I just got in a few hours ago and have to…" What did I have to do when my case was so entwined with Eric? I drew a blank and tried weaving an elusive tale about knowing where the boy was but I realized it was all in futility since she was speaking over me.

"Great! I'll see you in twenty minutes and please put pants on this time. See you then!" Before I could hastily input an excuse, she hung up and I was left with the irritating sound of the dial tone.

Twenty minutes became more like a minute with all the things I had to do, hiding my bowie knife I carried around with me, my daggers, my evening dress and my case file. Not including the fact that I had to find clothes and look at least somewhat respectable; although in Bon Temps all was needed was a can of hairspray, and a few slabs of makeup. I had neither. It was better that way; I was more into the sleepy eyed messy look than trailer trash any day.

"Erin? Hello?" I heard a voice call from my foyer and immediately my frown grew darker. Her transformation of my place was now rubbing off on me and making me think of words like foyer! Since when was my living room a foyer? And why the heck did she still have my spare key? "You know, I've noticed you frown a lot, you should stop that. You don't want to get wrinkles."

"I'll think about it." Any longer than I'd think about sticking needles in my eyeballs, "I don't plan on living long enough for that anyway. That reminds me, can I have my spare key?" I asked outstretching my hand.

"Oh, of course!" She smiled handing it to me, the entire time her eyes gleaming, "So, how do you like the place?"

I refused to look around my house, even the living room had scared me; my plan was to keep my eyes on one object that I was familiar with and ignore everything else. Which, considering the flamboyant colors and flower schemes, was extremely difficult. "Oh…it's…nice."

I tried smiling but she didn't even notice my lack of enthusiasm; she was that pleased and proud of the place she designed. I knew she liked it and I knew I didn't. It wasn't because she did a horrendous job, which to me she did; it was simply the fact that our styles and tastes were vastly different. I preferred Spartan and she preferred things lavishly quaint. I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I didn't want to lie. If I somehow curtailed the lines, I'd be fine. I bit down the urge to pick up a whole handful of cases just so I could leave this house and sat down on a green velvet couch.

"You both did a…great job." That wasn't a lie; they both had worked hard with all the wallpaper and flower arrangements.

"Thanks! Gran and I are happy you liked it! She also told me to invite you over for dinner whenever you're not busy." She finally glanced away from her handiwork and stared unblinkingly in my eyes, gauging my emotions.

I shrugged, I knew the price and was fine with it. The only question was; what should I bring to dinner? "Sure, how does sometime next week sound?"

She beamed, "Sounds great!" And I knew I passed the test, I wanted to make an excuse but there was a limit to the amount of excuses and lying I could do before they got overtly suspicious. Hopefully this dinner would tide me over in the social department and give me time to take on other cases. "Oh! That reminds me, these are for you!" She smiled again and handed me a basket with linen covering whatever she had brought.

A part of me wanted to throw the basket back at her and haul her ass out of my life but the other part didn't mind her at all. Did I also mention that I felt uniquely at a disadvantage when around her? She was everything I was not and I was never more keenly aware of it then when I was in her presence. "What are they?" I squinted warily at the basket unsure if I wanted to accept them or not.

"Biscuits, silly! I saw your fridge, it was empty and I realized you probably don't cook for yourself—"

"I cook for people, I tend to get tired of food after a while." I shrugged dryly. I lifted the linen and almost groaned when the sweet, heady smell wafted over to me; they were still warm!

"Well, I'll leave you to it." She smiled walking towards the door to make her leave before abruptly stopping, "Oh! That reminds me, Terry has been asking about you…well, as much as Terry ever asks about someone he's interested in." She gave me a speculated look and I shrugged, wiping a crumb off my shirt.

"And?" Where was she going with this? Matchmaker Sookie, I couldn't handle; I could barely handle Designer Sookie as it is.

"Oh, well, never mind." She smiled again and slammed the door behind her, jarring me from my whirlwind of suspicion. What did she do now?

Hours later, a few hours before sunset, I was reclining on a patio swing on my porch. Who knew a novelty like that could be fun? I wasn't even beginning to feel hungry, her biscuits had not only tided me over but I'm sure if I ever saw one again, I'd gag. Healthy cooks, they were not; but they sure were tasty and maybe I was a wee bit famished.

I watched a car slowly drive up to my peddle riddled driveway and wished I had brought a gun out with me, though I probably would fit in with the locals, I didn't know how to feel about that. But I knew I wasn't in the mood for company and when I saw who it was, my interest, lust and nerves peaked. Damn Sookie.

"Hey."

I gulped down my nerves and stood up to greet him, "What are you doing here?"

Terry shrugged, "Didn't see you at work, Sam said you got some trouble."

I almost balked when my mind flew to Eric but I realized he had meant the boy, "Nah, it'll clear up in a couple of days." I glanced around unsure of what to say, he had driven all the way to my place and not only did I want to take him to my bedroom, I was only too aware of the consequences. I did not want to be like Dawn and I didn't want to eat where I slept.

Terry nodded, ascending the last few steps of the stairs, he was too close, if he reached out he could easily grab me and I wasn't so sure if that was a bad thing anymore. "Good, we need you at work."

I raised my eyebrow; my interest peaked, "We?"

Terry shuffled his feet despite my growing smirk, "Yeah, you know…Arlene, Sam…Dawn."

I couldn't help myself and a laugh escaped my lips, "Oh, now I know you're lying. Come in for something to drink, it's too hot out here."

Terry glanced at the sky, shock ridden, "But today is one of the colder days."

I frowned, I didn't _do_ hot weather, heck; I became even more irritable and aggressive than I usually was. "I wish someone would have told me that before."

"Before what?" He asked, voice giving away nothing. It was a loaded question and I realized I'd have to thread carefully, no matter how much I wanted to trample him.

"Before I bought this house!" I mentally wiped my brow when he nodded, seemingly accepting my taut reason. I could give a rat's ass about the inside of the house, but it was still mine and like vampires, I hoarded what was mine.

I glanced around the forest nestling around my property, "I think it suits me well." I didn't even hear him come up to me until I felt his hand on my shoulder, turning me around to face him.

"It does. Too well." I bit back a gasp when he bent his head and captured my lips. There were so many things I wanted to do in that moment. Push him away, tear his clothes off, push him closer to me, shoot Sookie, start a war with everyone in Merlotte's but I settled on him kissing me. I didn't push it; I knew if I did, he wouldn't leave until tomorrow morning and I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror.

He was a gentle and thoughtful kisser, quiet yet confident and soft. I wouldn't mind kissing him all day but there was still a raging hunger deep in my stomach that I knew he couldn't even dream of satisfying. I always ignored its presence but it made itself determinedly aware to remind me that I was still in an absence. I liked Terry but Terry would never tide me over. He was a great guy and a great kisser but I didn't want a gentleman. I wanted to be ravished violently. And given Terry's past, I would never ask him of that.

I didn't know how we ended up in my house, my back against the door but I knew it was getting too good when I heard him moan low in his throat. Here he was in a state of ecstasy and here I was over thinking things and not bothering to let myself go. That's not what I wanted, I didn't want the choice to let go; I wanted to be thrown in to oblivion.

"What's wrong?" Terry asked me breathlessly.

What's wrong? Everything was wrong! I was feeling guilty for kissing him instead of Eric! What madness was that? If I had a shotgun in that instant I would have shot them both down. The guilt was easily replaced by ice when I came back to my senses. I stared at Terry, "I can't…not now. It's too soon."

It took him a while to get his breathing back under control and it took just that long for him to finally be able to stand on his own rather than lean against me, "I…" He cleared his throat and I immediately felt a rush of empathy, he felt the same way I felt when I was around Eric_._ I still wanted Terry, I was still hungry but I knew he would never really satiate me; it still didn't stop my lust though.

He rested his forehead against mine and I glanced at the clock. It had felt like hours we had been kissing and from the hands ticking away, I had been right. I stiffened and pulled away from him, "Aren't you working tonight?"

He let go of me and stared at the clock before turning back to me, cursing under his breath, "I have to go. I'll phone you, maybe we can go to a movie—"

I nodded, already thinking of excuses I could make to push him away until I was ready for the circumstances, "Sure, I'll be in the city a little bit longer though." It was as weak as a hair but it was all the commitment I could sacrifice to him.

He left quickly thereafter, rushing and cursing the entire way to his car. I knew he took his job seriously and I respected him for it. I would have lost that respect if he had remained any longer with me, even though I still wanted him to. I don't know how long I leaned against the door, resting and calming myself, trying to find a suitable reason to punch Sookie in the nose for this. I knew she meant well, just as she meant well for decorating my place but dang it, we weren't alike. It'd be best she'd remember that next time.

I heard and felt a swift knock on the door and glanced at the curtain-covered windows. Who would come knocking at this time in the night? Did girl-scouts make evening calls? I wish they did, I could surely use a chocolate cookie in my time of need. I pushed myself away from the door, cookie on my mind, I quickly wondered if the gas station had cookies there and pulled open the door, cursing when I saw who was standing there.

In all her cold, sarcastic glory.

Pam.

"Aren't you going to let me in?" She mused raising an eyebrow when I refused to budge. I'd rather eat fire. "Come on, we could have fun and have…a night just for us girls." Somehow she shoved so much disdain in that one sentence, no one in his or her right mind would accept. But neither would they be so jubilant to slam the door on her cold face. I was stuck.

"I don't feel like being your entertainment." I shrugged feeling safe in my haven and slightly petty about it also. Would she rip my tongue out if I waggled it at her or would she cut it out? Both prospects I had no desire to see into fruition.

"Aren't you going to ask how I knew where you lived?" She mocked.

I shook my head, my scent? Her investigative skills? All I knew was that it complicated things, more than I foresaw and I knew I was suddenly in way too deep for my liking.

She glanced over my shoulder and grimaced, turning back to me for answers with her one raised brow. I shrugged, how could I explain the bedlam, which was the wallpaper or the couch or all the flowers? "I got it designed."

She snorted, "I would have killed the person." She commented dryly.

I smirked despite myself, "I thought about it."

Her and I shared an amused knowing look before reality came crashing down. Here we were, having a conversation and we even agreed with each other! What the heck was wrong with today?

"What do you want, Pam?" I asked trying to sound inquiring and not like I was suddenly worried about the state of my throat after she was through with me.

"Me? I could care less about you humans but it would seem you have Eric intrigued." She commented and not without sarcasm and warning. I knew she didn't like to see Eric so intrigued by me, neither did I though. I didn't want anything from him, I just wanted him to leave me alone and I could find the boy on my own. She knew I had no ulterior motives so she let me off easily. If her hassling me and glaring at me was easy, what the heck was hard?

"So?" I prompted.

"He requests an audience with you." She spelt it out. I knew Pam was old and she was good at hiding her age, the way she dressed; she was timeless. But it was always what she said or how she said it that dated her.

"Tell him I'm busy." I excused. The only reason I would ever be so adamant about becoming a hermit and so insolent was the fact that she couldn't attack me unless I invited her in. I didn't bother thinking about the fact that I worked at night and she probably already knew where I worked.

Pam's eyebrow shot up, yes; it was the wrong thing to say but I was having a bad day and wanted to be left alone. She wasn't helping my inept social skills. "I would suggest you make yourself not busy then." She warned. I opened my mouth and her eyes glinted like steel, "You could always make your excuses to him."

I glared at her knowingly and reached behind the door for my car key, "Oh look, my schedule is suddenly empty." I bit out sardonically. She nodded and walked down my steps leaving me to get there by myself. I thanked whatever luck I had left that she wouldn't demand I drive her also. I didn't need a tour guide, I knew my way to purgatory.


	12. Belied Myself

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twelve**

**Belied Myself**

My skin was tingling the whole drive to Fangtasia, it seemed my body was hyperaware and happy to be in his presence once again. I'd be danged if I ever admitted I enjoyed what his presence did to me and I'd die before I admitted that maybe, just maybe I had missed him a little. All in all, the drive was uneventful but it gave me time to think about the boy and though normally I would have been all but happy to think about a case, my mind kept wandering to a certain vampire.

I was a little irked, to say the least, about me being 'requested' by him but I would rather shove my feminist ideals aside, do his bidding as long as he stayed the hell of away from Bon Temps and well, me. I didn't know how I'd feel if I found him lounging on my doorsteps one night, I might try to kill him but I knew there was that needling hunger that would do anything to let him in. I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him and I was starting to lose trust in myself when the subject was Eric.

"It sure took you a while to drive here." I heard a voice dryly comment besides me as I stood in the damned long line outside of Club Immorality or was that the Club of Discontent?

I shrugged and followed her weaving us through the throngs of people, "I don't have special powers like all of you."

Pam glanced behind her shoulder at me for an uncomfortably long minute, "I highly doubt that, Erin." I swallowed and waited until she began walking again, "I know you…dislike Fangtasia."

I caught myself before I could snort my agreement, "Why do you say that?"

"Is it the disdain dripping from your voice and face every time you are within fifty feet? Or is it the fact that I can see an amused glint in your eyes?" She started and I had to mentally shove myself away from retreating, I knew she was keen but she still shocked me. "Despite what you may think, people are enthralled by this…place." She dryly finished. I heard a wisp of boredom from her voice, more than normal and I was about to ask her if she was tired of playing herself into the palms of mortals when she stopped in front of the same damned wooden door and began walking away.

Where was the facetious Pam? The one whom kept everyone at a distance with her sarcasm and dry wit…dear god, we were even starting to sound alike. She was changing the circumstances and I was beginning to wonder why and if indeed I wanted such a change. "Pam?" I asked glad she stopped walking but still unnerved. "Why are you telling me all this?"

She didn't bother glancing behind her back to face me, she didn't have to; she had heard the nervous uncertainty plain and clear in my damning voice, " I know you're smart, Erin. Smarter than the rest of the cattle, so I'm not going to dictate you about asking intelligent questions. Might as well get used to each other, I say. I'll see you around."

Was that…a small hint of kind welcoming I detected in her voice? Dear god, I preferred Killing Pam than Kind Pam any day. Heck, even Cold Pam was a step in the right direction. This changed things; she had decided to change our reluctant friendship into…a real one. I was in way over my head and retreating was not an option anymore. I just hoped when the time came, I knew where my humanity stood.

As I reached for the doorknob it was ripped open revealing a glowering Eric, "I was starting to wonder if you were going to make an appearance."

I shoved past him, careful to not touch him, how could I when I knew the moment we touched; I would never be able to stop. I barely glanced at him, I couldn't help that either, I was still imprinted by his touches and he hadn't even kissed me yet! Not that I was holding my breath.

"You can wonder as much as you like but—"

"Don't. Push. Me." He warned still hanging by the now closed door. So he was giving me space, I was thrilled yet disappointed at the same time.

I snapped, I couldn't help myself this time. I was tired of being shoved; of flinging myself to his every whim and finding I enjoyed my time with him. I just wanted to go back to my bed, under the covers and pretend like he never existed. Maybe Terry could be my lifesaver after all. "Stop pushing me then! This is it Eric, I'm tired of playing into your hands, just leave me alone."

He didn't even flinch at my tone, didn't even raise an eyebrow at my audacity; he was stone and I was human, "What about the boy?"

"I can find him on my own." I replied tiredly.

Eric shrugged, ice burning in his eyes, "It would be pointless now."

I found myself taking an earnest step towards him before I dug my heels in the ground, "You found him?"

"It was…an easy find." Eric shrugged, the first movement he made since I snapped. He was starting to worry me, I wasn't worried about him, I was worried about what he was going to do with me once the ice melted his limbs.

"Where is he now?"

Eric raised an eyebrow, "I wouldn't push too hard, Erin. I may be lenient on you but that's my own excuse." He warned.

I opened my mouth and slammed it shut just as I caught myself. I was starting to feel horrified about myself, was I getting comfortable around him? I hoped not, I really did. God knows what would happen then. I shifted my feet and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear when it almost poked my eye out, almost being a very generous, relative term. Before I had a chance to think of something to say, I saw a flicker of something shift in his eyes and was thrown roughly against the door.

Air whooshed out of my lungs and I gasped trying to force myself to breath when the function was quickly forgotten. Eric tightened his steel grip on both of my wrists with one of his and held it above my head, making my back arch into him. I knew fighting would be futile but I still squirmed, I could have fought harder but my body wouldn't let me. My body already began lusting and wanting him and I couldn't help feeling betrayed by my stupid self.

"You push me, Erin. I've let you before, all new puppies push their new masters but mark my words, there won't be a next time if you continue on this obstinate road." He quietly lectured; I ceased my movements and held still, just like a prey before being ripped apart by the predator.

His other hand slithered its way down my neck and side, wrapping his arm around my waist. Normally, under different less wayward circumstances, I would have relished the feeling of him pulling me closer to him, of his body pushing against mine, my hips nestling his, but I had to force my mind to focus. I knew he was dangerous, I just never realized that I'd have to fight myself along with him.

"Let go." I bit out fighting the moan in my throat when his breath feathered on the sweet spot behind my ear. Bastard.

I felt his chuckle more than I heard it, "I let you stay in good graces, I told others not to touch you and yet you come to me smelling of another." His voice had taken on a deadly edge, more deadly than I've ever heard him use, and he was deadly incarnate. Pain sheared through me and I bit down hard on my tongue when I thought my wrists would shatter from his force. When or if this was over, I was going to kick his ass.

"Eric." I breathed out. I shuddered when he sniffed once again at my neck, normally I would laugh, a man sniffing a woman's neck? But this was no living man and we weren't a couple, I was suddenly very angry with Terry and Sookie for not helping.

"I'd…advise you not to let it happen again. I don't like _people_ pawing at what's mine." My futile struggles became stronger, to hell with him. I was no one's but my own. Eric must have known his wrong-sided possessiveness would rile me, he chuckled darkly and I clamped my mouth shut to hide my moan when his breath fanned out on my throat. Damn him.

His hand tightened on my hip and I would have begged him to push against me, I would do anything to feel him, to feel him shove his hips harder into mine, if I wasn't careful I'd invite something dangerous to happen. But my hips weren't getting enough force, enough attention and it was getting lonely down there.

He moved his face away from my throat to face me, his hand making its way back up to my throat. I squirmed again when he cupped his long fingers around my neck, "You are mine Erin. The less you fight it, the more enjoyable you might find things to be." He commented airily. Or as airily as a sarcastic, dry, dangerous vampire could ever become. I refused to be damned by fighting what felt like the futile. It wasn't futile; my soul, my everything was at stake and it might be fun descending to the abyss but I was too strong to go down easily. And hell if the remedy was worse than the disease, at this moment; it was all bad in my books.

He let go of me and moved away as if my mere presence was disgust as if I suddenly sprouted two heads or became a leper. He didn't find me so distasteful when he was threatening me. I was still struggling to breathe, to even think straight had become such a task I wasn't sure if it was really worth it. My knees wobbled and I locked them, glaring at Eric who'd taken a seat at the table.

I hated him for what I became around him, I hated him for feeling things that were unjustified and illogical. I hated Pam, I hated the boy, and I hated everyone for screwing with me. I'd have loved to grow into a large, giant gorilla and get all King Kong on their Asses. It would have felt so good to stamp on all of them. Wishful thinking, at best.

"Leave." Eric ordered from his spot at the table. I had ignored his presence so well when he sat down, it felt like the last hour or two hadn't even existed. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could make myself forget.

I knew my pride was at stake, if it weren't, I would have stayed and fought, but I had to pick up what was left of my pride from the floor and leave in humility. It was a lesson that had to be learned, I knew that but I refused to be confined by it and I refused to let this lesson change or shape me in any way. I had taken a beating but I wasn't broken and I'd be damned to let him break me.

With what was left of my shattered nerves, I walked out, my spine straighter and harder than it has been in a while. I never expected a frontal attack from Eric; I hadn't anticipated his jealousy or was it possessiveness? I almost forgot about Pam's 'attempt' at a mutual friendship, or Terry's kiss or even the date with Sookie and Gran. And when was I going to get the stupid boy back? My stomach plummeted on the way to my car, my life was in the gutters and I really didn't want to face any one or anything anymore.

But I've proven my resilience before and if anything, I knew I'd survive. What that survival consisted of, it was anyone's guess. But even though life was constantly throwing hurdles my way and it was hard, there were times when I didn't think I could ever go on and sometimes when I didn't want to. But I knew I could. I'd have to because at the end of the day, things don't ever stop, especially not for mere mortal inclinations.


	13. Underneath the Predisposed Quiescence

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Thank you. I know in our times and in our own lives, words often don't have meaning anymore but if I'm nothing but honest, I would like to thank everyone. To the reviewers, readers, people who have added me to their favorites or alerts, anything really. Thank you. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Underneath the Predisposed Quiescence **

_1:55am_

I blinked and glared at the clock hanging mockingly on the wall across my night-darkened room. I had just closed my eyes, sighing deeply when I thought for once, this night; I would sleep. I had been wrong. Sleep evaded me, I tried thinking of what was bothering me but it felt like a blockade in my mind. I shuffled my feet in frustration and kicked my covers off, trying to ventilate my overheated, over filled body from the memories of a certain vampire. I felt itchy and slow, uneasy and my skin felt like I was swimming in a bed of ants. I just felt needy and…wrong.

_2:34am_

I groaned and clamped a hand over my eyes; I had tried counting to ten, I had paced and even gave into my over cumbersome heated mind. I imagined him tugging me to him and ravishing me, just on the brink of violence but not once doing anything I didn't yearn for. Giving into the darkest temptations that I silently, maybe even subconsciously screamed for; didn't help my lack of sleep.

_3:15am_

I wasn't so much as tired anymore; I was on the brink of pissed and on the verge of frustrated tears. At this point I would have crawled over glass just to feel the silent bliss that came from sleep. Everything was whirling in my head, thoughts of Terry and his sweet tender kiss, Sookie and her demands of being friends, Pam and her abstruse hints. Sam and his secrets, hiding my own secrets and powers, finding the mayor's kid and even the tyrannical, sexy Eric. Names, places, circumstances and reasons were all weighing me down; trying to sludge through the muck and grime in my head was not only keeping me awake but I was starting to feel the pulses of a migraine forming.

_4:05am_

I didn't even bother trying to worm my way out of the thought overloads or even the lack of sleeping. At this point, I simply acquiesced, flinging my pillow at the clock; desperately wanting to make the mocking ticks disappear from existence but my aim had went downhill from all the raging in me. I so desperately wanted to leave the confinements of this damning room; driving, jogging…anything rather than staring at the ceiling and wondering when was the last time Eric had a lover? Not that it was of any importance to me. But no matter how much I wanted to runaway from my insomnia, I couldn't. My body was lax, sluggish and I didn't know if wadding through the lethargy was worth anything at the end of the tunnel.

_4:47am_

I knew what was bothering me. At least, I thought I did. Was it Eric? And how readily I made myself for him, running and jumping to his every want? Yes, I wanted him. I was past even denying it, maybe after a day or two of sleep, I would deny again. But whom was I kidding? I wanted him more than I wanted anything; I wanted to feel his arms caging me, muscles rippling, his pelvis pushing against mine, digging me into the mattress. Even to feel his weight atop of me would have me happy and my skin heated again at the thoughts. So much for sleep.

_5:15am_

Blame, I needed to blame something, _anything_ for filling my pores with insomnia; frustration just seeping from me and I slammed a pillow over my head to deafen the screaming chirps of the morning birds. I desperately wanted to fight something, take out all the aggression boiling off of me onto someone else. I knew this; hell if I was planning on seeing Eric again; he can very well go roast and drown in the sun for all I cared. And screw Terry for kissing me and making Eric angry. And what were Sookie's problems for thinking she could fix mine with an easy go-lucky plot? I had no energy, I had so many thoughts and trying to find the underlining of my subconscious to see what was bothering me was worth crap.

_5:56am_

Screw it, I thought, kicking myself out of bed and into my jogging clothes. Maybe clean morning air, sweating and nature would clear my head and make me feel less antsy. Was it because I knew next time if I ever saw Eric again, things would be different? Or when I went to Sookie's I'd be examined ferociously by her and Gran, or the questions I faced at Merlotte's or…Terry. I couldn't be slack and lax anymore, I tried at first when I had moved here to remain quiet and nonessential to everyone in town. But, they were starting to get to know me and good god; they were even starting to…like me. I couldn't forge any care and emotion anymore, remaining at arms length would only hinder me. I was going to have to jump headfirst and hope I didn't fall any harder than I already was.

I don't know how long I had been running for, but it helped. The burning in my lungs and muscles was relaxing; it made me realize that I was living. After a night of living through bisected sleep and wondering if I were in limbo, the pain was a relief. Why should I feel the pinpricks of fear when it wasn't the first time I tasted uncertainty? I would just have to hope for the best and land on my feet; if they somehow found out who I really was, I could always pack up and leave. It felt good to have a backup plan and the night of living hell was starting to seem almost unimportant to the optimism I was feeling.

But when I saw a crumpled form on my porch, not moving or twitching, chest slowly rising; everything I had worked myself through, getting over the inevitable, knowing I should give up a losing fight, glasses filled to the brim…everything went out the window. So much for my new state of optimism.

I grabbed my bowie knife; the one I never left my house without and slowly edged my way up the porch, eyes narrowed and body waiting. His face looked familiar, it was hard to place him on account of his pale, waxen complexion but once again, my photographic memory kicked in and I was left gaping for a brief second or two. Why was the Mayor's kid tied up and unconscious on my porch and why was there a pin stabbed into him with a note attached?

If it weren't my life and bounty on the line I would have laughed at the audacity of the vampires, literally sticking a note to a human. I studied the note; there were no romantic love words or erotic haikus declaring Eric mine from himself, there was simply his name in bold black scrawl. I sighed and grabbed the kid, half dragging and half pulling him into my house. They must have left him as a gift on my porch and I was none to happy about the price I knew I had inadvertently paid. I pulled out my phone and quickly left a message to his father and my contact, suddenly wishing I had asked more for the trouble I had put myself into over this boy.

I untied him and then retied him to one of my kitchen chairs and I couldn't help but smile darkly, imagining what Sookie would do if she realized what I was doing with one of her frivolous, over flowery chairs she had bought into my house. I left a few painkillers and water on the table for him and sought some clean, interrogation clothes. They usually consisted of anything in my wardrobe but it always made me feel more professional to get into character or torture mode. Luckily, it wasn't in my job description this time and I squelched the biting edge of disappointment realizing I really needed to let my frustrations and pent up anger on anything or anyone out.

I heard a groan from the kitchen and I quietly set my hairbrush down, leaving my room with quiet resolve, breathing in the calm I always felt when interrogating. I couldn't bring myself to tape his mouth shut, he had done nothing wrong and even though he was a spoilt insolent child, I still didn't want to shake the reality of what I do for a living into his life. He was so much younger in person than he was in the photos and I couldn't help but feel a slight tingle of pity and empathy. Good god, something really was wrong with me! I was feeling something and it was for a complete and utter stranger. Maybe I really did need sleep, this lack of slumber was making me seem almost…human.

"Who are you?" He grumbled out, head lolling on his shoulders, he tried staring up at me and failed miserably when his head only bobbed slightly. He resembled a drunk; faltering, slurring and squinting against the light. The pity was slowly draining into disgust; it was good to be back to my normal self.

I dragged a chair, making sure to make as much noise as humanly possible and placed it right in front of his, our knees an inch away from touching. Intimidation was something that I not only was good at, it was one of my favorite hobbies. I stared at the note on the table with the bloody pin, knowing it was a smart idea to pull it out when he was unconscious; I might live outside of town but Bon Temps was still small enough for people to get curious about why they heard a young boy screaming from my house. My mind ditched my resolve and wandered to Eric and wondering if he would scream when he came, would it be a shout or a groan? Would Terry? Why was I thinking about two men when I knew very well I couldn't even handle one? I suppressed an urge to fan myself and widened my legs only slightly, trying to ignore the mad throbbing and appear reticent.

"How's you shoulder?" My Bowie knife dug into my back but I tried ignoring the stinging pain; at least it cleared away the lust.

"Did my dad hire you?" And there was the incessant snobby brat again, with his tone dripping of adolescent sneer.

"And why would you think that?" If he was adolescent contempt embodied then I could show him what adult snide and sarcasm could look like.

He finally stared up at me and I saw him blanch even more than he already was; if he didn't have a pulse and if it weren't sunny out, I would have thought he'd be a fang. At least he had the personality of one down pat. I knew I looked a wee bit on the unhealthy ashen side, from the hours I had been keeping, the damning company and lack of food and sleep; I was surprised I still looked somewhat human. He on the other hand had such a white face; I would have bet my entire bounty that he was wearing some sort of cover-up or make-up. And the disgust grew even more; killing any pity I had might have felt in a fleeting second. "Because I know you're not a kidnapper, my dad's not important enough for that kind of shit. He's a coward for hiring you and you both can go burn in hell!" He spat on my boot and my eye twitched, screw disgust or pity, this kid needed to be taken down a peg. Surprise that Eric hadn't disciplined him was quickly outshined by my eager rage.

He must have known it was the wrong thing to say or my eye might have warned him but the next thing I knew, the chair and him were knocked back, and my boot was on his throat, closing his airways, "I don't know you, I could give a rat's ass to ever know some fool like you. I was going to give you some leeway, maybe untie you until your father's people came to pick you up or offer you a painkiller or two but hell no. You were in the vampire underground, you should know never, _never_ to piss or spit on anyone who's more dominant and stronger than you are. And you, my pathetic weasel are nothing but a fly." I shoved my foot into his ribs and grinned darkly when he gasped. Just a few more hours and he'd be gone.

I left him lying there; groaning, cursing and grumbling as I went to the living room and sat on the horrid green couch, turning on the television. At first I had been surprised to realize Eric hadn't broken the boy, from what I gathered; it was one of his favorite pastimes. Then reality snuck in and he would have been doing me a favor, and if this was all a game, if he was really trying to irk me, then it was more like a big F-you in my face from him. I grudgingly gave him a point and turned the volume up louder to ignore the boy's demands.

I had closed my eyes for one second feeling the delicious tendrils of slumber wrapping itself around me when I woke suddenly to the shouts from the boy in my kitchen. The anger came back and I briskly walked back, hauled him up and glared angrily into his dull eyes. "Look, _boy, _I haven't slept for a few days trying to find your ass and the moment I find some resemblance of calm, you start shooting your mouth. So tell me, please, I'm begging to know, why the hell are you shouting?" I finished in a loud roar of my own, screw neighbors, screw everyone, yelling made everything better in some circumstances. And this was dire.

"Why are you doing this?" He quietly asked. I pushed away from him and took a spot against the counter, leaning and scrutinizing him.

"Why? Why are you acting like a rotten child? So your dad is rich and your parents probably ignore you and maybe you think you have everything and are bored. I've always been adamant that money breeds malcontent and discontent. But what do you do? You throw money at your problems and try to screw away your problems." I glared and nodded when he cringed, good; at least someone had to break reality down for him, even if it took monosyllables.

"Did you ever think about the cost? The fact that the vampire camp is using you for their betterment and agenda? You won't survive this." I quietly added.

"I don't want to." He confessed and I bit back a curse; the disgust and anger was draining back to pity and empathy. Dang it.

"You have to. You have to show every single naysayer and doubter out there that not only did you survive this but have made something out of what they said was worthless. You have to be better than any of them." I commanded, remembering the talk I had gotten from my uncle and had passed down to my little sister before I had left. Last I had heard she was married and pregnant with her fifth kid; I was dang proud and slightly worried that she was naming the rascal after me…the real me.

"You sound like you've been where I am." The sneer was trying to come back into his voice and eyes but he was too eager to hear advice to work for the rebellious urge.

"I've been to hell and back. And we'll all go down at one point or another but it's only the strong ones that get back up. There was a time when I was stupid and very immature, I didn't think I had any purpose; my parents had enough of world saving agendas for me to really want to make a difference. So I played around, did things that I shouldn't, got wronged so many times that my uncle finally pulled me aside, talked to me and then cuffed me…I'm still grateful to that man more than anyone I've ever known." I quietly confessed, I knew I was telling more to this stranger than to anyone in Bon Temps but I had faith that we would never cross paths again. I sometimes got close to the missing persons cases I took on and thankfully to this day, all the things I've said to them have not yet bit me in the ass.

"What happened to him?" He asked.

I squelched down the sadness, "The cycle of life happened. You're dad should be here soon." It was a cheap, low blow but I was suddenly very tired and weary of talking about myself.

His face scrunched up and there was something forming on his face that was starting to resemble a pout, "Look…I'm not saying you should stay with him forever. I've told you what I've learnt but maybe you have to learn it for yourself. Its just business kid, nothing personal." I waited until he nodded before continuing, "I just want my bounty and to get that, I need to you go with your dad."

"I hate that son of a—" His hackles rose and so did his voice.

"Let me finish!" I snapped shoving away from the counter, "All I'm saying is that you have to stay with him for a day or two so I can get my bounty but that's all. After that, to each their own."

I stared at him and waited until he got a mischievous gleam in his eyes, nodding his understanding, "And listen, if you're going to runaway again, set a fake trail and for goodness sakes boy! Leave the damn state!"

"I'm glad my dad hired you—" He commented, his voice wavering on admiration.

I untied him and held my hand up, holding any hugs or any other weird emotion at bay from him, "Don't. Hug me."

He smiled and nodded, "So what do you do for fun around here? If I have to wait to be brought back to my dad in shackles for you, I want to have fun for however long I have."

I snorted, walking into the now ugly living room with my one impulse buy; my huge flat screen television, handing over the remote to him. He was giving me a gift of grace on his part; the least I could do was let him flick through the channels.

It had been a few hours later when my doorbell rang and we both got up, hesitancy and tension eating away at our movements, I caught him opening his mouth to complain; something I noticed he liked to do and quickly slapped him on the back of his head, "A pin in your shoulder…that's all they could do to break you? I thought they'd do more to show you some dang manners." We both smiled impishly and I opened the door to his future and the prospect that by this time tomorrow, my bank account would have a very large sum in the bank. I wasn't worried about him; I had reluctantly given him my cell number telling him to phone when need be. Though it didn't count to phone me when to lodge a complaint, I had threatened to break his knees if he ever did that.

I had come to the conclusion that we were all capable of handling the buckling weight of the world on our shoulders and though I felt I was losing the fight, I knew it wasn't so much the loss that counted but the fact that I wasn't giving into anything easy that really mattered. If they wanted to play games, then I would too, but I refused to follow any predestined rules; I would make up my own as I fell. Maybe then they would get tired of me and leave me alone and maybe then I could actually get some peaceful sleep for once…wishful thinking, yes but a girl can dream, can't she?


	14. Starting with Us

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. _

_The beginning of this chapter will definitely jostle the T-rating boundaries. If there are any of you out there that might object to some heavy kissing and touching, please skip the italic part of this chapter. Thank you. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Starting with Us**

_My eyes fluttered open when I felt a hand caress the curve of my hip and I smiled into the pillow. It wasn't pitch black out yet though the sun was definitely going for its slumber, how else could I explain a vampire not roasting in my room? I felt lightheaded when I glanced over my shoulder again and my eyes sought out the smirking face of Eric as he lay behind me. I felt a spark of unease when his eyes glittered but the lust induced haze quickly made me forget about everything but him and I. _

_I didn't forget about how much I wanted this moment, how much I ached for him and he knew it also. He moved his hand around to slide his fingers over me and I opened my legs wider for him, pulling his head down to mine with the same hunger I felt rolling off of him. Our tongues met and I sighed, I couldn't think; heck if I even remembered to breathe. He was a total destruction of my senses and though I wanted this from him; I hated him for it. How could one man, be it a dead man; turn me into a puddle of unthinking, oversexed mush? _

_I gasped into his mouth and bit down his bottom lip loving his guttural, whiskey soaked, deep growl that came from my urgency. I was climbing to the top, he must have felt my frenzy because his fingers speared me and quickened the pace; yet every time I would be a few steps to ascension, to heaven; he would slow down. He was languish in torturing me with his skilled slow movements and while he continued his assault on my lower senses; he began nibbling, kissing and nipping my breasts quickly disengaging any critical thinking I was doing. _

_I felt my toes begin their curling and my breathing began to hitch even more against his administrations; I would normally fight to dominate the other person in bed and I desperately wanted to touch him. To feel his muscles beneath my hands, to feel his hardness in my grip and hear him moan because of me; to be affected because of me. I gripped the covers in my fists instead, moving restlessly against him, feeling the tendrils of my peak begin to take over just as I felt his tongue flick on my neck and him bit down. I felt white heat unleash through me and I screamed against him in pleasure so strong it was almost agonizingly painful in its beauty. _

I shuddered awake, my body convulsion in the midday heat. Sitting up, I shoved my sweat soaked hair from my face and noticed my hands were slightly shaking. My entire body was trembling slightly in the aftershocks of that damn dream and I suddenly couldn't breathe. It was all too much, my body was still aching; more painful that it ever was and I almost doubled over from the loss I suddenly felt. I had wanted it to be real and in the same sense, I still felt the pinpricks of danger too, it was a stark, bitter reminder that I shouldn't yearn for him so. I hated dreaming more than I hated nightmares.

I always woke from a nightmare with the realization that I could survive, that I was strong enough to fight and never to eat spicy foods before bedtime. But with dreaming, it was like the fates were mocking me, dangling something I knew I couldn't or shouldn't want in front of my greedy eyes but the wanting became longing and longing became yearning. My dreams would mock me with things that I wasn't meant to be and that I could never afford to have. And when I awoke? The stinging emptiness and realization that I could never be more than me; I would never change who I was or how I came to be but there were times when the responsibility of my circumstances were almost too heavy to shoulder.

I pushed myself out of bed and on shaky legs I walked outside, letting the summer heat beat away my dreaming woes. I had missed this; the wind wrapping its arms around me, the birds serenading the trees, the green of the grass making me feel more alive than any city skyscraper ever could. To my dismay I realized I was actually starting to like nature and good god that even involved bugs! Maybe that dream really did screw with me more than I had forebodingly thought.

I laid myself down on my porch swing and let the wind push the swing back and forth to rock me; with the sun's heat and the wind's rocking, I could almost have died from the comfort and hedonism of the moment. But rather, I closed my eyes, catching up on lost sleep and trying hard to forget what the dream had affectedly taken away from me and what it had replaced in its absence.

The next conscious thought that woke me was that I was parched, like I had spent the last forty days and nights in the Sahara with nothing but mocking palm trees and waterfalls screaming their exaggerated worth at me. I didn't even bother to open my eyes; I was still too tired to care. After all the lack of sleep and insomnia I had suffered, I would be surprised if I slept for the rest of my days; I couldn't fault that thought either. I gulped down the cold water and groaned against my closed eyelids and felt the spike of power to the damp humid air. I thought nothing of it; it didn't even register what it could potentially mean; how could I when I was giving myself over to the only need I could afford. Water and no Eric; I couldn't afford him even if my bank account was bursting.

I left my glass on the counter and went back outside rubbing away the remnants of sleep when I felt the stronger bite of power to the air. The only power that I didn't dislike, the only one that never hurt me but I relished; it was my haven, my cove and no matter how strong the power was, it never hurt me. Even when the weakest vampire with his weak, unsteady power, I still felt an unpleasant sting. But with this one, I felt myself tingle and warm up, even despite my reticence. I closed my house door behind me, even though I knew he couldn't come it. Mortals are a creature of habit; especially when they're in danger zones.

"I know you're silent because I'm here unexpectedly and not because you are displeased." Again with his silent warning.

"Eric, how lovely to see you this evening." How had I managed to remember that I was still wanted by the fangs even though I got want I had wanted? How could I let myself comfortably sleep outside even when the darkness came? Because deep down I knew Eric wouldn't hurt me, not when I was sleeping. And that thought scared me more, I was at my most vulnerable, did my body trust him more than I did? I suppressed the urge to wipe the starting of a headache away and let my gaze roam taking in the evening sights of my property.

I noticed when I felt his power earlier and now, when I was near him; that something shifted between us. I didn't feel the need to run in the other direction, as I previously had desired to and heck if that didn't scare me. I don't know when I had started to see him for…him; as Eric and not as a fang or a monster. We're all monsters under strenuous circumstances and I had killed and will continue to kill in the future, as he will too. We were no better, him and I; we were both pushed and refused to let people near us. Good god, was I connecting us together? Trying to amalgamate our different means?

"I never understood the novelty of this thing." Eric dryly commented hesitantly swinging the porch swing slowly. I sympathized with him, every time I sat down on that swing, I always felt like I would break it. How could something so fragile and welcoming be so sturdy and make me feel so forlorn? I knew how he felt, even if either of us wouldn't admit it.

Again, I was pushed to the realization that we had shifted. His voice wasn't as dry as I it normally were, he didn't sound like he was trying to command me against my will, though I knew with this new seductive, alluring side of Eric; he could make me do anything. I felt too startled to remain standing so I took a spot besides him, shoved harder against the other side and farther away from him. Trying my best for my intentions to remain hidden, I didn't was to hurt his feelings. I was now worried about his feelings! What was wrong with me?

I dared a side glance at him and felt flustered, not by his usual lust worthy features but he looked…troubled, grumpy even, as if he had noticed this sudden shift between and was not liking it either. Was it that he was different away from Fangtasia with nothing to prove and no need to sheriff any of his minions? What else could it be? If I was the reason then get me a cliff so I could push him off of it.

I saw a frown flash his features before he quickly blanked his face again and I sighed, despite my need to remain watchful and hesitant, I knew I was going to ruin the silence with my mouth. I understood the underline meaning, the warning well. He had meant the swing but also mortals, us humans. He was disgusted with me and the fact that he kept returning to me and I to him. We were tied to one and another, even if it killed us but we couldn't help ourselves. We were linked, somehow, irrevocably we were and irrevocably linked we would have to remain.

I wanted to sink my nails in his flesh and draw blood, make him feel a hint of pain for the drop in my stomach he had caused. This is why I hated caring, because it _hurt. _I couldn't help it I was mortal and nor would I. It was my last saving grace and though at times I pushed away my humanity, it was all I had left. So what he didn't like it, he could always find someone more willing; someone easier to handle and control.

"Don't get sentimental on me Eric, I don't understand it either nor do I wish to ever really understand it. I won't become a part of the vampire schedule." I commented irritated and vexed. He had become almost maudlin and I knew it would take an insult to snap him out of it; hopefully it didn't cost me my neck either.

He glanced at me for a full minute, eyes unwavering before he threw his head back and laughed. A full-bodied, deep, whiskey smooth sound, which had me clenching my thighs together to ease away the almost painful throbbing. "You could deny it for as long as you like, until your lungs burn from the lack of air, but don't try to lie to me."

I gulped at his deep command, all bets were off and though I knew it; I still couldn't help stealing side-glances whenever I thought he wasn't paying attention. How could I not after I had spent the better part of the day, licking and tasting him and he had done the same with me? Dream or not, I hadn't dreamt up his muscles, in fact the way his leather jacket hugged him; my hormones were raging, maybe he was trying to kill me. I wouldn't put it past him, but dang if I wouldn't die happy.

"I'm dying, Eric." I commented thinking it would ease his disgust and his sudden waspish mood and my hatred towards him peaked at the thought.

I dared another side glance and saw him frowning fiercely into the woods, hands clenching the now groaning wood under his hard hands, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it's the truth. Because, maybe you're really a bastard and it will ease your discomfort in feeling anything towards me. I'll be out of your hair in a few years, so just rest assured." I couldn't help the sneer, the snarky anger that maybe I was right in my onion. This would be my downfall, I knew it even before I could slam my mouth shut and bite my tongue.

"You feel it too." He quietly said, though I heard him and the deadly edge to it plainly.

"Feel what?"

"Don't play coy with me, Erin. It is far too late to try that game." Eric warned.

I swallowed and tightened my grip on the wood to keep from rubbing my arms, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you?" The concluding question hanging in the air.

"I don't care that I'm dying. It's part of what makes us human, what makes me mortal. I wouldn't change that." I swiftly changed the subject, trying to ignore the damage that his question and comment had done to my insides.

"I will not care for you." He quietly admitted. Whom was he trying to convince more?

I sighed and got up; suddenly tired even though I had slept for almost an entire day. I was tired of thinking and critically analyzing his every move; wondering if all his motives were part of little games or a bigger scheme. Or was it that we were both falling and we both didn't know it? Would we know when we would hit rock bottom? Though I preferred the fall rather than hitting the bottom, I still didn't relish the idea.

I was tired of lying and playing into political games; couldn't we just be honest with ourselves enough to know that we would be fine with a minimalist amount of the outside world and be content with silence? Bon Temps was supposed to be a getaway; a safe house, a way to make me feel normal and now, it didn't seem so safe. He had ruined all my chances of a normal life and I had let him; heck I had even helped him. Though I couldn't help but wonder, maybe normal wasn't right for me.

"Sometimes we tell ourselves things just to shy away from the reality of our truths. I won't care for you either." I said not bothering to glance behind my back at his stone stature. He had barely said anything all evening, just sitting there and sharing with me his uncertainty of him and I entwined.

I quietly but firmly shut the door behind me; a part of me didn't want to leave him. I wanted to fling the door open and wrap myself around him, putting all aspects of my happiness in his hands but it was too selfish and irresponsible. So I closed myself away, as I always did and thought better of my moment of weakness. Maybe tonight was different and things would go back to normal. It was a silly thought and I knew there would be no point in trying to hope for that.

We had changed, things had changed between us and we both knew it. The entire time I had knew him, I could have ran and left him reeling behind. I had a chance to save myself and keep me safe away from the monsters lurking in the dark. But little did I know that I was one of them and maybe, sadly I had wanted to belong to someone and someone to me.

I didn't know when we would see each other again and after this night, I definitely needed time to myself to regain some semblance of balance. I did know though that next time, we would try to go back to our petty cat and mouse paring; we needed that. We needed the fallacies to keep our attentions away from our losing game.


	15. In the Business of Coveting Dubiety

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_This chapter was supposed to be posted early yesterday but was experiencing a few difficulties. I apologize for the delay. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Fifteen**

**In the Business of Coveting Dubiety**

Despite all of the whirling emotions that were choking me after the confrontation with Eric, I had slept like a baby that night. Though the sleep didn't curb my surly mood I felt brewing and my body ached from lack of exercise; I still felt a little better knowing I had beaten my insomnia for one night at least. When I had told him I didn't want to be part of the vampire routine; even I knew I had been lying. Ever since coming to Bon Temps, my life has been up in arms. From working nights at Merlotte's to sleeping most of the day away in a state of awkward semi-unconsciousness, I had barely given myself enough time for me.

I desperately needed to go back to my exercise routine, to strengthen my lax muscles; I began noticing a dull ache that I felt forming in my head from the lack of exuberant practice I usually partook in with my abilities. It wasn't strenuous if I kept up my work ethic but it would definitely knock me down a few pegs if I didn't jump back in soon. I usually tried moving and lifting a vast variety of things with my mind, from heavy to light; it kept my mind sharp and was easier to focus my power that way rather than the way it used to be.

I had found out about my ability by a complete bedlam of an accident, I had almost killed my uncle, the very same one who had taught me the things I had needed to know for this life. He was the outcast in my family, a renegade whom destroyed all things my parents worked for. At least that's what they said after every visit from him; though the older I got, the more I saw. I always felt like he wasn't different; him and them. They simply had political agendas and enough allies to stand with them in their plight of misdirected self-righteousness. My uncle simply had himself.

He was my hero, he kept the streets clean and even if he never admitted the circumstances of what it took to do so, I knew his and mine were the same. My mother had called him a murderer hiding behind a Hollywood title; _bounty hunter, _she had always said with an edge of disgust and my father had agreed wholeheartedly. Even my siblings were wary of him, but I wasn't. Maybe I was different, maybe all the monstrous things my parents saw everyday had somehow been ingrained into my DNA helix.

I was close with my many siblings but there was a growing tide between us and the years had changed that to an ocean. I don't really remember the circumstances as of to how I came to do what I do today; I just remember the feelings. The feeling of terror when someone had assaulted my sister and the guilt and hopelessness because I felt like there was nothing I could do to save her from that fate.

While she was in the hospital, I had left. Threw my few things in a suitcase and went to my uncle's. My family had tried to decree me back but my will was stronger. I finally stood up for myself; I finally told my mother the things I had been too cowardly to say. I told her my uncle was a better man, he saw the results faster than anytime she had spent in the U.N meetings or father judging and putting away criminals. I told them that I would get swifter justice for my sister, they would be too caught up in the semantics of the legal system…and I was young, impatient in my rage. I actually had believed I would feel better; I would feel like justice had won over. In hindsight, I had been terribly wrong but it had shaped me and even if given the chance, I wouldn't change it.

That night, I had received a phone call from my sister, telling me that our parents were begging me not to do anything in haste; to return to my old empty life of expensive taste and private schools. I had refused to be moved and I felt a jagged pulse of hurt running through me, how could the one sibling I had ever truly treasured, betray me so?

It wasn't until I heard a door slam on her end of the call that I realized my parents had told her to say those things, not her. After they had left, she had told me in halting whispers that were fighting the tears at bay; that she wanted the same things I did; vengeance, justice, anything to make him pay; make him feel the pain he had caused, she said. And I agreed. I sold my soul that moment, knowing I would only go down after that large leap.

That night, I had silently went to my uncle's study and told him in unwavering courage that I needed his help in finding the bastard. He refused and we bickered, yelled and shouted until both of our throats were hoarse. My parents had always told me I was too much like him for my own good and I realized at that moment of angry choppy breathing and heaving shoulders, that it probably wasn't a good thing.

I was only one of the few strays that ever had the nerve to stand up to my uncle, that and I was very stupid, not learning when to be cautious and tread carefully. His eyes shaded to an angry hue and he ordered me to get out; when I had refused he had thrown a glass at my head. And something in me, some monster that had spent years curled around itself had snapped.

I had watched him fly across the room and other things began moving and gyrating, like they had a soul and life of their own. Even though he was in pain, he had placidly instructed me to calm myself down so we could talk like adults.

The lessons began the next morning. As did the training which I didn't mind as much as I had with my telekinesis. Nosebleeds, migraines, open frustrations and arguments were the norm for the lessons. It wasn't only after I had slowly gotten comfortable with my new abilities and surroundings that I had asked him why he suddenly, so willingly decided to train and mold me.

He confided that my father had been the same but when the nosebleeds and migraines were too much of a bother, he had given up, excusing himself to a life of plainly normal docility. I knew I couldn't go down that road; it terrified me with its dormancy and domestication. I wanted to fight for what was mine and feel the satisfaction that I alone survived and stood strong where others faltered.

I groaned again the memories, why had they decided now to rear its ugly head? I showered quick and briskly, wanting to catch a film on television. It intrigued me, a film about loving someone that had the ability to constantly lose hope and push people away. I didn't love Eric…yet and it was that yet that scared me the most. I desperately didn't want to think about him and anything to distract me from reality was a good enough excuse.

It wasn't until the credits to the end of the film began rolling that I started to rebel against the lethargy brought by the complacency of watching a two-hour film. The man had ran after the woman; how quaint and drab. I never thought Eric would chase after me, though in a way he had; the only way he ever would, when he was intrigued; he was relentless.

But last night? I hadn't even thought of turning around, draping myself across his lap and I bet he hadn't thought about kicking my door down either. Last night had been the first; probably for both of us, being a fragile and a treasured moment of our realizations that we were more that we had thought. I don't think either of us had even wanted the company after our talk, we were too new and raw; too fresh with all of the whirling emotions to even want to touch one and another.

It would have been wrong if I invited him in last night, we had to have time to ourselves and work through our own insecurities before we could jumpstart anything remotely resembling an affair. And that was if he even wanted to! There had just been too much at stake last night and this morning hadn't changed any of it.

Could we ever learn to trust each other? We were too strong, too determined in our own lives where we had learned to trust only ourselves to get us through the fog and mist to ever yield to each other. It wasn't so much as the yielding that bothered me; though it still did, it was the taking of the first step and knowing all he had to do was reject me that had me cringing backwards. I knew it took a stronger person to ever confess things and though we were strong, we would never use our weakness to become our strengths. Our game we had set against each other had backfired and we were now reeling. Caring made us weak and vulnerable, ourselves becoming the strongest enemy. I just hoped we would learn to survive it.


	16. Shake the Glitter from Our Eyes

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. _

_Hey, to those of you that have reviewed and haven't received a reply (I always reply to those whom review, it's the least I can do, plus I love talking about the characters with all of you guys that dare ask me a question :) ) _

_There've been a few issues with the site that are now fixed and a few issues in my personal life but that aside: I just wanted to say THANK-YOU and hopefully things (and I) will bounce back. Thanks again! _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Shake the Glitter from Our Eyes**

I stared up at the doorbell and gulped down more nerves. What had I gotten myself into? Sookie and her grandmother simply invited me to brunch, I hesitantly accepted with vague feelings of morose and unease. Maybe I could go back? Maybe I could stop in the city on my way back, buy raw chicken and eat it. Then I wouldn't have to feign food poisoning, and they would leave me alone…but for how long? How long until they guessed at what I was and my intentions of trying to live quietly here in Bon Temps?

I took a step away from the door, with my foot poised to run and my hands ready ditch the basket of muffins I made for this get together. And then the door opened with Sookie smiling sweetly and innocently up at me, not being able to read the cowardly thoughts whirling in my head. But she read my closed off face; somehow she had understood what was tattooed on my face.

"Come on, Silly. We don't bite." She smiled sweetly, pulling me into one of her sunshine hugs.

I couldn't help myself and chuckled, "Isn't that an image I would love to have forever."

Sookie released me and clucked her tongue at me in her mothering way; her annoying, sweetly innocent gesture that made me want to throw the basket at her head and make a run for it. But it was too late; I was already in their territory. "Oh, how I missed that…character of yours."

"Is this the same character that you _loved_ with my house before you…re-decorated?" I asked with my usual dryness that always reared its beautiful head when I lost my personal space. Must she stand so close? Though I did notice many people in Bon Temps not understanding personal space and boundaries…maybe it was a small town thing and hopefully that trait would continue to elude me.

"Guilty, but c'mon, you love your house now!" She smiled again and began walking to what probably was the kitchen pulling me behind as I reveled in all of the delicious smells wafting around me. I could say all types of negative things about Bon Temps and the people in it but I would never dare to say anything against the southern food. That stuff was like crack, after eating an entire basket that Sookie had once brought me in one sitting, I knew her grandmother's food would probably be the end of me.

"Love being a subjective term." I mumbled under my breath taking in the sights of the kitchen and the people at the table; my eyes catching sight on a young man at the table staring with unbidden want towards the basket of biscuits. I vaguely recalled seeing his face but I didn't know from where or when I had last seen him but I didn't expect to see him here of all places.

He must have felt me staring since he glanced up at me and shoved himself away from the table, extending his hand, "Hey. Jason Stackhouse."

"Erin." We shook hands and for a brief, fleeting second I appreciated the fact that he was wearing a wife beater. Sue me, but that man had muscles and this early in the morning, with the company I was about to share brunch with? I was lucky to sit across from him, just for the appreciation of a muscled man.

I tried recalling where else I had seen Jason and I drew a blank, he must not have been that important if my mind didn't even file him away for future references. "Um, thank you for inviting me Mrs.…."

"Oh, call me Gran." She smiled and enveloped me in a hug squeezing out any other doubt that I might have held onto; yes, it would be uncomfortable and unnerving when she interrogated me but even I couldn't help but feel warmth from her hug. I just hoped that I wouldn't succumb to her unwavering keen eyes and tricky questions.

Halfway through brunch, hands clenching and unclenching my napkin; delicately eating, I finally placed Jason's face. It had been bothering me and between trying to tie down where I had last seen him and dodging Gran's questions, I was feeling exhausted. It slowly dawned on me that I had seen Jason at Merlotte's a few times and each time he had left with a new girl; even Dawn had caved, which didn't surprise me the least.

I knew he was interested in me, with the little side glances he kept shooting my way, I'd have to be dumb and blind not to notice his lack of subtlety but obviously the disinterested stares I shot him were falling short. He had nothing on Eric; where Eric had cunning wit, brains, muscles, all Jason had were muscles…that and a chauvinist attitude. But what could I expect from a small town? At least Eric wasn't a chauvinist; yes he was traditional in some of his beliefs but never a sexist pig.

I began sweating discreetly when the questions became harder to answer, a part of me deeply respected Gran and her unwavering loyalty to those whom she cared about and the other part of me was scared shitless. I was so happy when someone knocked on the door; I shoved myself away from the table and began excusing my full appetite and myself. I think the only reason Gran and Sookie let me go was because of the knocking and after what seemed like a few minutes Jason had finally left to go answer the door. I offered to do the dishes knowing no Southern Belle would ever let a guest do such work and I was right.

I suppressed a victorious smile and discretely grabbed my coat, slithering away from the kitchen, biting back an annoyed growl when I realized my only exit was being blocked by Jason talking quietly to someone. I straightened my shoulders; so what if a clueless narcissistic chauvinist couldn't take a hint? I could take care of my own, I was the same person to take down a fang; I was the same one who had stood up to Eric and smart mouthed Pam. Jason had nothing on either of those two.

I cleared my throat refusing to duck under his arm, hoping he'd get the hint to move, "Hey, you're leaving already?" He asked in his lazy drawl.

Eric never had that lazy drawl and I was thankful for it. I would never get tired of Eric's accent, when he was mad; his words got more pronounced like he was forcing himself to hide his accent. I shook my head to clear my exasperating thoughts and tapped Jason's arm that was blocking me from leaving, "Your arm?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." He apologized insincerely.

I rolled my eyes and shoved past him, the only reason I hadn't hurt him was because of Sookie and Gran; hell if I wasn't pissed because of my sudden loyalty to the two Southern Belles. I found myself facing a baby-faced man, eyes gentle and a shy smile. My intense dislike for Jason bloomed into sudden liking for this new fellow.

"I'm Hoyt." He ducked his head and smiled.

I stuck my hand out and threw in a smile for good measure, "Hi Hoyt. Erin."

"Oh, you're the new cook at Merlotte's?" He asked, no malice or scandal prevalent in his voice. No wonder I had took a sudden liking to him; he reminded me of my little brother. So young and naïve; I only hoped Bon Temps wouldn't spit him out like the others…. Or turn him into someone like Jason.

"Yeah, she works there with Sookie." Jason explained moving closer to my unprotected back.

I scrunched my shoulders, the dangerous thing about Jason was that he was easily forgotten and always the last to join the conversation. "Yeah, anyway…it was nice meeting you two." I threw in a false smile and jogged the rest of the way to my car, refusing to relax only when I saw the house growing smaller in my review mirror.

I had enjoyed brunch and I had really liked Gran but I was still feeling antsy, going through all the answers in my head…what if I had said something that I wasn't supposed to? My life had taken a sudden nosedive and there were still things that I had to take care of before I could take solace under a rock.

I knew the time would come when I would have to go see Sam and ask for my job back, I had been dragging my feet the entire time and it wasn't like I needed the job. Hell, I had enough money to last me five lifetimes but I had to keep up the pretences. Plus, it took my mind away from a dangerous somebody and what I wanted to do with his body.

The entire drive to Merlotte's was filled with me mumbling excuses, trying to be contrite and apologize but I knew it wasn't me and honestly; it could never be me. I would be as honest as I could to Sam; he was one of the very few that I was starting to trust here in Bon Temps and I didn't like that thought but I'd have to accept it anyway.

I shoved open the door, ignoring the blank and questioning stares from Arlene and the other waitresses preparing to open for the night. I ignored them, shoved my head high and waltzed by, ignoring the speculative looks and the whistles from Lafayette in the kitchen. I felt the quiet intensity from Terry and my eyes caught his as I walked by the open doorway to Sam's office. I never knew until now how long the walk really was and how quiet a handful of people could be when they were busy making up stories to fit my sudden re-appearance.

I knocked once on the door, not bothering to wait for him to beckon me; I walked in and locked the door behind me. I didn't plan to seduce Sam nor did I wish for any persons feeling like they were entitled to have a go in our conversation to walk in.

"Well, what the shit Erin." Sam cursed shoving himself away from his desk and paperwork to walk around his paper and bill-laden table to lean against it, crossing his arms and frowning at me.

I shrugged not knowing if what he had said deserved an answer or was his way of welcoming me back. "Um…"

"Aren't you going to say anything?" He snapped, unfolding his arms to run a rough hand through his salt and peppered blond hair…he _did_ have great hair and I was really trying to focus on anything but the conversation at hand. Procrastinator, I was not.

When I didn't answer, something angry unfurled in him and he stalked towards me, "See, _normal _people phone if they're delayed, _normal_ people are considerate enough to call, even if it was their boss or not. This may surprise you but some people actually care about you and were getting worried. At least _normal _people would give a shit."

When he poked me with his finger, I snapped. He could lecture all he wanted but I did not liked being poked, unless it was Eric…god, what was wrong with me?!

"Don't talk to me about normal Sam!" I shoved his shoulder, enjoyment sliding through me when shock replaced the anger written on his face, "I'm sick and tired of trying to be normal in this stupid town! And you should be too Sam!"

He backed away from me, his thighs hitting his desk, "What are you talking about?"

I was tired, I was so tired of trying to be normal, of faking something that wasn't me. I could never be normal and _want_ to fit in. How could Sookie want something that was so…plain and sad?

"Don't play coy with me. I know you're not 'normal' and I'm starting to really wonder what you are." I finished quietly. I wanted to know that I wasn't the only one that didn't fit in, but hell if I was going to leave. I would make a spot for myself in this town and screw the locals if they didn't accept me.

He stared at me for a few quiet minutes; curiosity, shock, anger and a few other emotions running rabid on his face, "What are you?"

I shook my head and stepped an inch closer, ignoring the fact that our knees were touching. I didn't mind the buzzing from our powers when they touched, his was kind and gentle. It was a nice change from the erratic, erotic throbbing I would feel when I was around Eric.

"I'm human." I stared into his eyes, urging him to tell me.

He swallowed audibly and tried pushing me away, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't. But I know what you're hiding, I might not know exactly what you are but you shouldn't be afraid of…your ability." I tried for eloquence and boy did it sound awkward when coming from me.

"Don't do this, Erin." Sam warned finally bouncing back from his sudden shock.

"Do what? You need someone to talk to Sam, there's a lot on your shoulders and you're not Atlas. If you need someone to talk to…you know where to find me." I sighed, I tried; I just hoped he didn't fumble under the weight. I knew what it once felt like to know that I could do things and feel things other people couldn't. I knew the weight my powers brought me and I knew I would have gone crazy if my uncle hadn't saved me.

I unlocked the door and was halfway through the threshold when he called me back, I pushed too hard; I couldn't help it, I just really liked him and expected things that I don't think he could give. He didn't look me in the eyes and I sighed, turning my attention straight ahead, giving him an out for his pride.

"What?" I asked quietly, knowing Sam would bounce back. If Sam and I had one personality trait in common, it was our resilience.

"Your working tomorrow night."

I sighed and quietly but firmly shut the door behind me, knowing that if I smiled, he would probably throw something at me. I had forgotten the reason why I had went to Sam, I just snapped when I saw him sitting at his desk rubbing his head in misery.

I heard loud drunken laughter coming from the kitchen and frowned, had they hired a woman? And why was she drunk? I shook my head at my curiosity but still detoured to the kitchen, trying desperately to ignore Terry and his questioning stare.

I saw Tara slouched over the table laughing with Lafayette and I frowned; one, it wasn't exactly safe for Tara to be drunk in a kitchen two, it wasn't exactly sanitary for her to be drunk in a kitchen and three, why wasn't anyone else bothered that Tara was _drunk in the kitchen_? Did she do this on a regular basis?

"Lafayette, may I inquire as to why Tara is inebriated and in a kitchen when you two should be working?" I asked quietly, taking a few steps more into the kitchen.

"Well, look who waltzed her snooty white ass in." Lafayette commented throwing a smirk over his shoulder to me but not bothering to turn away from the flat top. I rolled my eyes and stared harder at a now mumbling Tara.

"Does she do this often?" I asked Terry who swallowed audibly when I turned my gaze onto his.

He shook his head but turned his back on me to man the stove, "No."

I threw my hands in the air, I leave for a few days and _everyone's_ mad at me! Like they even cared, I bet they were just pissed they had to work with no days off. I grabbed Tara and gagged when I smelled the air around her. Who knew beer, cocktails, hard liquor and smoke could smell that horrible? I didn't know Tara well, but I had immediately liked her and her blunt honesty.

"Fine, I'll take you home since everyone has a stick up their ass!" I said loudly bordering on a shout but I couldn't help it. They could be jerks to me, but Tara really needed to pass out and hopefully when she awoke, it would be close to a toilet. I hoisted her to me and took much of her fast becoming dead weight, both of us stumbling and laughing out of the bar. At least then I could become the latest novelty for the town gossip and I could save her another day's ostracism. Plus, Tara was amusing when she was drunk.

I roughly shoved her in the passenger seat, hoping the entire time that she wouldn't be sick all over my leather upholstery. I sat back in my seat and sighed, what had I been thinking letting the town's drunk under my wing? Why had I felt a sudden twinge of loyalty entwined with protectiveness over someone I had only met once? Was it because she stood up for me the first time we had ever met or was it because I was taking what Sam had said too closely to heart?

I didn't know how long we drove for, but I surely must have been certifiably insane when I started to follow her directions. We drove for a little longer and I felt my patience wearing thin; her laughter wasn't contagious, if only it had been…I wouldn't have minded laughing manically to get my pensive mind off everyone turning rabid in my life. When had they started caring and dear god; why? Things were getting too complicated and though I wanted to make a place for myself here, I didn't know how I felt about all these weird emotions I was feeling.

"Here, I live here…I think." Tara pointed before breaking into a fit of giggles. I slammed my foot on the brakes and parked my car, not caring if it was in the middle of the night and I was parked in the middle of the road. I didn't bother letting my car idle, I might not like bugs and mud but I liked the earth well enough to know idling was bad…plus, a drunk Tara could probably take hours to drag her slow ass to her so called house.

I huffed lowly when I lifted her out of the car, half dragging, and half carrying her to the house. I didn't know what to expect, would it be locked, would they call the Sheriff? I sighed when I found it unlocked and as quietly as I could, I pulled her inside the darkened foyer. She was now a total dead weight, having passed out somewhere along the way, but I didn't mind, I scoped as best as I could for what I prayed to be the bathroom. I knew a bed would have been more comfortable but waking next to a toilet would be more practical. And I was nothing, if not practical.

I slowly walked towards the front door, smirking to myself. I was so happy I no longer drank, who would want to wake up next to a toilet? The last time I had ever drank had been my first, I had woken up with my head in the toilet and my uncle laughing above me…I passed out a few minutes after that too.

I closed the door behind me and bit back a gasp when I saw Eric lounging on the porch railing, staring intently at me. "What a surpise." I snapped despite my sudden elation at seeing him. I knew that one night had been our little secret, we had let our emotions run rampant but a new day had brought new doubts and new shields to hide behind just like old times.

He smirked, "I know how you feel about them." He quietly decreed and I locked my sudden rubbery knees.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, staring at one and another but I didn't mind. Yes, my breathing became choppy and my hearbeat became erratic. He always affected me so, and I doubt I would ever get tired of staring at him. I heard an abrupt crash from inside the house and without thinking I grabbed Eric's arm and pulled him along with me, away from the house. The poor neighbhors; god forbid they would wake up and see two black clad people whispering outside Tara's house.

I pulled him along to my car, not once thinking how easy he was making it for me to drag him, or how wonderful his arm felt under my hand or how his smell and closeness was affecting my hormones and ability to think straight.

I was breathing heavily, bordering on panting when I realized I was still holding onto his arm, like a starved woman. I was so pathetic! I glanced up at him and my breath caught in my throat. His silver eyes were so intense someone could drown in them.

I didn't feel him sliding his hand through mine, I was too intensly aware of how much I wanted to kiss him in that moment, feel him wrap his arms around me and pull me near him. He must have known my lust wired thoughts; he smirked and his hand tightened around mine.

I glanced down at our clasped hand, reveling in how good it felt and heck; we were only holding hands! "Eric—"

His hand tightened and he tugged, reeling me closer to him. I didn't mind, I didn't even mind when his other hand came around to cup the back of my head, making sure I couldn't look away. How could I when I was too busy feasting my eyes on him? "I don't think—"

"Humans are never good at thinking." He quietly condemned and any other time I would have slammed back with something witty, any other time I wouldn't be dying to feel his lips slide over mine.

I shook my head, reading his blantant thoughts when his eyes kept roaming hungrily back down to my lips. I licked them despite myself and once again shook my head. "No, I don't want this."

"I said before, never to lie to me." He ordered in his usual deep, smooth whisky voice. How I could almost explode by just his voice alone; was beyond me. I shook my head when I realized his intent and opened my mouth to oppose when he bent his and captured my lips.


	17. Falling Forward

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Falling Forward **

I groaned into his mouth, involuntarily pushing my hips into his, my hands still fisted in his shirt when I had tried to push him away. There were no thought patterns, no shadow of a doubt whirling around in my head, over analyzing any of it; it was simply Eric and I.

He pushed the palm of his hand into my lower back, pushing us closer together. I could never get enough, just when I thought I had a taste of him; he melded into something else, forevermore being enigmatic. My toes curled and my breathing became labored, his kisses were demanding, passionate, spicy and addictive. I couldn't help it, I probably could spend years kissing him and I doubted I would ever get enough.

Heat seared through me when his hand tightened in my hair, pain fringing the kiss and I couldn't help it, I was drowning and throbbing, pushing my thighs together trying to alleviate the empty, painful throbbing. I quivered, I ached, and I was beyond feverish, all because of him. I knew he was in no better state; his kisses had become almost commanding, wherever few seconds I moaned and sighed in his mouth, he growled in mine. It was invigorating and erotic knowing someone as lowly as I, could affect someone as powerful as he.

He reached between us with his hand that left a burning imprint on my back to wedge it between us and pry my fists from his shirt. I wanted to climb in him, devour him whole, I couldn't seem to find my fill of him and the hunger I spent years trying to hide, a deep dark beast curling around itself inside me finally abated.

Our powers flared between us, only igniting ourselves and our passion along with it. I didn't remember being pushed indecently into him, or my hands worming their way under his shirt to try to memorize the patterns of his muscles under my fingertips. Nor did I really remember his stray hand finding its way under my shirt to stroke my heated skin. All I knew was that I had to get more, like a greedy calf suckling milk from its mother.

I felt something sharp as I slide my tongue along his and my gut immediately tightened, somehow I began to pulsate more erratically and I let out a frustrated groan only for it to be captured by his hungry mouth. I felt him stiffen beneath my fingers and against my body, wondering had happened when I tasted the sweet, metallic coppery tang; filtering from his mouth to mine.

If I had known the consequences of swallowing his blood, of enjoying his blood slide over my tongue down my throat, I would have pulled back. But I didn't. I couldn't, he was already so alluring, how could I pull back when he cut his tongue on his fang?

I sucked his tongue, smirking when he let out a growl and pulled my head closer to his. Our kissing became almost feverish, chaotic and wanton. I don't think either of us wanted to admit how much we affected each other but our yearning had proven us fools, but the lesson was too good to ever pass up.

I felt something sear through my blood, a lightening bolt speeding up my heart and shooting its way to heat my stomach and settle between my legs. I wanted to shove his hand to cup me there and feel how much he affected me, to let him take me. I couldn't have cared less, I wanted him to sink into me and push my limits; at least then…maybe then I could get enough of him.

I felt a sharp pain realizing my tongue must of nicked his fangs but I quickly forgot about it when Eric nursed me as I had done to him when his tongue had bled. He became almost fevered, frenzied now with my blood in his mouth; nipping, sucking, tugging at my mouth. I requited and pushed harder against his hips, letting him take over with the natural rhythm, every now and then pushing himself against me. The throbbing became an ache, the fever became a rapture and I gasped when he pulled away.

"What are you?" His voice sounded like he had swallowed gravel, his luxurious smooth sarcastic tone lost to our pyrexia. He stared at me with unreadable dark eyes that held dark promises of nights he would warm my bed, of him pushing me to new zeniths.

"What?" I cleared my throat and repeated myself, wanting to be embarrassed at my hoarse graveled voice. Had I heard him right? I was in ecstasy and he wanted to talk about me?

"What are you?" He repeated, the gravel and hunger leaving his voice. All again he became the Eric that infuriated and pushed me, the one with his cunning wit and malice humor, manipulative wants and needs. Yet, I still couldn't deny him, I couldn't deny myself the temptations. I never knew kissing the devil could be so sinfully good.

"What kind of question is that?" I asked incredulously, somewhere along the way I had forgotten myself and actually let him subjugate me. My lust fevered eyes dimmed, was the passion I felt in the kiss just one sided? I pushed away from him; feeling cold and desolated, my throbbing almost mocking me in its attempt to show me how much I still wanted Eric, all bets aside. But I couldn't give myself to him, not yet; I still didn't trust him wholeheartedly and I knew the moment I would, it would be a moment too late.

He refused to be rebuffed and took a step closer to me, "You taste different. Your blood…" I frowned and he reached over and rubbed away the lines with his fingertip, his words had brought me harshly back to reality but his body, oh his body made me ache. "I knew you were different—"

I interrupted him, normally I would never push him more than one shove a night, but I figured kissing him passionately at least gave me some credibility. "Oh, thanks! What a way to say that I'm a freak!" I snapped, biting my tongue from forming curse words.

In lightning quick speed he grabbed my wrist and hauled me up to him, "That's not what I meant, you humans always trying to hide behind petty lies. It won't work anymore." His rich whiskey voice whispered.

I swallowed and tried pushing away from him, knowing it was futile, but I had my pride…whatever pieces were left for me to pick up. "I don't know what you're talking about." I snapped trying to wrench my wrist from his unyielding grasp.

"Don't you? You taste different, there's something different in your blood. " His eyes threatened me with the things I had spent years running from. Intimacy, demand and the promise of me giving him the truth. I knew this day I would not yield to him but there would be a time and I knew he had time to wait, it was the one thing he had on is side. But damn it, I was already a nervous wreck thinking about what I would have to give up just to have another taste of him.

He must have known what I was thinking because he smiled, the same arrogant, sarcastic smile that always made me want to throw something at him or throw myself at him. "Isn't this where humans would have a Sally Field moment? _You like me, you really like me!_" He mocked and I couldn't help it, I laughed. There was something about a tall, muscled, dry witty man quoting Sally that would get anyone anytime.

I frowned when a sudden realization dawned its ugly head, "Are you saying you knew I was different this entire time and it _didn't_ play a part in your decision to stalk me?"

He shrugged and in that moment I was glad I didn't have any sharp objects, "Does it really matter now?"

I threw a hand in the air, biting back a string of volatile curses, "Of course it does! I think I imagined everything! There's no us, there was never us was there? There was simply a means to an end for you, am I right? Just another faceless pawn in your game?" I shouted and withdrew myself from him and the worst thing was, he let me. He let me go. I hadn't expected a fight but after everything that I felt, after letting him devour me, this was it?

I felt a crushing pain inside, my stomach fell and all my insides had become hollow, "Fine, I think I'm starting to see how it is." I walked around the car, leaving him on the other side, getting ready to speed away and forget this whole night. What a nightmare.

I didn't look at him, I couldn't. Every time I did, I felt more crushing pain, it also didn't help that he looked angry, confused and slightly threatening all at once. I pitied him, even after he eviscerated me and left me achingly hollow, I pitied the bastard. "I thought you were different Eric, I really did. I thought maybe a vampire wouldn't be such a fool. But I guess men are still men, dead or alive."

"You might have written me off Erin. But I'm not done." He quietly confessed. Darkness whispering in his vow.

I shook my head, maybe I had written everything off too fast; ready to jump to the conclusion that I should never trust or actually mean anything to anyone. I didn't know anymore, one minute I thought we were connecting and then I started to doubt that we ever were. There was something in his eyes; a secret knowledge that I knew would come back to haunt me, and it unnerved me. But what unnerved me more was that he was still standing in the middle of the road staring at me when I sped away.


	18. The Head of Medusa

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. _

_**AN**__: This is a __**very**__ short chapter; one of the smallest I have ever written but I wanted a smooth thought and emotional transition to the next chapter. Thank you and your patience will be rewarded. Thanks. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Eighteen**

**The Head of Medusa**

I itched. I ached. I didn't sleep at all that night, I just laid in bed; sweating, lusting, enraging but too wrapped in myself to do anything but frown at the ceiling in my room. Half the night, I spent with my heart racing, thoughts whirling because of one stupid earth shattering kiss…or kisses. And the other time, I just laid there, my mind empty, just focusing and un-focusing on the blank canvas.

I couldn't curse him any longer, even though I tried, the curses sounded flat and foreign to me. I just couldn't and I knew I failed myself again because of it. I was also there, my tongue had been dancing with his, our breathes had somehow been one and disgusted as I was with the sappiness of what we shared, of what I felt; it still somehow felt…right. And damn if that didn't scare me.

I didn't know what he was planning nor did I ever really know what his intentions were. I had thought that maybe, _just maybe_, he'd been after _me_. Not for the elusive parts of me that was my hindrance and my curse. I didn't want to be exploited because of it and it hurt to think that maybe that had been his intention all along.

I had known the minute I had laid eyes on him; that he knew. He somehow knew I was different, with my abilities and my dominant stares. I just never thought I'd be a fool enough to let him woo me. And what had he gained? What was the purpose of him kissing me if this had all been a game? Had he been careless enough to cut his tongue? I knew I had been; I had been too wrapped up in the cocooning effect of lust that I had bled. It didn't matter, I know it should have, it was careless and dangerous but still…_it felt right._ It felt somehow gratifying to know that I could keep a little part of him with me; in me. Though it was a fleeting part, it was the only thing I could afford.

I didn't know anymore. And I didn't like feeling this new emotion of entanglement. I had spent my entire life by my own means; I decided my future; not the fates holding my thread of life, but me. It was by my own will that got me here and I was damn proud.

But at this point, I knew I could very well have done without this need, these insecurities. I usually trusted my actions knowing later on I'd find a reason behind my insanity. But this? I couldn't find any reasons beyond my insanity. Even when I had pulled a trigger, stood over a body with lighter fluid or acid, even when I staked a fang; I have never once doubted my motives or myself. But somehow a simple yet enigmatic kiss had thrown me for a loop; made me start to restructure the way I thought. And damn if I didn't like that one bit. Hunting made me feel like I was living and when I wasn't hunting, I drifted.

But with Eric…I was alive. I felt things; I knew I wasn't whole, nor did I expect to dump all of my happiness on him. It was irresponsible and immature; I had to look within myself for answers and for my own happiness. And I had.

I had been content with the way my life had been going up until I came to Bon Temps, them the itching began; I started realizing what a freak us humans were and how much lies my life was made up of. But it was with Eric that I finally felt the hunger pains, the dormant beast stretching its limbs in me and not only was I scared of what that entailed but I was scared that the hunger would never go satiated and I'd go mad from it.

I stared at the clock and forced my wide eyes to blink a few times, trying to fix the damage I had caused by staring unblinkingly at the ceiling for an extended period of time. I had spent a better part of the night and now late morning in bed, just existing.

And it was that thought that scared me and I couldn't help but shiver, despite the Louisiana heat. I always knew getting caught up with someone as powerful as he could ultimately do such vast damage. They would devour us whole and then pluck us back out, letting us fall back to reality on our own.

Even though I had only kissed Eric, our minds had somehow connected; we had forged despite our growing reluctance. And now, I left him and it would have to be me and me alone that would have to lower myself back down to reality. The falling was the easiest; it was hitting the bottom that was the hardest.

Already I had lowered myself to the expectations that I was only _existing_, and I didn't like that thought. Screw Eric, I would go back to the way I had been before we screwed up. The last thing I wanted to be was despondent and dependent on someone else for the sake of myself.


	19. Lifting the Veil

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Lifting the Veil **

I sighed staring at the door of Merlotte's, normally I usually liked to be early; I hated being late, it made me feel sluggish and my entire night would be ruined. But this time…I only had two minutes before my shift started and at this point, I was already in such a bleak, dark mood; I could have cared less if I was late or not. But Sam had gone out on a limb for me and though I pushed and subverted him, I couldn't let him down. So instead of pouting outside by my car, I growled and walked determinedly to the hell house.

I barely glanced around acknowledging the servers, feeling a twinge of disappointment and relief that Arlene wasn't shifted for tonight. I liked Arlene and out of the entire servers whom worked at Merlotte's, her and Sookie were fine by me. But tonight Dawn was working and someone else, someone whom I didn't recognize but by a quick glance in the corner finding her and Dawn giggling amongst themselves, I knew it really didn't matter if I knew her name or not.

I didn't know what to expect tonight, whom be working with me in the kitchen. At this point, did it really matter? I was here to keep up a farce, making money that I didn't even need so I could continue to live in a somewhat baleful life. I was feeling bitter towards the decisions I had made and I wasn't only speaking about my house and time in Bon Temps. I'm not sure if finding the Mayor's kid had been worth the effort but then I thought about the look of obsolete emptiness in his eyes and I couldn't help but feel absolution.

I glanced into the kitchen before heading to my lockers and felt a mixed bag of feelings. So tonight, I would not be working with Terry. I was glad; I didn't need any more stress or unwanted feelings to feel. Nor did I really want to work with Lafayette but him I could handle and dish my own. I was in a different league with Terry.

"Well, look what white trash just walked in." Lafayette mused over his prepping of vegetables.

I faked a smile, "Well, its nice to see you too."

"You know," Lafayette, commented, jutting out an overly exaggerated hip, "I would call you Ice Queen but knowing you, bitch would probably like that shit."

I bared my teeth in a silent snarl, feeling a headache coming on, "Well now, I sure missed that sweet sunshine disposition of yours." I snapped, turning around to begin the prepping.

The orders came steadily through the evening. I didn't mind; sweating in the kitchen had always been cathartic and thankfully that never changed. Bumping elbows with Lafayette was another thing entirely. I had never touched him up until that point but working in a small kitchen along side him had surely fixed that oversight. And I wasn't happy about that.

I felt his power that…wasn't his. There were no other ways to describe the odd sensation, it was as if he somehow had drawn other people's own powers from them and held onto them. But they weren't his, they weren't strong and they wavered, distancing themselves away from him, fading fast. I knew surely that they weren't his own, he was as normal as any other person but how the hell had he managed to take someone power for a time? By osmosis or by another form entirely?

Maybe there was something wrong with me…or more wrong than normally. Last night, I had felt a rush and it didn't have anything to do with kissing Eric, though it played a part. It was a power rush, my own abilities were on fire and I felt more sensitive than normally. I tried tracing my entire movements from yesterday and the only thing that kept popping up was Eric…and sucking his blood down like an earnest calf.

Even the thought of swallowing his blood made me feel uneasy but it was the thought of what the blood held that unnerved me more. Maybe I did something stupid, in an instinctual need I couldn't deny my hunger frenzy and if I knew Eric at all; in his cunning manipulative sexy ways, I wouldn't put it past him that maybe, just maybe it was his plan all along. I didn't know the effects of vampire blood, or if there were such a thing but I had an abysmal feeling about all of this and on my way to the kitchen, I had passed by Dawn and her posse. I heard something between their conspiring whispers and shallow giggles that made me even more paranoid. _V_.

I couldn't hold back my curiosity any longer and I knew if I questioned outright, I would draw unwanted, unkempt attention to me. Lafayette was keen, keener than other people gave him credit for but I knew. I saw the way his eagle eyes took in every detail and though he was a wonderful actor, playing a part in his own tragedy, I didn't want to reveal myself to someone I could never trust.

There was a lull in the orders and before Lafayette could sneak outside to take a drag at his cancer stick, I jumped at the chance; trying desperately to sound nonchalant. "Hey, Lafayette. Can I ask you a question?"

He glanced up at me, shocked that I finally broke my vow of silence, "Yeah, what sweetheart?"

I tried calming myself, playing down my nerves, "You ever hear of something called _V_?" I swallowed. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe _V_ was a candy or something innocuous and my sudden hyperawareness had nothing to do with sucking Eric's blood drenched tongue and more to do with me lusting over him.

Lafayette left his spot by the kitchen door whipping around to face me, grabbing onto my arms, tightening his hold. I knew he wouldn't attack me and I also knew something he didn't; I held a small knife behind my back that I had grabbed when he reared towards me. "Bitch, what the fuck did you just say?"

I disengaged myself from Lafayette, making sure he saw the knife before I placed it back on the table, "Don't. Touch me."

Lafayette snorted, and flung his braid over his shoulder. He was the only person I knew to fling hair over their shoulder; hell, Dawn didn't even do that. But somehow on Lafayette…it just worked. "Bitch please. You better watch what you say around here…these white folks ain't forgiving about shit like that."

I sighed, growing tired of his façade. What if…I was tied to Eric? I knew I was already called to him, that I lusted, dreamt and salivated over him but what if I was irrevocably tied, what if…no. I had to find out before I made any more dangerous assumptions.

I grabbed Lafayette's upper arm, making sure to squeeze a warning when he made a move to dash and pulled him outside with me. Screw the orders; this situation was getting out of hand and every wasted second, my rage was in danger of boiling over.

He shoved me back and for a second I contemplated throwing him against the wall but thought better of it. It always took sugar to lure the bees in rather than vinegar. "Look, Lafayette. I'm asking this as your friend, what the hell is _V_?"

He sighed, "And I'm telling you this as my friend, leave the shit alone."

I threw my hands in the air, "I don't want any of it. I just want to know what it is."

He suddenly got the hint that I was only after information and tried downplaying his involvement and knowledge, "Look it up."

When he made a move to leave, I grabbed his arm. Why couldn't people in small towns be as direct as they were in the cities? "I'm asking you."

He shoved me against the wall, fire dancing around in his eyes, "It's a drug." I opened my mouth to interrupt but he cut me off, "From vampires."

I swallowed…should I be unnerved or grossed out? "And? What does it feel like? Is it addictive?" I swallowed more questions when Lafayette threw me a speculating look.

"Bitch, that shit is so addicting, once you've had _V_ there's no going back." He mused.

I couldn't hold anything back any longer. It was do or die and I really wanted to throttle the answers from him. "My friend…Annie—"

Lafayette chuckled and took a spot to lean against the wall beside me, not looking at me but staring out into the forest surrounding Merlotte's. Contemplating deep things. "She hot?"

"Of course." I quipped back. I was already going down, why not go faster?

"Carry on."

I swallowed down amusement and continued, "She drank vampire blood, only a little though but it was…from the source."

I felt Lafayette's penetrating stare but I refused to be dazed, "I'd tell _Annie, _to watch herself, girl. _V _is dangerous but_ V_ from the source? That's playing with fire, sweetheart."

"Why?" My favorite word.

He snorted bemusedly, "Why? Bitch, haven't you been listening to the words coming out of my mouth? It's addictive and straight from the source, that shit is even stronger and—" He suddenly cut himself off and I turned to him, weary of what he would say. "I've heard that if you drink from the source…" He snorted at himself.

I waited for him to continue but he didn't. "Lafayette, I'm not judging you here. Just tell me."

"They say that once you do, the vampire you drank from will be tied to you." He snapped, annoyed by my meddling.

I burst out into nervous laughter; he had to be joking right? This had to be some lame urban legend. It had to be. "Even if it was only a drop?" He nodded and I fell back against the wall, numbly aware of feeling a sympathetic pat on my shoulders, "So, the vampire that Annie…drank from. What exactly does 'tied' mean?"

I hated what I had suddenly become, earnest for answers and relying on others to get them. I hated Eric for making me weak but I hated myself more for allowing the dissolution of myself.

"Bitch…" Lafayette sighed, "It means that he knows where you are, what you're feeling, he's tuned into you." He spelled it out. It didn't help, I had hit rock bottom and him breaking it down for me in monosyllables only exacerbated the hollowness. "If I were you, I'd tell _Annie_ to end that shit."

I nodded dumbly, "It's ended, sealed and done." I was numb, confused, hurt, angry, desperate and trying to get over it. I watched him nod and quietly leave me to my own thoughts. I inhaled the cold night air and dimly wondered how far I'd get to stake Eric before he'd rip my throat out.


	20. What Vacuous Fools We Are

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_Reason for my lack of updates? My new puppy is wreaking havoc on me…(send help)_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty**

**What Vacuous Fools We Are**

"Well, that's a pretty face, how about we turn that frown upside down." Drawled a sarcastic voice from across the parking lot. Couldn't I get one quiet second before the world crashed around me?

I liked Pam but I didn't like that she was connected to Eric and I really did not like the thought that maybe Eric sent her to me to smooth things out. If he wanted peace, he should be prepared for war.

I frowned even harder and moved away from the wall, closer to the forest where she was nestled. Just what I needed, one of Eric's _thing; _was she going to beckon me to him or just be my friend? And what was she to Eric? I gnawed down the jealousy, refusing to give him any more satisfaction than I bet he was smothering in and anger shimmered off of me. How dare he think he can send her to try and soothe me; try to fix our mistakes when I knew very well I would prefer we let things rot.

She smirked, "That never did work for me either."

"What do you want?" Screw eloquence, at this point, I was feeling anything but civility.

One thin eyebrow shot up and amusement gleamed in her eyes, "Well, your just a ray of sunshine, aren't you?"

I bared my teeth in a silent snarl and stalked towards her, normally I wouldn't mind going a round or two with Pam; I preferred doing so rather than doing what I was doing at this instant. Wanting to have a throw down. And though Pam wanted to befriend me, I knew she wouldn't hesitate to rip me limb from limb.

"Why did he send you Pam?" I asked, voice low with menace. Was it too late to run for cover?

She chuckled in a sarcastic, forced chortled way, "You think he sent me?"

It was a loaded question, one that had me wanting to take a step back, especially when she let her forced glee mask fall away and showed me the real monster lurking beneath. "Why else would you have come?"

She barely lifted a shoulder and to her, it was as big as a shrug as she would relent, "To see how you were…_faring_."

I smirked despite my anger, I could say all horrible things about fangs but the one thing I always did like about them was their speech; they way they presented themselves in conversations and no matter how timeless they tried to appear, it was always their chosen words that dated them. Though I would never tell Pam that.

Something caught my attention, something that I would have normally ignored but this time, with the overturned circumstances, my mind stuck to it like glue. "What do you mean? I'm fine…is Eric not?" Even though I wanted to stake him, my stomach dropped to my feet and all I heard for a second was my heart pounding in my ears. I inhaled and calmly pushed the worried thoughts away…I was so screwed.

She smirked smartly, clueing into my thoughts and I kept unclenching and clenching my fists to keep from shaking her. When had I become so transparent? "He's…fine."

I took another involuntary step closer to her, "Fine? What do you mean…'fine'?"

"Ah, so the goldfish has feelings for the shark."

I snorted, shoving the truth into the tiny crevasses of my mind, "Whatever. I've got to get back to work."

"I would think he's covering for you…especially after what you…learned." Her comment stopped me, or was it the cold calculating tone I heard also?

I had almost turned my back on her to go back inside, it was dangerous but I wanted to appear distant and rude. Anything but caring, I was tired of caring. I shuttled my emotions away from my face, "So you heard."

"And I'm surprised you didn't know. You must _have_ known." She stepped closer to me, mocking and sneering.

I shrugged. I honestly hadn't known and quite frankly, up until this point, I hadn't ever cared. I hadn't even blinked when the fangs came out a few years back; it only meant more hunts for me. I hadn't bothered to give them more thought than any other monsters that were probably lingering in the dark. I only had wanted to know how to kill them, up until Eric when he had changed the rules.

"Well I didn't." I retorted.

She shrugged, "And now you're tied to him. Now you'll dream about him until even your waking moments suffer because he's not there."

I blinked away the panic; I could deal. I've dealt with worse things before. Maybe the more I could lie to myself, and then I'd start believing. Denial always was a very powerful tool.

"And him?"

I had to know. Was he suffering? It'd serve him right but somehow the thought of him in pain caused me more than it would have him. No matter how many times I told myself that it'd please me to stake him, or to see him in pain; I had been lying. I couldn't hurt him anymore than I could hurt myself.

Pam looked thoughtful, almost considerate in her caring of Eric, "He's withdrawn from Fangtasia. He acts almost…human, he's feeling things."

I burst out laughing despite myself, even when I realized how painful and foreign it must be for Eric, I couldn't help it. "Welcome to our world. That's what makes us…_us_."

"Feelings?" She almost spat out the world, though it would have been below her.

I nodded, "Maybe."

"Well we aren't." She snapped and for a second more I glimpsed things in her eyes I never wanted to see again, "He's the Sheriff, his enemies will take this as his weakness and strike."

I almost asked why she cared so much, but I couldn't. She was going on a limb for me, something I doubted she'd ever done before and I was honest with myself enough to realize that I didn't want Eric's fall to be because of me. "What do you want me to do?" I almost didn't want to know.

"Fix things. Go see him and get him out of this…rut." She drawled, slowly going back to her sarcastic dry self.

She almost made it sound like being human was a flaw; little did she know that though we were ruthless, conniving and cold-hearted mammals, we still had our humanity. And though it was wavering, it was our only saving grace. It was all we had left.

I didn't bother saying anything more to her; I watched her walk away in this season's must have high heels and turned back to Merlotte's. It was time I got back to work and back to my silly game of lies.


	21. Convoluted Subjugation

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**Falling Softer in Our Convoluted Subjugation **

I had to tell myself that I was simply going there to see his misery. To see him wallow in the hallow things we tied ourselves to. I didn't tell myself that I had to see him, that my blood had felt cold without feeling his presence brush mine, to feel his mouth hover above mine and wonder if I would feel passion or tenderness. I had to see the truth to our actions; I didn't want to be blind any longer. I just hoped the truth wouldn't scare me any more than I already was.

So I left with no logical preeminent reason as to why I was speeding to Fangtasia; speeding to what awaited me. I knew from the first time I laid shuttered eyes on Eric, that I was in trouble. Not the summer crush, _I have to have you now_ trouble that alleviates itself halfway through winter but bone aching, skin heating, heart beating, thigh shaking, pulsating, trouble.

Enough to know that he was seriously dangerous to my health, in fact, the closer I got to him, the more a foreboding knowledge settled in my heart. I knew our stories were tied, that the Fates were cruel in their humor and my time was already ticketed. It was only when they would cut my thread with rusty scissors that I was unsure about but I knew whom played a part and I quietly, morbidly wondered if he would miss me.

Maybe we were like Beauty and the Beast, though I would never tell him that I thought him Beauty also. In fact, we were more like Human and Inhuman; as Monster was such a loose category and knowing what I have done and the means I went to, surely would categorize me in that league also. I've never fought harder with any other man than I have with Eric, I've never yielded to any other man, never wanting to compromise but for some reason…with Eric, I wanted it all. I was tired of playing games; this night I would fix things. For better or for worse.

I shoved the gears to park and slammed my car door. He was going to hear it from me and when he was done; then I would take what I wanted. Screw him if he thought he could keep leading me on, I was tired, I wanted to know what I meant to him. Maybe I already knew, maybe I just needed it spelt out for my analytical mind. At this point; between being worried about him and wanting to take him down, I was getting overly exhausted and I still didn't know what I really wanted.

By the time I neared the line into Fangtasia, I was panting from my mind's excursion. I didn't bother waiting in line, the bouncers knew me well enough to wave me forward.

"Hey Phil." I nodded towards the blond bouncer.

"Hi Erin. Go on ahead." He smiled before returning his stoic mask on and facing the rowdy crowd once again.

I shoved my way through the door and growled when I realized I'd have to do more than shove to where I knew Eric was. What bothered me more? The fact that I willingly came to Fangtasia with no underlining reason or the fact that I immediately knew where he would be.

Was that the blood tie? In a room filled with supernatural power, the room buzzing and bustling, I only focused on the throbbing pulse that I knew was Eric's. I found myself standing in front of a wooden door, similar to the one where we usually met, unsure if I should go on ahead.

Maybe this was a mistake but maybe if I didn't go to him then things would be lost. We all would be lost and I was starting to think that losing ourselves was worse than when we were together. Eric would lose more than himself and though I was no martyr or white knight, deep down I knew I couldn't do that to him. No matter how much I wanted to hate him for it.

I grasped the doorknob in my sweating palm, counting to ten before I hesitantly opened the door. Unsure of what would stand before me and my breath caught in my throat when I saw the truth, the realization that maybe, just maybe he felt something for me too.

There was only a small amount of light filtering through behind me; otherwise the room would be basted in darkness. He sat, elbows resting on thighs, head bowed lowly on a small leather couch and even from the doorway, I could feel something akin to sympathy for him. Which was funny, since when did I have sympathy for the devil?

"You know, it sure as hell doesn't improve a mood if you sit wallowing in the dark." I mused trying to find a light switch and failing miserably. I closed the door with my foot and blindly reached for anything that resembled a lamp. It took a second longer than I would have liked but finally I found it and clicked it on, flooring the room with a dim glow, hushing the darkness to a minimum.

"Leave me." He growled darkly.

I smirked despite the whirlwind I was feeling, "Can't do that. Even if I wanted to and trust me, I tried."

He grunted but didn't move an inch, he was worse than I thought. I wondered how long he had been like this and if I made it out alive, I would find Pam and shake some sense into her. I sighed and perched myself on the armrest opposite him on the couch not knowing what to say, if I should say anything at all. Maybe he just needed comfort but seeing him this low didn't even remotely fix my mood either.

"Why? How can you go on when you feel like this?" He asked suddenly, sounding disgusted when he motioned to himself. A hint of accent whispered into his words and I knew immediately that he was even more upset than he let on.

I laughed. A true honest belly laugh, one that I hadn't partook in a while; I had no intentions of laughing at him but I couldn't help myself. I would never want to be a vampire, to live forever until I would start to forget about human things and would wonder what it would be like to have any semblance of humanity in me. A horridly long, mundane life was something I didn't want.

I shook myself from my sudden turn of thoughts and felt his eyes boring into me and turned my head to find him intensely staring at me. And I blushed. I couldn't help myself nor could I contain my nerves. Eric always flustered me but to find his icy blue eyes boring holes into me with an unreadable expression marking his face, made me feel a wee bit disconcerted, to say the least.

"What? Is there something—?" I asked self-consciously when he kept staring at me.

He cocked his head lightly, as if he couldn't make out the sudden horns I must have grown popping out of my head, "You laughed."

When he didn't continue, I shrugged nonchalantly, unsure of what his meaning was; I was in new territory, heck, we both were and it was awkward as hell. "Yes, am I not supposed to laugh?"

He was about to shake his head when he must have made up his mind on a something and he reached over, grasped my wrist tightly and pulled me to him. I didn't bother gasping, I was starting to get used to being around vampires and _t_heir_ "too fast for the human eye"_ ways. Did I just say I was starting to get used to them?

I breathed in his scent; loving the feel of his hand cuffing my wrist as his other hand pulled me even closer to him. When his thighs were against mine, I finally let lust slither its way into my belly, curling between my thighs. I wasn't here for seduction, far from it. I was trying to do something altruistic, to help Eric from…well, from being human and I wanted answers.

But even against my will, I still wanted him, I wanted to feel him atop me, feel his tongue lick a path to my navel and lower. It was no wonder I hated him, because at this point, I realized I was feeling something akin to the L-word and it sure as hell wasn't lust.


	22. Just Call Me Pollyanna

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**Just Call Me Pollyanna **

There must have been something showing on my face, something that leaked through my farced composure; something I didn't want him to see. How affected I was because of him, because the truth I had ran away from all these nights.

The infamous L-word. Who'd have ever thought that someone like me could ever fall for someone like him? We were polar opposites yet we were the exact same. It finally came to me, staring at his sunshine blond hair, muscles peeking through his black t-shirt, thigh rubbing against mine; that he wasn't the bad guy. The entire time I had been trying to make him into this tyrannical violent villain, when in reality, he was more like a Byronic hero; the anti-hero.

He was manipulative, deceitful, prone to acts of extreme violence, yet still; I knew him. I felt him; I knew his power and I knew it wasn't who he really was under all the layers. Sure, he was the Sheriff, one of the more dominant vampires in Louisiana and being the Sheriff meant killing or be killed. Did that make him a bad guy? No, then I would be one too. And gods forbid, I'm not.

What I liked about Eric and though at first I hated him for it, was the fact that he wore his means plainly on his sleeve. He didn't try to hide the fact that he could kill whomever he wanted, he didn't hide the manipulation, the deceit; he accepted it. But I couldn't help but keep thinking, it wasn't him. Deep down, somewhere in the crevasses of his mind, it must of at least irked him that people constantly kept seeing him as this shallow creature of darkness. His good deeds were there, he was a tarnished white knight even though it was hidden under layers of violence.

I was pulled away from my thoughts by a butterfly caress on my cheek and I blinked welcoming another throbbing ache of lust. I stared back at Eric, whom weirdly had something flickering in his eyes, something resembling concern. For me?

"You've gone quiet." Eric observed. How could I not? I just realized that I've fallen for someone that I shouldn't have. And I realized the entire time I've been making him a villain, he's been on the same path as I have. Dang it.

I shrugged, how could I tell him that…no; it was too much, too soon. "Do you think—" I cleared my throat, I had come here for answers and I even though I was afraid of what I would hear, and I still wanted them. "Do you think if you knew the consequences to that kiss…would you have ever…?"

He saved me from my lack of elegant grace with an eyebrow raise. I waited a few thundering heart beating seconds later, when he finally ended my torture. "I never meant for it to happen."

How like him to answer something enigmatically. I wanted to shake him and kiss him at the same time. I shook my head slightly, trying to clear it from the hazy lust that always took over my brain whenever I was around him and forged on. "That's not what I meant."

He glanced at me for a second before turning his attention back to his hands, a glare forming on his brows, "There is no exception to ignorance. No matter your human years or your so called humanity, we are all not above ignorance." He commented, anger heating his words.

My face heated from the scorn in his tone; I knew we were all to blame in all aspects of our lives. It's by our hand and our choice. But if I would have known that one bloodied kiss, could tie us together, forever…would I have still went ahead with it? I shook my head, "And now you feel things that give you a sliver of humanity."

He pulled an inch away from me and I felt it more than I would have liked to acknowledge. "Don't say things you don't understand." He warned.

I stared at him, feeling hollow and lonely even though he was sharing the couch with me. I needed him, more than I needed to breathe but I wanted him to at least give an inch and admit that he was on the same ride as I. That we were both going down and it wasn't only me feeling this horrible.

"Are you feeling things because I am? Am I 'imprinting' you?" I asked…suddenly asking the insecurities aloud didn't only seem foolish but sounded quite idiotic.

He looked away from me and his shoulders trembled; I laid a hand on his shoulders in comfort. Until I realized he was chuckling at me! I withdrew my hand as if burned and before I could clench it on my lap, he seized it. Curling his larger, colder hand in mine; I sighed when I felt the slight caress of his thumb rubbing circles in my palm.

I closed my eyes and let the passion, the lust cocoon and nestle me. I breathed in his scent and let it overtake me, it had been so long since I've seen him. Though a day or two at most; it felt like years and for now, my body and senses were rejoicing. Though the inevitable moment I would leave him, I knew my body would screech in protest. But for now, just him and I.

I opened my eyes and caught him staring at me, his icy blue darkening with lust and for a few moments, we simply sat in silence, enjoying the tendrils of our passion snaking and slithering around us. I realized then that even though my insecurities screamed fallacy and I tried writing what we were feeling to a one sided obsession on my part. I knew I was wrong. Staring back at him made me realize that though he wasn't overtly ubiquitous with what he was feeling; I did know that he was feeling _something. _And that _something_ was the same as I was feeling. Relief coursed through me; it felt good to know that I wasn't the only one who cared. At least I wasn't the only one in hell.

"It was never supposed to happen." He quietly confessed. I knew he hadn't meant us; he had meant the blood sharing, but I still felt the slight sting of hurt curdle the lust in my stomach.

It was my turn to pull away and I realized by the sounds outside the door that the club was emptying. Had I stayed that long? With him it felt like only minuet seconds but I realized those seconds had elongated into hours. I cleared my throat from the frog idling in it, "I think I should go…"

"You're running, yet again." He quipped back.

I turned away from the door, slamming it shut. This wasn't running, this was retreating! Even though he was right, I just wanted to leave with whatever pride I had left. "I've always left, but you never came after me. You've always let me go."

"Is that what you want?" He asked sounding like any ordinary man trying to understand the mind of any other woman. Any other time, I would have laughed.

I opened the door again in defeat, maybe after a few hours of sleep, I could snap back again. I confessed to the open door, refusing to look back, "No matter what has happened, how often I fought against the stronghold of whatever called me to you, I don't regret it. I'm sorry, I wish I could and though I know my life is irrevocably changed because of that one kiss, I wouldn't have taken it back. I just…maybe another time we could have made it work."

I sighed and closed the door quietly behind me, I wasn't giving up; we both knew this was just cutting our loses, retreating until we could ram heads another night. Maybe then we could accomplish something other than hurting each other. I quietly weaved my way through the few patrons still littering the club and focused on the lock with my mind; unlocking my car doors. Even weary and tired, I was proud to say my powers never lessened visibly.

I made it to my car door when I felt the air around me gain weight; grow in density, the cold night whooshing around me and I knew. I let myself be shoved against the door, smirking when I felt the cold sting of the review mirror in my back but I didn't mind. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smirked up at him, "My white knight."

He chuckled at that, almost snorted at my attempt to call him anything resembling a good guy, "I'm not letting you go this time."


	23. Pragmatic Neuroticism

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**Pragmatic Neuroticism **

Life was never simple. Nor, do I suspect, was it ever supposed to be. What I went through, what I did to get to this point in my life, made me what I am today. Monster, harlot, savior, lover, human; it didn't matter.

We all went through things that we're ashamed of, did things that we'd never tell a soul, hell, I have enough things to take to my grave that I doubt I'd have enough room in the earth for me. But we're all the same; sure the circumstances will always be skewed, but our names, our lives, our history will always remain a constant.

I wasn't the only one to have a boyfriend; maybe I was the only one to have one that was dead but in the grand scheme of things; did small things like semantics matter?

_Hell. Yes. They. Did. _

I thought falling in lo…—likeness with him was hard enough. Heck, how many nights did I stay awake, tossing and turning, stomach in knots? I still can't even admit that I love the guy without having a slight panic attack, let alone think about other things to come in the _relationship. _

And what kind of word is that anyway? I'm not a commitment-phobe but I sure as hell am not happy to be porting around a dangerous word like _relationship, _without having a few neurotic issues. And I'm already pretty neurotic. But I still refuse to call him my boyfriend; that seems too immature for what I feel for him. Nor do I wish to call him my lover; we haven't even gotten to that base and…really. Lover? How weird would that be? I know Eric is old but…I'm still pretty sure he'd either laugh and taunt me for the rest of my years or he'd do something that I'm not ready for.

Either way, our first date would be tonight. Yes, we went 'out' before but this would be it; this would be the beginning for us. This probably would be the longest relationship I've ever endured and that's saying quite a bit. I prefer to keep my distance and hold the control reigns but this time would be a whole other matter. He's just as dominate as I would like to appear and though I know where I stand, I'm sure we'll be fighting for the figurative remote.

What would we even do tonight? All he told me was to trust him and be ready at dusk. Trusting him was already hard enough, how could I trust someone who looked at me with a mischievous glint in his dazzling eyes? And how can I trust myself not to jump him for the entire evening to come?

Dating was something I did rarely of; it brought forward questions that I hated to think about. What would I wear? What would we talk about? What would we be doing? For how long? How far would we take it? For such a control freak, these questions were crushingly daunting.

Never before did I really mind that he was a vampire, sure; I envied his eternal grace, his acute hearing, his beauty but I never wanted such a life for myself. I liked being human, with my constant lack of grace, flawed beauty and selective hearing. But with him being a vampire, I knew he would want to do things to me…or with me, that I didn't want. I didn't want him to drink my blood and I didn't want him to bite me. It seemed like such an insignificant little detail but to me, it meant the world. I didn't care if Eric went out and got his fill somewhere else, but I did mind relinquishing that one thing that I knew was mine.

It was my blood, my life and I don't think I could really trust anyone but me with whatever life I had left. Could I really trust him with taking just enough or would he go on a frenzy like some fangs that I had the displeasure of hunting? It was something that I knew we would have to discuss, a vampire's fangs always popped out whenever aroused and I knew from our past kisses that it would be happening more frequently and more feverishly.

I glanced in the mirror and grimaced; who knew having only three hours of sleep could easily be configured on a face? But as of late, three hours was a dream. Not only did I suffer from insomnia but also on top of that, I'd been working almost every night and spending whatever hours I had left at the club with Eric.

But tonight would be different, neither of us was slated to be working and I told Sam not to phone me unless Lafayette had gone AWOL and Terry had somehow met his match with a possessed zombie vampire. To say I was getting a phone call tonight would be a joke.

I heard a distant knock on my door and dropped my lipstick, cursing when the tip painted a Pollock inspired design in my sink. So much for trying to cut down on the messes and housework. I cursed and grunted the entire way to the door, nerves shocking me, sweat pooling in my palms. It was insipidly amusing; we spent hours together and I still felt like this would be our first night together. Amusing yet completely humanly pathetic. And I knew he would know what I would be feeling because of those damned ties and he'd probably enjoy every aspect of it.

I stopped a foot away from the door and inhaled deeply, desperately wiping the sweat off on my jeans. I heard an exasperated sigh from the other side of the door and despite the jumbled nerves; I smiled widely grasping the doorknob in my hand and turning it open.


	24. Deracinate Me

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_Hello. A quick note: I've been re-reading through the chapters and something caught my eye. In Chapter fourteen, Erin alludes to her demise. And I got worried…I probably should have been much clearer than I thought I was being. What I had meant was that we are all dying and compared to immortals, we're becoming obsolete and only have a 'few years' left. The time those years entail is the thread but that being said; I had to clear that one thing up. Sorry for any confusion. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**Deracinate Me**

No matter how many hours, minutes, seconds or even days I knew him; he still affected me. I wish I could have written a sonnet or recited a soliloquy to bequeath his beauty for the times and fates themselves. But he rendered me completely and wholly speechless. Utterly. Speechless. And hell if I liked it. I would have fanned myself if I knew he wouldn't be amused by it but I couldn't. For the first time since I was a kid I felt like I was a doe caught in the headlights, feeling at any moment I would sprint away or worse yet, I felt cemented to the ground. Couldn't break, move, speak; let alone tear my eyes away from his silver blue intense ones.

I just stood there wearing an old dress; one that had gotten me through quite a few binds in my time. From dinner parties where I rubbed elbows with senators to my long lost friends' funerals, taking a senator's daughter to a birthday bash, I hesitantly liked it. It was safe, merely a human comfort and though I should have stepped past the boundaries and try to ensnare him more than he already was. I couldn't and quite frankly, when dinning with a vampire, us mortals needed all the comfort we could obtain.

I took my time taking him in, letting my eyes flicker and flirt, letting them linger in a few indecent places. I couldn't help it and I didn't really want to. I was glad he did nothing to quell his long hair; I loved it untamed for my fingers to make a niche of. Dressed head to toe in a black suit, even sporting a black tie; he knew he was sex incarnate but from the sudden spark in the air and the slow swirl of heated lust invading his eyes, I think he began to realize how delicious he really was. Did I just say delicious?

"I feel like I should charge you…" Eric pondered pulling me from my R-rated thoughts. It had just been getting good too.

"For what?" I asked suspiciously wondering in what blazing hell was he talking about.

"For stripping me." He shrugged nonchalantly.

I let his whiskey-laden voice wrap tenderly around me, "What the hell are you talking about?" I tried to sound indignant, I tried to sound like I had taken grave offense to that; but I couldn't. It was closer to the truth than I would have ever admitted to anyone, least of all to myself.

"We could stand here all night, though I don't mind with the way you were looking at me but our reservations still stands and I don't think Pam would be quite forgiving with all the…work she had to do to set them in place." He offered me his hand.

I stepped away from the door and locked it, letting myself linger a few seconds more with my face turned away from him. I tried composing myself, the few seconds filled with my frantic heartbreaking and crashing nerves. I felt mortification slither into me and I welcomed its cleaning taste. To actually think I would have invited Eric Northman into my house on good graces just so I could play tumbleweed with him. It was a dark moment in my life but heavenly indecent all the same.

An eternity later, I slid my hand through his and let him escort me to his car; having been too wrapped up in the feelings of him beside me, I had to do a double take when I caught sight of his car. When I felt him smirk, rather than saw; it was the whole blood-tie thing; I knew he had felt my shock and my damned awe.

Much to my chagrin, Eric opened the car door for me and watched me through darkened eyes as I slowly got into the car. It was nice, I had expected no less from him, after all being the Sheriff and one of the strongest vampires in Louisiana must have its benefits. And if by the feel of the black leather upholstery was a clue in itself, them damn if I didn't agree with the perks.

"I take it you approve." He dryly stated.

I tore my eyes away from the road and glanced at him quickly, when it came to him, there wasn't that much that I didn't approve of. But I would never tell him that, I didn't feel like spewing any cheese and Eric? The last time I had sarcastically called him 'my white knight' he had taken offense. I bet waking a bear from its winter slumber would have been more of a joyous reaction. He was adamant that I had meant slander and I was adamant that I was being dryly sarcastic. So now, another day forward I had learnt to try and cut back on my sarcasm. But living in Bon Temps and spending my extra hours around vampires? It was trying and hard. Damn. Hard.

0000000000000000

"And the lady would like to drink?" The Maitre D asked, French accent exuding raw arrogance and upper class crust.

I watched Eric lean back in his chair, cold dry amusement flickering in his eyes and I knew he had left me to defend myself. It was something he did often in the presence of others. When they did something that annoyed me, which was quite a lot, he would remain silent and appear passive. It was like live entertainment, he had once told me. If us mortals were good for one thing, food aside, it was for the stark entertainment alone. And if you ever saw a vampire laughing alongside a human? It wasn't because they had said something funny, no; it was because _they _were funny.

A brutally swift dark realization came to me as I let my eyes flicker once again taking in the debonair scenery; Eric, _Eric Northman,_ had done this for me. Well, Pam actually made the reservations but still…a girl had to take whatever she could get. I just had to make sure to _thank _Pam the next time I saw her.

I heard a polite cough from the Maitre d' and I glanced back up at him, cursing myself when I realized that I had once again, several time in fact over the last hour, had ridden a pony to daydream land.

"She'll have wine. Red." I flashed my teeth not even bothering to be polite. I disliked when people immediately asked the male rather than the woman and I hated when they referred to me like I was the elephant in the room.

I heard an iniquitous chuckle emanating from the man sitting across from me and I frowned harder at him. I was all bark and no bite, the harder I frowned; the more I wanted to smile. It was a bad survival skill but it had gotten me through the rut. A sudden image of Eric on top of me, biting and pushing, invading every pore of me made me tense and suddenly wish I could take a shower or two…. or maybe just spend the day soaking in an ice bath.

"You really shouldn't have done that." Eric mockingly chided raising a knowing eyebrow for the reason I was so flushed.

I quirked an eyebrow, "What? Order red wine?" I asked over the lust threatening to kill me. Why now?

He shook his head slightly and I watched enthralled wishing I could run my hands luxuriously through his hair…good gods! What was wrong with me? I was beginning to sound like a sex-crazed eighty year old.

Eric smirked smugly; knowing full well the extent of what I was feeling, "Bare your teeth at him. He might think us uncivilized, darling."

I blinked, "When you say darling…it sounds almost sarcastic." I just opened my arms to him knowing he could easily jab with an insult with such an open statement. I was getting rusty in my verbal sparring, I'd see to it that next time I'd go head to head with both Tara and Lafayette before seeing Eric again. "Never mind, I'd rather not know." I stated holding off any comments at bay with my slightly raised hand.

"Madam." The maitre d' said finally bringing me a glass of wine.

I nodded my thanks and swirled the wine mindlessly in the glass. He was going to wine and dine me and then…? Did he expect me to lovingly bare my neck? I'd sooner bare my neck to a savage wolf than to Eric. It was my last stance on my humanity. It was all I had left.

"You suddenly became more…quiet." He stated reaching over to pluck the glass from my hands. I watched through lust leaden eyes as he raised it slowly to his lips and took a long sip. I watched him swallow and I slammed my legs tighter together. I knew he could smell my arousal, I knew the moment his eyes darkened and he grabbed my wrist in vampire speed.

"You smell like honeysuckles and spiced honey." He quietly murmured.

I reached across the table, knowing full well that playing with fire could get one burned but with Eric? The sting would be so delicious. My index finger lightly rubbed the corner of his lips, where red wine had pooled and I let the droplet move onto the pad of my finger. I watched his eyes impossibly darken more and with an intensity that I didn't even know I had possessed; I lifted my finger to my mouth and sucked on it.

It was a heady moment, I was so aroused it was beginning to border on pain and I knew he was affected too when he swallowed despite his calm face. He pulled back and settled himself once again in his chair, shifting uncomfortably. That one shift made me realize despite his immortality, he still suffered certain human functions. Thank gods for human functions.

He posed himself and I watched through interested eyes then I heard it. The waiter must have decided it was time to start our courses. Through bland eyes I watched the waiter place a soup in front of me but I couldn't care less. He did that a lot, Eric. He posed and I know he never meant for it to be contentious, it was what all immortals did. The older they were, the more they posed. It was as if they forgot what it was like to be human and they had to remind themselves to try to appear as such. I didn't really want to see what Eric would look like away from all of his armour and shields. Pam was scary enough.

The moment the waiter left, he settled back down and caught me looking, "Should I start to guess why you're staring at me yet again?" He asked dryly.

I shrugged reaching over to grab my wine glass back and I lifted it to my mouth, making sure to place my mouth where his had been. After sipping indulgently on the tannic liquid, I glanced back up at him, "It's a human thing."

He sighed wistfully, "Ah, such as I feared."

I smirked to myself lifting the spoon, heavy with the soup to my mouth. And I groaned. I couldn't help myself. It had been high time that I had fine dining, I was actually starting to think the things _Merlotte's_ served up was food. I settled deeper into the seat and let myself enjoy the soup.

"Is it good?" He huskily asked from across the table.

I lifted a hand, barring him from further comments, "I need a minute alone. Excuse, private time." I closed my eyes and let myself savour the complexity of such a creamy delicious thing.

I finally opened my eyes and was met with lust-wrecked eyes belonging to Eric, "You make me wish I could actually taste the soup." He wistfully said to me.

I glanced at his mouth and raised an eyebrow, "Eric? Why are your fangs out?"

He shrugged, a shrug that meant he had no care in the world. "I couldn't control myself watching you…to think it's how you would look when you're under me." He sighed wistfully to himself.

I shuddered; his words alone could do things to me that not even lovers in the past could accomplish. I opened my legs resting them for a minute; about to cross them again. I couldn't take the pressure, I couldn't take the ache. We were playing a very dangerous game and this time, we'd both win and lose.

His nostrils flared and he scooted closer to the table and I raised a confused eyebrow, "Are you all right?"

"Leave them." He darkly commanded reaching under the table with both hands to halt my closing legs. Thankfully we were in the corner of the darkened restaurant, thankfully no one could see us. I tried killing the slight thrill I felt sliver through me at the thought that maybe someone _could_ see us.

He opened them wider, obscenely wider and squeezed my knees. He tightened his hold until the pain almost became unbearable and I welcomed it. The wash cleared some of the fog that had begun to settle on my mind.

Time fell from around us and for once, I knew exactly what the poets had written about. What sonnets were created for; it was this moment, this utterly still, perfectly beautiful moment where we both stared at each other, symbiotically living and happy to be—the perfect moment was ruined by my cell phone vibrating in my coin purse on the floor.

Eric glanced balefully at the offender in my hand and I shrugged up at him, "I'm sorry. I told them that _no one_ should phone me. Unless they were already dead." I quietly told him, not bothering to answer the phone until he gave me his consent. Here I was, independent and self-reliant to a fault, and I wanted to make sure Eric was okay with me answering my phone? Good gods, I've finally become something I never wanted to be.

My phone quieted down and I frowned harder at it, glancing at the caller ID. _Blocked._ Damn it. "Erin—"

I glanced up at him when the offender started to vibrate once again, "Go ahead." I nodded sympathetically and got up. I wobbled for a second on knees that suddenly turned against me and I straightened my back stepping outside. I knew for a fact that the women's washroom wouldn't be a safe choice. Outside would be the only way that I knew no one could over hear me.

I didn't know what to expect. It couldn't be Sam or Sookie, it couldn't be any one in Bon Temps. Then what the hell did my informants want? In a way though, a dark slimy way, I was relieved. I had almost let Eric touch me in a crowded restaurant just because I couldn't control myself. I almost laughed hysterically. A cold shower wouldn't do. I darkly began to wonder if I could camp out in Sam's walk-in cooler at Merlotte's.

I glanced at the caller ID again, _Blocked. _

"What?" I snapped into the phone, ignoring everything around me. I should have paid more attention, if only I would have paid more attention.

"Oh god, thank god you're there!" I heard a relieved voice enthuse. A voice I hadn't heard since I had started on my own.

"Amber?" I asked unsure if this was a trick.

"Yes, it's me! I've been trying to call you forever!" And just like that, Amber; my darling little sister, the one I was ever closest to, had somehow turned into our Mother. With her damning voice, trying to manipulate anything in her way.

"Why are you phoning?" I asked suddenly afraid. I should have never given her this number. I should have changed numbers and left her out of the updates. Damn it.

"Daniel is gone." She brokenly stammered.

I glowered at nothing in particular. There was a reason why I had left the family behind, I had thought Amber to be my confidante. I still loved her but I had always been adamant that I wouldn't help any of them. They were too busy indulging in their empty lives to ever be anything more.

"And?" I asked. Damn Daniel, he had always been reckless. Third youngest in the family, yet I never looked up to him. I should have, in any normal family dynamic, he was older than me; he should have protected me. Why was I suddenly swarmed with the unhappy feeling that I'd be his protector now?

"We've tried. I've tried every police agency; you name it. I've done it. But I'm starting to think, this is_ you're_ kind of thing." Amber hinted.

I scoffed, this was taking longer than I had expected. "Stop running around the bush, tell me everything." I ordered.

And I suddenly wished she didn't. I suddenly wished I could be curled up in Eric's arms than be here, listening to yet another sob story. I steeled myself away from the emotions, trying to tell myself this was just another case. But there was this foreboding to it now, a realization of what I could be losing if I did leave now.


	25. Abhorrent Veracity

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it. . _

_I know I've said this before and I'll probably have to keep repeating myself, but __**Thank-You!**__ When the site went through some malfunctions, I really started to question the whole process and it made me realize; I write for you. If no one reviewed, I wouldn't write. It's a simple equation but I wanted to make sure that you, the reader, knows that. So without anything further, here you go. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**Abhorrent Veracity **

I knew what I had to do.

I knew with every damning fibre in my body, what I had to do.

And I knew I didn't want to do it.

Even though I was starting to become more enamored with Eric, I had things to tie up. I had always promised myself, that no matter what I thought about the rest of my family, Amber was mine. I cared about her; I wanted to keep her in her safe haven away from reality.

She had sobbingly told me how Daniel was missing, and I say, good riddance. But I couldn't easily cut her off like that; I promised I'd look into it. I left a message to my contact and waited a few breaths longer. How could I go back in and tell Eric, what? What could I possibly say to him?

The choice was taken from me I heard someone clear their throat behind me, "I love the dark as the next vampire, but the Maitre D' would like to know if you would join me again." Eric said blithely.

I turned away from staring at nothing and turned to him, letting him see the anguish in my eyes, "Eric—"

He grabbed my shoulders and moved me closer to him, not yet touching but close enough that he could feel my heat and I could absorb his strength, "Tell me what's wrong." He ordered, all mocking aside.

I swallowed, this was going to hurt me more than him, "I need you to take me home."

He pulled back unsure if he had heard me correctly; after everything that we had been doing inside the restaurant, I'd be shocked if I were in his position. "You are going to tell me that you want to go home…after everything? Who phoned you?" He asked with a knowing look in his eyes.

I should have realized at that moment that Eric wasn't as pure as I had thought, that he wasn't always doing _good things _when there could always be more havoc in the world. But I didn't, I didn't think anything of it. "I'm going out of town for a while." I told him and I locked my jaw after that. It was all I could give him; after all that I felt for him, I could give him that. But no more, he was a vampire and if he knew the things I hid about myself, he'd find them and either kill them or control them.

He stared down hard at me for a full minute before nodding slightly. He gestured to someone and suddenly I was enveloped in my warm coat again. "Eric…"

"We'll talk in the car. Away from prying ears." He cut me off.

I stared up at him trying to decipher his emotions and I suddenly realized. No matter how long I would ever try to understand him; it would still be impossible. He let people know what he wanted and it was little at best.

I steeled my emotions away and straightened my back. I was a hunter for gods' sake! I wasn't some lowly innocent girl getting dumped by her jock boyfriend. I was better than any of that, I was better than this. When had I thought otherwise?

I rarely spoke the entire drive back into Bon Temps, I rarely even breathed when he turned and began driving up the graveled road to my place. We made our beds and we had to lie in them.

"I don't understand you."

If I weren't so keen on listening to our silence then I would have never heard him. I stared out my window and frowned, "Why?"

"If you were any other girl, I could have changed your mind. Instead of leaving, you would be in my bed. I would never have to fight with any other girl, they'd be at my feet begging." He commented more to himself than anything.

My heart dropped to my feet. I knew he said things like that not to hurt me, but rather to himself. To try and make himself understand. But I was tired. I had my own problems to worry about. "I'm human."

"No…you're not." He quietly retorted slowing his car down to a stop in front of my house.

I stopped breathing for a second; he hadn't meant my other ability. Only that he couldn't read my mind and couldn't urge away my free will. Thank gods. "Then find one. I'm sure _she'll_ be happier to let you wine and dine her so you can get a good suck from her." Yes, suck. I was eloquent if nothing else.

I ignored him. If we could somehow have a fight and end everything now, then I'd never have to worry about him. Maybe I'd move away. Texas was looking pretty good, though I doubt their small towns were as welcoming as Bon Temps. Did I just say welcoming?

I swung open my door not intending to say good-bye when I felt his arm snake around me and roughly pulled me to him. "Were you even going to say good-bye?" He asked in his whisky smooth dark voice. His accent was stronger and I felt a little reprieved, he was just very good at showing how upset he really was.

"I didn't think you'd care." I mockingly threw up at him, turning into him.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair, roughly pulling my hair back and against my struggles; he barred my throat. "Don't play that game with me, Erin."

I felt his nose kiss my neck and I shuddered, "I can smell your arousal mixing with your anger." He shoved his hips into mine and I gasped trying desperately not to like any of this.

When his tongue touched my neck where my vein was, my heartbeat made the artery throb more prominently and I almost popped. I let all my emotions out; from being angry to depressed because of my family, to hatred for still running to their beck and call. I let it all out, I knew it was petty, but I doubt I could leave him the way we were going. I knew my emotions swamped him the moment I felt him tense and he separated himself from me. Glowering down at me.

I would have been afraid, if I hadn't known him; I would have been petrified. But I wasn't anymore. I was just so forgone in my own world that I couldn't bother with anything. "Don't do this. I won't let you use me." I reached up before my courage could desert me. I planted my lips firmly on his and kissed him. It was the first time I've ever initiated such a kiss and damned if I didn't like it. I poured everything into that one kiss, everything I was feeling, not wanting to leave, the dread I knew would be my next best friend as I hunted Daniel down. But most of all, I kissed Eric because…well, I liked the guy.

I pulled away, careful not to look back. My stance was weakening and any weaker I'd be a puddle at his feet. I closed the door softly behind me; in a way, this wasn't goodbye. We were still tied, he'd still feel me and I'd still feel him.

The moment I heard his car slide down the road, away from my house; I sprung into action. I threw all of my clothes in my duffel bag and under five minutes flat, I was ready. I was always prepared, no matter my circumstances or if I were feeling weathered. It was my job and I was damn good at it.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Merlotte's; it was early yet and if I could somehow catch Sookie and Sam at the same time, it'd save me the hassle.

"Hello?" I heard a voice shout over the noise.

"Sookie?" I asked.

"Hold on." She grunted to herself and I heard a series of shouts and a door slamming shut.

I grabbed my duffels with my free hand and threw them on the graveled road next to my car. I still had so many things to do before I could find Daniel. "Sookie?" I asked loudly.

"Whoa, Erin! Could you shout any louder in my ear?" She reprimanded. "Aren't you supposed to be on your big date?" She asked and I suddenly remembered. Nothing came easy in Bon Temps.

I sighed, "Look, can I talk to Sam?" I'd deal with her after.

She gave a loud unimpressed snort on her end and I heard her murmur something. She must have been in Sam's office for it to be that quiet. "Hey, how's your date going?"

"I'm leaving." I told him shortly.

Something dropped on his end and I bit back a wince, "You what?"

"Something's up with…" I was tired of beating around the bush. And I trusted Sam more than I trusted anyone else in Bon Temps. Something to do with freaks uniting, not really sure. "My brother is missing and—"

"What?" He asked incredulously. And despite everything, the scene from Pulp Fiction flashed to my mind. Where Travolta and Jackson were talking to a guy tied down and he kept saying 'What?' It didn't end well for that guy.

I shook my head, smirking to myself, "My sister phoned me and they couldn't find him."

"Umm. Okay…are you okay?" He asked.

I always liked Sam; I liked him in his tight jeans, I liked his gallantry and I sure liked when he easily went along with everything I said. He was innocent that way. "I'm fine. They're just calling the big guns to find him."

"Okay. When do you think—?"

I sighed, "Here's the thing. I don't know when but I know it won't be any time soon." I ran a rough hand through my hair, "I'm sorry Sam. Really, I am. But they know that unless its dire and they have no one else, then to call me. Well tonight they did."

"So…your big date got ruined huh?" He asked with a damning smirk in his voice.

I frowned popping the trunk open, "Sam. I like you. Don't make me change my opinion on you."

"What is she saying?" I heard Sookie ask Sam. I shook my head. I was beginning to get a headache from all of this.

"Hello? Erin, what's wrong?" She asked, her mothering skills coming to full force.

"I just have to help a family member out. Nothing big…you know how it is." I shrugged trying to downplay everything. If I didn't, Sookie would get some twisted form of gallantry and try to help me. I just knew it and I really didn't want her to get hurt. This caring business was hard stuff.

"All right then. But I want you to phone me as soon as you find him, you hear?" She demanded. It took me ten more precious minutes to finally calm her and Sam both back down. I wasn't used to the emotional parade and damned if I would ever willingly do so either.

I locked the house up and with one mournful look, I got in my car and sped away. Leaving my one last, true chance of vicariously living a normal life behind. I wasn't sure what had gotten my brother, but I would make sure that it would never happen again. They didn't need me. They had their lives and their reasons and I had mine. I didn't want to impose; I didn't want to even go near them. The last time I ever saw them, I was trash to their diamonds. I got over my baggage long ago; I just hoped they did as well.


	26. Perfidious Aches, Mendacious Liabilities

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**Note**__: I plan very soon on changing the rating to M for the reasons that you probably all know. If you are uncomfortable with that development or wish for this to be frank but __**not**__**that**__ frank, then maybe I'll reconsider the jostle of __very__ adult themes. It might be on the graphic side, I'm still not sure. __Let me know your opinions on this__. _

"_**I**__ don't see the point of being a human being if you're not going to be responsible to your fellow human beings. Selfishness thefts away the human and reduces you to just a being." ~Candea Core-Starke_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**Perfidious Aches and Mendacious Liabilities**

I drove. It was always odd to me that no matter how far I was, no matter who I suddenly had to become; I always remembered my way back home. The place I swore I would forget, the same place where I had decided whom I would become and what that would entail. It was a good place to start, especially when looking for a needle in a haystack. I didn't know what to expect, nor did I really want to see any familiar faces but I couldn't just walk away. No matter how many times I denied others, no matter how often I refused nostalgia; I couldn't voice the excuse lodged in my throat.

I didn't want to leave Bon Temps either. Which was a good reason, if any, to leave. I had started to become idle; not wanting to go farther than what I knew and what I knew wasn't much. I refused to acknowledge any feelings of wistfulness when thinking about the people I left behind to help my family. I didn't want to think about how Sookie and I were _actually _getting along, or how Tara and Lafayette made me want to rip my hair out, in a good way…if there was ever such a thing. And how Sam, no matter my infinity to dislike trusting people, never ceased to amaze me with his honest open arms.

When I had first come to Bon Temps, I was adamant that I would never like a place filed with open mouths and loose legs. But I had been wrong…not that I would ever admit to such a thing. I didn't miss my stupid home with disgustingly happy flowered wallpaper, nor did I miss the sweaty small closet of a kitchen where I worked. But I sure as hell, did _not_ miss Eric and his stupid deliciously sinful self. _Damn it._

I felt like I was on the wrong side of the blade, the losing fight. I would be both a winner and a loser; I'm just not so sure what infamous title I wanted anymore. I hadn't slept since leaving Bon Temps and though my lids were becoming heavier by the hour, I didn't want to let the weariness lull me. I knew what would come in the dreams and I didn't want to lose any edge I had left against him. I prided myself on playing the stoic, not bothering to be affected by a Norse demigod, who; no doubt, tried at every moment to attempt to unbalance me.

Even though dreaming had been the one place that was truly mine, the one place where I could be whom I actually really was, I lost that when we became bound together. For better and for so much more worse than I wanted to admit. I had to now become just as careful as awake when sleeping, dream or no dream, he controlled that dominion and if I slipped; he would gain the upper hand and gods knew what foolish decisive things I would utter in the heat of the moment. Oh, and there would be heat.

Though I trusted him more than I would have preferred to not admit, I didn't know if I could trust him _that_ much. With all of my dirty little secrets, that could easily be used against me. As I drove, there were people around the world looking for me, trying to hunt me down and exact revenge for the sins I freely committed and gave.

He was a vampire, a powerful old one at that and I knew he would use any artillery to his advantage, even me. I don't think he would intentionally hurt me, but he would use me and degrade me to such lowly standards that to an end, I would be devastated. I had to stand strong, stand against the blowing seductive wind. No matter the sweet nothings he would utter in Swedish in my buzzing ear, or the way I felt about him or even the instant connection whenever he would touch me; I was still a pawn to him. I just hope I never forgot that.

I had a few more days of driving left before me and I knew the moment my eyes slid their traitorous selves shut and heard horns honking angrily behind me, that it was time I rested. I didn't need a car accident to grace me with my already conspiring schedule. It was a losing fight and maybe, just maybe I could get some decent sleep before being bombarded by the likes of him.

I discreetly paid for a room at a no-name motel and shuffled my way towards what would be my haven for the few hours I could rest my eyes. I had grown tired and weary and though I wasn't old; since old persons had more likelihood of weariness, I felt beyond my years. For a few shaming seconds, I realized I almost didn't want to go on. Couldn't go on and I was so very, _very_ tired. But I knew I couldn't allow myself to wallow in such gloriously condemning thoughts, it wasn't healthy and I just had to keep fighting. It was what made me human after all.

I locked the door and dragged a nearby chair under the doorknob, locking out anyone who might manage to break the lock. It wouldn't be a hard feat but at least the door would stop them for however long it took me to reach for my gun. And feeling the way I felt, I would sleep with it under my pillow. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

I didn't bother changing into my pajamas, knowing places rundown as these sometimes didn't bother to change sheets; I threw my jacket on the table and fell into bed. I let satisfaction roll off of me and sooner than I'd like to have admitted, I welcomed the dark haze called slumber.

0000000000000000

I blinked taking in my surroundings. I couldn't help the sigh that escaped or my suddenly clenching fist. I didn't want this; I couldn't want this! Right…?

"I would think you'd be happier. You haven't slept in a few days and from your hollowed appearance, it would seem that you haven't stopped to eat either." The voice condemned coming from the other side of the room. It had been a while since I last heard that one smoky voice; it had been too long. And like an addict, I breathed it in, silently reveling in it.

I blinked away the tendrils threatening to subjugate me and glanced across the room, hungrily. And what separated us? A larger than life king size bed…never let it be said that Eric was anything if not subtle. In his usual black shirt and pants attire, I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like when my fingers—no! Cold baths, cold baths, cold baths…I repeated my mantra until I felt the haze of lust dwindle lower.

I raised my eyebrow at him, crossing my arms over my chest; more for the appearance than not. Even in dreaming, my hands shook to reach out for him; a sad, depressingly desperate thought I would have preferred to not acknowledge. "I don't need a lecturer Eric." I couldn't help the derisive remark that slipped past my lips, nor did I want to.

But when I saw him slowly unfold out of the chair he now vacated, I couldn't help but wish my tongue were muted. I watched him stretch to his full monstrous height, staring darkly at me from across the dim-lighted room. I let my eyes wander, soaking up every detail I could fathom from across the room; I knew in reality, that I would see him again but I also knew it would be for some time.

He slowly stalked towards me, ever the lion chasing the prey. I tried to swallow the nerves threatening to throttle me and I retreated a few steps until I realized what I was doing. I never, _ever _retreated. But with his muscled confident form coming towards me, anyone in their right mind would have done the same. But any other person in their right mind would have never got themselves into this mess to begin with.

"What you need?" He broodingly asked taking the last step towards me, knowing only not even half a foot now separated us. If I stretched up, I could easily capture his lips and claim my prize for my outlandish victory. But was it really a victory? "Let me tell you what I think you need—"

I couldn't deny myself any longer, "You don't even know what us humans need." I mocked, it was low and petty; insatiably immature. But when confronted with my feelings towards him, I always threw the Vampire/Human card up. I was nothing if not a coward.

"You need to be turned over on my knee and spanked until your little ass is burning." He quietly told me. If I hadn't been so entranced by the storm brewing in his eyes or the way his hair framed his face, I would have been listening more intently. But when confronted by Dionysus, one would be greatly overwhelmed.

I swallowed down the sting of uncertainty. Wait…what? Did he just say what I thought he said? Though we had spent hours and hours together, I never once heard him be anything but gentlemanly. Never cursing, never threatening me with bodily harm. If I didn't know any better, I would have said he had been trying to woo me. And damn but it worked.

I tried to ignore the spiked interest, I tried to ignore the fact that he said ass and I was still reeling from the shock. Lust slithered down my spine, tumbling into my stomach warming me. I ignored the sudden throbbing between my legs and glared up at him instead, "You need to be staked." How dare he threaten me with brutally beautiful things like that?

He reared back and for once, I got the rare pleasure of seeing him fight back a shred of shock. It almost made him look…human. He smirked down at me, moving closer still. If I were claustrophobic, this relationship would never work…. did I just say relationship?

"I'm intrigued. You know you aren't strong enough for that." He dryly stated. And all at once I realized how weak I really was. Indeed I didn't have the body strength to go up against him, my telekinesis would be able to hold him off at bay but I didn't have the willpower to stake him. If he hurt me…_when_ he devastated me, I would be powerless against him. I wouldn't even be able to fight myself.

I frowned up at him, "Why is it always a strength tussle with you?" I asked, more hurt than I would have preferred to admit. Couldn't he be like any other guy and just soothe my ornery tendencies?

His hand came up and cupped my cheek gently, rubbing away the worry gently with his thumb, he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me to him and I was instantly soothed. "I am unused when watching myself around you…you…push me." He commented more to himself than me. I knew I was the first human he struggled with, I didn't doubt his abilities, I didn't doubt his suaveness but I doubted us together.

I bit my bottom lip, smiling to myself when I heard him quietly groan from my action. I held onto that feeling of raw, sexual power and moved closer into his arms. I tentatively reached up, running a shaking hand over his muscled chest. And boy was he muscled. If I hadn't been biting my bottom lip, I would have had to wipe my chin from the drool that no doubt would have pooled there.

I ran my hand over his muscles, loving the way they rippled under my hand and when he tensed? I reveled in the power I exuded, to realize that it was only I, a lowly human whom made a strong immortal shake with need? It was heady stuff.

"You know you are sleeping." He whispered into my ear, licking my earlobe in response to my quaking need and lusting shudders. The bound between us not only made it nearly impossible to hide our own feelings away from each other but it made it damn near impossible to hide away our lust from on and another. He knew the exact extent of what he was doing to me and I knew the way I was affecting him. I could also feel his hardness against me and that alone, could never lie. But it made me ache, so much so that it was bordering on painful.

My hand stilled and I pulled back slightly, though it was hard when his iron grip refused me any clemency and pulled me tighter to him. I stared up at him, searching his blue lust darkened eyes for any malice, any reason, any sliver of doubt or lies; I needed something if I were to push him away. But I didn't and for once in our time together, I realized again how this was the _real_ Eric Northman and only in my presence, my presence alone, did he ever lax his mask and let the real one out. It frightened and terrified me, thrilled me and excited me but I could never afford to do that in reality. Neither could he, but in the dreaming realm, with us together; maybe, just _maybe _I could stop pretending.

I shook off my humanistic doubt and decided to go for it. It was a rare moment when I truly blew caution to the wind and my mind could berate me later for it but now? Right now all I wanted to do was feast. Trailing and thinking that at this one stop in time; I didn't want to think of what I would become if I lost my footing and most of all; I didn't want to be Erin from Bon Temps or Alyssa from Milwaukee or even Jen from New York. For now, at this right moment, I just wanted to be me. I just wanted this one moment to be for us.


	27. Haphazard Reverie

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Note: The Rating is now __**M**__. If you are uncomfortable, please skip this chapter. Thank you. _

"_**I**__ am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake."—Renee Descartes _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**Haphazard Reverie**

Wanting someone and needing someone respectively are two very different things and should never be synonymous with each other. Wanting someone would be like wanting a new pair of shoes. We all want things and sometimes, more oft than not, we never get them. But needing someone? Needing someone so bad that you ache, that there is nothing more important in that one moment than the need. _That_ is need.

And I ached.

I ached so waywardly that my need was ebbing into pain; every sensation, every fingerprint on my skin was burning and every breath whispered along my dew littered body was like pinpricks. In a moment of pure, raw, baseless need there is only so much one can handle. And I was far outstretching past my limits.

Vampires didn't need to breathe. It was a peculiar thought that came to me; why, even pushed against the wall with Eric's body covering mine, did I think it? I never knew; and would never admit, that even dreaming about sex with Eric was scorching. I was so hot for him that for a few hysterical moments when his hands tugged my shirt off, I thought the sun had fallen on us. 'Twas nothing but hysteria; which I've never felt in the heat of the moment.

But when a vampire, older than sin itself, was touching you and kissing you senseless? It was okay to have odd thoughts. His hands were rough as they traced patterns and sigils of forgotten languages on my skin; I hadn't thought he'd have been gentle but he was. _He_ was a constant contradiction. He knew exactly what I liked and the inane thing was; I didn't even know. He was rough and gentle and when it came to taking the rest of my clothing off? I had no logical thought on that feat but thankfully he had a little more control over the need than I did.

I didn't think about being seductive, I didn't think about being sexy or if I looked good standing there in my pants and bra. But when he looked down at me, when I saw lust burning brightly in his blue laden eyes? I knew I was sexy then, it was a womanly instinctual thought; I was affecting him as much as he was me. And if the hardness I felt against my belly was any inclination, he was as needy as I was.

But still he took his sweet time admiring me in my attire and I wanted to admire his body; I already knew he was drool worthy and feeling his muscles tense under my fingertips? I wasn't even trying to be coy anymore. Nudity was probably the only viable option now.

I pulled and tugged on his black shirt, ignoring the fact that it was worth more than my car and I didn't let up until I heard a jarring ripping sound accompanied by the shirt slipping to the ground. My breathing had been choppy the moment he touched me but seeing him in nothing but pants? My breathing became harsher and I reached out, running hungry hands over his body.

"What's your hurry?" He grabbed my wrist pulling it away from its tugging at his belt buckle. I let his gruff whiskey voice wrap itself around me and reached around his roaming hands to unbutton my pants. His breaths soon joined the crescendo of mine and I felt a surge of power at the realization that the lowly sights of me affected this old one; this Nordic god. It was heady stuff.

This time when my hands went to his belt buckle, he didn't once stop me. He didn't stop me when I cupped him through the thin fabric of his pants, I didn't stop him from gasping and I sure as hell didn't stop him from kissing me senseless. I could spend years kissing him and still, he would change beneath me. They went from hungry and passionate to possessive and toe curling. But this one? This was pure unadulterated hunger and need. He could swallow me whole if I let him.

I let his pants drop and before I could glance down at my prize, I felt a growl reverberate throughout him. A part of me wanted to reach for my non-existent knives but the other part was so turned on by that possessive sound, by the very danger that emanated from him, that I couldn't stop myself.

My traitorous hands roamed over him and this time, it was my turn to groan when I cupped his muscled butt. I was never into butts; they just weren't my thing but Eric's butt? Oh, it was _definitely my thing. _I dug my fingers into flesh and pushed him against me, moaning when he nipped my lip; I opened my mouth capturing his groan into mine as I slowly ground my hips against his.

I could already feel his heat against me, through my paper-thin underwear, against my belly and I couldn't wait any longer. I knew I was wet, my underwear was probably soaked through but it was something that I couldn't and didn't want to help.

I glanced behind him and shoved with all of my weight. I highly doubted he would have let me move him but I was in a near frenzy now. I knew I shouldn't have glanced down at him but when I saw him twitch and strain further, I was hungry.

We fell together, in a tangle of hot limbs and panting breaths. Even chocking with raw need, he still was the ever gentleman and took the brunt of our weight as we hit the covers. I covered his mouth with my hand when he had opened it to say something, "Mine." I growled pushing him onto his back.

He stared at me further, need washing away his objection to my demand. I looked away before I saw something familiar joining the want. It was familiar enough that I knew it; I had spent enough time running away from it. The deliciously cursed L-word. But he accepted my need for dominance and he submitted though I still felt his hands clench under mine.

"Never let it be said that I don't let a lady have her way." He mockingly whispered.

I let out a throaty laugh, releasing his wrist to run my hands through his hair. I pushed him back down when he tried to kiss me; now wasn't the time, it wasn't what I needed. I inched closer to his side, lifting a leg over to straddle him. I didn't want my warmth to cuddle his, I wasn't ready yet and thankfully he wasn't either.

I watched as he lifted his hands, trailing them over my stomach to my ribs and up again to cup my bra covered breasts. I ignored his administrations but my body didn't; it still surprised me how each caress felt like ignition under my skin.

"If I ever doubt your likeness for me, all I'd ever have to do was reach out and touch you." He smirked seeing how I arched into his hands. My bra was gone now and I didn't even bother to ask where it had flown. I let my damning fingers run their course and grip his hair, I knew his intent and suddenly, it was all I ever wanted. He slowly sat up, giving me more room to move on his lap and slowly, so painfully slow; I watched him lower his head to my right breast.

Pleasure speared through me and I pushed myself closer to his clever mouth. It had never been like this for me, _never like this;_ and after him, every other person dictating my bed would simply not do. I felt a brush of razors around my nipple and I pulled his head back, making sure that I was rough. I didn't want him to bite me, petty wasn't it? Even in dreams, it was something that I would never succumb to. My humanity was my blood; it was all I had left against someone like him, against him. He had charmed his way into my life and preceded all other basic needs and I had met him head-on. But letting him drink from me was something that I wouldn't let go of.

He stared darkly up at me but I looked away. I could give him my body, I could give him my attention but I wouldn't, _couldn't_ give an inch for this. I pushed him back down, sadly feeling the prick of reality consequently from my sudden thoughts. He opened his mouth and I knew what he would say, what he would ask. But I wasn't ready for it and that was an amusing thought in itself. Here I was, clad only in my underwear straddling a naked Eric Northman, albeit in dreams only. And I wasn't ready to talk about my feelings?

I reached out and ran my nervous fingertips along him, reveling at his hardness and when he groaned? All inhibitions flew out the window; it was only about us. Screw mind games, screw reality…this was us. I touched him until he strained against me and when we both couldn't take any more, I bent down and captured him in my mouth. I felt his hands tangle in my hair, pushing me closer to him and for once, I didn't fight against it. I licked and sucked, sipped and nuzzled but when my teeth grazed him on purpose? I didn't even blink against the sudden violent rip sounding in the air as he tore my underwear from me.

"You owe me a new pair." I muttered earning a seductive smile in response.

This is what I wanted and even I couldn't fight myself when I rubbed him against me. "Do it now." He ordered quietly, fighting every urge to push me under him.

But this was my dream and thus, I stayed on top of him, reaching between us to grab him and rub him against me, coating him in my wetness. We groaned together in unison and I eased myself onto him, letting his hands tighten their hold on my hips.

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I jarred awake feeling something inside me burst and my hands between my legs. It wasn't necessarily an inimical thing, waking up with an orgasm or with your hands being the blame. But it was a hollow feeling, after all of my dreaming and all of my piteous hopes, to wake up alone in the middle of nowhere America in some rundown motel? I was hungrier than before I lulled myself to him and my need was burning brighter before my hallowed pornographic stupor. All in all, I was in hell.


	28. Quixotic Reticence

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**I**__nside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where I renew my springs that never dry up.— Pearl Buck_

_**AN:**__ A very, very short chapter to whet my and your appetite. _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**Quixotic Reticence**

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I was in a sad state if I had to constantly remind myself to breathe, just to exist. But that was the truth, my reality had finally consisted of me forcing myself to live just for the sake of living; plus, I was just too damn stubborn to die. Bon Temps seemed like another lifetime away from where I was and when I looked back, the memories of who I was and where I was blurred. My memories were but a bokeh of broken images and self-made lies.

It had been a few days since I finally got settled in with my gypsy family. An odd sensation slithered into my belly, settling in the pit of me the moment I stepped foot into the only house that we actually had rooted ourselves to. It was ironic that after all of my running, I was back home. After all of the angry words and accusations and disgust my family threw my way, I came back. I was dumb, stupid and god, it was a vile thing to admit, but I missed my old life in Bon Temps. But I was a hunter first and foremost, and I had come back home to hunt my brother down. I didn't need validity, I didn't want a mother's hug or approval; at the end of my threads, I knew what I was capable of and I knew I was damn good at it.

I didn't bother answering my phone or replying to the hundreds of text messages from god knows whom. The moment I accepted this…retrieval, I decided it was best I cut myself apart and away from everyone and everything. I was the family's bloodhound after all and it was all that I would ever be, even in reduction.

I traced the scratches on my cheek and uttered a curse, only my family could get the best of me; only my family could ever get away with scratching and hurting me without me lifting my hand in consequence. I had referred to my pursuit of Daniel as a case, that I was the hunter hunting down my prey. My darling little sister hadn't taken too kindly to that and saw fit to leave me with a scratched up face. The intricate designs would be a good reminder for myself, if I could ever face my reflection, it would be a brutal realization that my family had stood by when she had attacked me.

I hadn't wanted to defend myself, this was her way of letting out her grief that we may never find Daniel. And though I would try my hardest, a deeper part of myself knew that even my best couldn't save the accursed.

I couldn't recall the last time I let slumber lull me away from this proverbial and very real hell. In fact, I surmised it has been weeks since I last lost myself to the darkness. I now fully understood the term zombie. It was what I am. I would spend the hours of the day driving around, scouring for any details of Daniel and either I wouldn't come home, I would spend the remainder of the night at a local bar or in the car, watching through the thick glass as the moon fell to the sun. If, perchance, I did come _home_, I would stumble into bed and stare up at the ceiling, wondering if death would come or if it would desire more suffering from me.

I didn't want to think about my emotions, they were but an abhorrent aberration. I refused to admit that I missed Sam and his damn tight jeans, or Tara and Lafayette's attitude. Or even Arlene's non-stop, migraine inducing chatter, least of all Sookie and her annoying bright smiles. Bon Temps was another world away and in the time that I had lived there, I had forgotten who I really was. I had allowed myself one very dangerous thing, the belief in dreams and of the future. I had no future. Whatever I had left of my miserable human life would be spent up hunting and running from those whom wanted to feast on my carcass. It was brutal but I was nothing but honest. I was a damn good hunter but I wasn't a good friend, a good ally and it hurt me more than I would have cared to admit, but I would never be a good lover. Bon Temps had foolishly tricked me into hoping for a future, hoping for anything but what I was and what I would always be.

Cowardly, I was. In part, I did not sleep because I wasn't tired, though I admit, insomnia haunted me dreadfully. I was bone weary and tired, I was so tired, I realized that blinking wasn't necessary to survival. But I was a coward; I didn't want to face what I knew was waiting for me the moment I fell to the other world. He would be waiting and I didn't want to face him. He was the epitome of my weakness. I didn't sleep because I didn't want to hurt anymore. The moment I drove away from Bon Temps, I ripped my heart out and left it in the hands of too many.

I had to admit, I wanted to just concede we were fighting a losing battle to my family but after so many hours, days, weeks had went by, I darkly wondered if anyone would remember me. My desire, when I first stepped foot in Bon Temps was to remain faceless and less than impressive, just another nobody in their daily struggle for survival. But as time stripped away my inhibitions, I began to integrate myself into their quilts and before I knew it, I actually _cared_ about…people. It was disgust, deplorable, terrifying but it was the truth. And oftentimes, I found the truth horrifying.

My life was no longer mine and I hated it. I was doing things for people that had banished me from their memories, not one photograph from my measly childhood remained and still, I gave up the most important things to me just for them. I didn't want to go back, I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to go forward but I knew the reality. The reality was, this was a bucket of ice water to my face. Of sobriety after Bon Temps had drugged me with hope. I was a hunter, I was damn good at finding people and making them disappear. If going after my calling cost me my life, then so be it. I would cease to live, I would just exist for the sake of existing. All I had to remember was just to breathe in and breathe out.


	29. Succinct Roundabout

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**I**__f you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.__.— Maya Angelou_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**Succinct Roundabout**

I slammed my car door shut and stared up at the empty sky. Nothing, I had nothing. After everything on the line, after weeks of slithering through the slums, I clasped nothing but air. The last solid lead of Daniel's whereabouts were weeks old, dry and stale like day old bread. But still I had fought off my realism, and instead, held tightly onto shallow optimism.

His life, or survival meant nothing to me; it was cold and stark but it was the truth. Every day I drove further into the darkness wanting and not wanting to bring him back. In part, I didn't want to be the one to bring him back, I didn't want my bringing him back to appear like it was my way of asking for redemption from my family. No, when or if I brought him back, it would be my last bestowal to my thankless kin of my blood. They were no longer family, we just shared genetic information. No, I had promised myself last night that when the sun came up to greet the world, I would do my best to find answers of Daniel's whereabouts and leave. I had left my real family in Bon Temps…or the closest thing I had ever come to a real family, for this travesty of a 'family' was exactly that, a travesty.

A small fibre of my being wondered if they would even want me back, so much time and days had passed, so many phone calls and texts left unanswered but I was resolved. I didn't care, I would go back and if I had to start from the bottom of the swamp, then so be it. I would continue like I had before I left, I would take as many cases as I wanted and stay at home if I didn't. I was free, no matter the threads that tried pulling me down, I would emancipate myself. I had given too much of life to fallacious people, wherein I had become their pariah. It was time that I did things my own way.

I knew what I wanted and I knew what I wanted to change but in reality, I had no idea how I would concrescence everything. No matter my new glorified change, I still couldn't sleep and I still hadn't really eaten.

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I glanced over to my shrilling phone on the desk in the room I was inhabiting, it was no longer my room; in fact I don't think I ever really had anything here that was truly mine. I shook myself out of my stupor and glanced at the caller I.D, _Sam._

I didn't think about what I would say, I didn't think about excuses or lies, I just flipped open the phone and brought it to my ear, "Hello?"

"Hello? For fuck sakes! That's all you've got to say to me after you've been gone for almost two months?" I winced moving the phone away from my ear. I expected cold silence, not heated yelling.

"Look Sam—"

"No, you shut the hell up and listen. You've got people seriously worried over here, Erin! Tara curses and slams things—"

"When doesn't she?" I couldn't help myself and I swore I heard laughter in his yells.

"Terry has become a mute, Lafayette doesn't even try to be outlandish anymore! And Sookie…"

I winced, I knew Sookie was innocent and green but I honestly didn't want to hear about how I had somehow 'damaged' her. "She stares at her phone all day like a lost puppy."

I shoved myself away from the desk and began pacing. "Look, Sam. If you let me get a word in edgewise."

"Fine." He quietly affirmed.

What had I wanted to say? I didn't know. There were so many things in my head and after spending hours wanting someone to reach out to me and offer me redemption, I honestly didn't know what the hell to say. "My life is a mess." I heard a snort on his end and decided to ignore it, "And I came to Bon Temps under false pretenses." I heard silence on his end and knew I had better explain myself but before I got the chance, Sam began cursing at me. The moment I stepped in Bon Temps, Sam had always been the jovial, trusting, warm hearted and compassionate one; even though I hadn't trusted him at first, he was a gentleman and a sweetheart but boy, he could curse a sailor out.

I reached over on the desk and grabbed the photographs I had paid heavily for and a blank envelope. While he went on a tangent about how a cold-hearted bitch I was, I stared down at the damning photographs in my hand and grimaced, I had wanted evidence but I hadn't wanted graphic evidence. The proof in the form of Daniel, my once alive brother in a compromising position with a human; proof that I knew he was now a fang was in the form of him ripping into a girl's artery with his fangs. It was messy; I had learned the hard way, when decapitating someone, do it swiftly and efficiently. Instead, I had nicked an artery and bled the poor bastard. But the poor girl in the photos was cringing and it was the look of horror and realization that her death was imminent that had me studying them longer than I cared to have admitted.

"Are you listening to me?" Sam shouted.

I laughed acerbically, "Why would I want to hear you call me names? Listen, I wasn't done."

"You have one minute." He threatened. Sam sure had a dark side to him.

"At first I had come Bon Temps to pretend and falsify an existence but I began…I don't know!" I dropped the envelope stuffed with the photos on the bed and began to pace angrily, "I felt like I belonged there!"

I waited, biting my tongue, this wasn't silence, this was deafeningly loud silence, "Are you saying you like us?" Sam asked suddenly sounding jovial again.

I chortled, there was no other way to say it, Sam was Sam and sometimes, he scared the shit out of me, "Do you forgive me?"

I heard Sam snort, "It's not me you have to worry about. Listen, when are you getting back?"

"Very, very soon."

"Good, I'll leave the next shift open for you."

I glared at the phone, hating the dial tone and yet, I was relieved. My skin felt itchy, my muscles felt hot and I felt like my bones, at any moment were going to tear through my skin. I was anxious and antsy to get back on the road and make my way home. There were so many things to do, so many things to say and staying in this house was destroying me.

Opening the closet, I grabbed a change of clothing, my dearest sister would never notice, having been here for weeks on end, I never honestly thought to do laundry. I quickly scratched a _You're welcome_, on the envelope and left it on the bed. I kept it precise; after all of the running around I had done for these people, I didn't even bother looking back when I walked out.


	30. Shattering the Coalesced Design

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**H**__ome is not where you live but where they understand you..— Christian Morgenstern_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty**

**Shattering the Coalesced Design**

I probably broke quite a few speeding laws on my way back, but I was anxious. I had only made one stop, to buy a new phone and kept on driving throughout the night. I rolled down my window and glanced warily at my old phone; though I had no emotional attachment to the damned thing, I had wanted to cut the threads that connected my old kin and life with my new one. I had sent out a generic text to all of my contacts and had pulled aside to send out personal ones to Sookie, Tara and Lafayette. Terry and Arlene…well, we were close but we sure as hell weren't that close. I heard my new cell go off and glanced at it, three new text messages.

I rolled down my window and threw my old life away, enjoying the faint sound of plastic crushing as I sped away. I had a few more hours to dwindle before I crossed the invisible lines of Bon Temps and then I could finally breathe easy. But I knew one thing, I had to go back to Fangtasia first. I had to see him.

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When I had first come to Fangtasia, I hadn't wanted to go in, I had stayed near the end of the line and prayed to any god listening that they wouldn't allow anymore of us cattle in. But they did and I wasn't sorry that they had. I was becoming sickly soft and domestically docile as of late. I cut ahead of the line and ignored all of the curses, I didn't even bother with my I.D this time either. Though sadly, Pam wasn't there, I could have used a verbal match, but one of the fangs must have recognized me since he let me pass uncontested.

No matter how many times I came to Fangtasia, I still abhorred the vile display of sex and degradation. This time was no different; however, I felt the same warmth and tingle the first time I had come and Eric was in the room. I knew the feeling, I would recognize it anywhere, he was here. It was one of the reasons why I hadn't slept that much, it had kept me up most nights, trying desperately to remember and recreate the burn and caress along my skin. I glanced up at the stage where his 'throne' was and died.

I instantly wished I hadn't come, I wanted the world to open its gaping mouth and swallow me whole. I wanted someone to blind me, someone to kill me; at least then I wouldn't have to feel the burning pain of betrayal. At least then, I wouldn't see a woman wearing nothing but a g-string writhe in ecstasy on his lap. Even though I felt my heart tear apart and shatter, I still looked on. I was a masochist of the highest order.

She was rubbing herself against him and disgustingly, I watched as he began to suckle from her breast. I couldn't breathe and my eyes flickered when I caught sight of Pam fidgeting in her seat, I glanced her way and caught her eyes. I shouldn't have come. I read condemnation and appallingly, pity lurked in her glass eyes as well. I didn't want pity, I wanted the old Pam back; the one that threatened to kill me, the one with eyes of a doll, at least then I knew how to handle her. But pity? Fangs didn't do pity. And I sure as hell wanted nothing of pity.

I looked back at the woman and found Eric staring at me instead. I felt whatever was left of my heart shrivel inside me when he kept on ministering pleasure to her and didn't so much as react but rather, raised a sardonic eyebrow instead. I didn't bother reading whatever emotions were lurking in his eyes, the cool ocean fog no longer held any sway over me. I turned on my heels and left, I refused to run, I refused to flee. I walked out. It was the second time this evening that I had walked away but this time almost destroyed me. I just prayed I was stronger.

I walked steadily to my car, shoving aside the urge to scream and cry, rage and withdraw when I felt a few fangs walking towards me. So instead of coming, he had sent his minions to do his bidding. Was he to destroy me or break me? I didn't care and I didn't feel like fighting. I turned around and saw five fangs stop. I wasn't glowering but something deadly must have been lurking on my face to stop five aged vampires cold in their tracks.

"He would like an audience with you." One of them called out to me.

I was done taking orders, I was done _having audiences_ _with him, _I just wanted to curl up and forget about breathing. At least just for tonight. When the sun would rise tomorrow, I would force the hurt away, letting it die in the light. "Tell him…tell him whatever the hell you want." I said quietly, I didn't need to speak any louder, their hearing was impeccable.

When one of them made a move towards me, something in me snapped and I felt my hands heat up. I flicked my hand in the direction of the fang rushing me and he flew across the parking lot, landing against the dumpster with a sickly thud. The other four exchanged a brief look before running towards me; I was weary from all of his games. Had I just been a game? I dismissed the fangs with a wave of my hand and unlocked my door. As I drove away, I didn't have to look back to see five vampires littering the parking lot and I forced myself not to glance back. I didn't want to remember anything of this place.

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I shoved my foot on the brakes and stopped abruptly in front of Sam's trailer. I remembered faintly that he lived here most nights and I hoped he was here tonight. If not, I would break into Merlotte's and drink myself into a stupor. I'm sure I would love to see the bottom of the bottle.

"Erin?" A voice called out.

I glanced through the glass of my windshield and shoved open my car door, "Hey Sam." I tried smiling but when I felt the cracks begin to splinter, I just shrugged, "Guess I'm early, huh?"

"Do you know what time it is?" Sam asked, frowning down at me as I ascended his steps.

"Can I crash here tonight?" I asked. I would never have asked such a personal question, no matter how much I liked anyone in Bon Temps, a lady needs her private space.

He stared into my eyes and whatever he saw must have made his decision easier for he moved aside and let me pass the threshold. "Are you okay?" Sam asked closing the door behind me, I waited until he locked it before I pondered his question.

I glanced around, not really seeing anything but bokeh images. I blinked away the sting as my eyes settled on a lamp on a table next to me, I grabbed a hold of it and looked up at him, "Does this have any sentimental or momentary value?"

He glanced at the lamp quizzically, "Uh, no. Why?"

I nodded and slammed the lamp back down on the table, not bothering or caring to release the glass lamp. "What the hell's wrong with you?" Sam shouted, going to his kitchen and turning the faucet on, "If you're going to smash something, let go of the damned thing first, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." I distantly heard myself reply as I glanced down at my hand and startled myself, my blood was pooling and staining the white shattered pieces of the lamp, an intricate design of broken hearts and empty souls.

"God, let me see your hand." Sam gently pried my hand open and winced, "This is serious, Erin. This is going to need stitches."

I frowned, "Do you have thread and a needle?" My voice sounded off, it sounded monochromatic but I was too past caring to bother.

"Yeah, why?" He glanced up at me and began shaking his head feverishly, "No, I'm not letting you hurt yourself anymore."

"Sam, I'm not going out otherwise." I didn't want any chances of being ambushed by any fangs.

He read my resolve left the table, "You're going to stitch yourself up and tell me what the fuck has gotten into you. Okay?" He called out from whatever part of the trailer he was in.

I began pulling the glass from my hand, not even wincing when I saw the way I had shredded my palm, "Jesus, Erin." Sam breathed above me before falling into a chair in front of me.

I worked in silence, calmly focusing on each thread that pulled my skin taut and began to sew myself back together again. A morbid part of me enjoyed the task, its simplicity allowed me purity in focusing, no lingering thoughts or feelings. Sam handed me a cloth to wrap my hand in after I had finished, "You're going to talk to me now."

I wiped the remnants of my blood off of the table and threw the washcloth in the wastebasket, "He broke my heart Sam."

Sam pushed away from the table and walked towards me, I leaned back, letting the wood dig into my flesh, "He broke my heart and I allowed him to." I said around the wool ball in my throat.

Sam wrapped his arms around me and I tensed, I couldn't recall the last time I had cried and I sure as hell couldn't recall the last time someone had actually sought out to comfort me. "Erin, I'm sorry." It was all that was needed to say. He didn't pity me, didn't offer me any stupid, shallow advice, he just offered me comfort and understanding. For the first time in a long while, I let the tears fall freely and I let go, knowing that Sam would be there to catch me.


	31. Schism of Pseudoreality Lined Truth

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. — Henry Adams_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**Schism of Pseudo-reality Lined with Truth**

It was going to be a rough morning. I was certain of that much.

However, I was slightly wavering on if I had the strength to survive it all. It wasn't about faltering under the slight, heavy grief coiled in my belly; it wasn't about the greasy waves of uncertainty. I had survived the pinpricks of life before and I sure as hell would survive again. But I had never really needed to survive myself. I never was my own enemy.

But now? Now I had to fight against myself, every second that ticked by, every moment that passed me. I had to curl the truth deeper in me, to force myself to accept that…he hurt me. But a part of me didn't want to believe it. It was no longer them versus us; it was no longer me versus the world. It simply was me against myself and all of them.

I could spend the rest of my bitter days cursing with every fibre and breathe that I owned, to scorn _him, _I could rage all day and I would be lying to myself still. The truth of it all, after being reduced and filtered from the biased inner-workings of my subconscious, was that I still loved him. Yes, I still loved him but I wasn't _in love _with him at this point. There was a distinction between the two. I couldn't still be in love and still respect myself…could I?

And that was my problem! Going back and forth between the daisy petals of He-loves-me-not and it wasn't what it looked like. But it was, it was everything that I had never even thought of, it was our ending and my own beginning. It was a bucket of ice to my head, a twisted knife in my heart. He had become my sepsis.

Two days ago, I shattered in Sam's arms. Two days ago, I thought about driving away and leaving the world behind. But two days ago? I was hurt, depressed, stricken; two days ago, I couldn't cope. I never honestly thought Sam would be my benison, but he had helped me wanting nothing in return. He knew nothing of my abilities, what I was truly capable of, who I really was and yet, he helped me pick myself back up the floor, not once judging my insides.

The next day, after I awoke, eyes encrusted with a night of misery, I had stumbled into the kitchen and squinted against the truth that the sunlight had brought forth. The truth that this was my life. This is what I had become. I almost turned on my heels and walked away but Sam had set a glass of orange juice on the counter and in the sternest voice I had ever heard from him, ordered me to drink it.

The acidic sweetness had managed to do something I could not; it forced an epiphany upon myself. An awakening, of sorts. Eric could never change, he was a monster from the day of his birth; becoming a vampire had not changed anything, in fact; for some reason, he had blossomed in the paradigm. I could never change him and if I truly loved him, I wouldn't want to change him. Just as I wouldn't want to change for him. But I did. Against my better judgement, against myself; I had softened under the caress. I should have known that under a caress, one should attack. He had. And he won.

From our inception, we were doomed. Two monsters trying to fight the odds, two monsters trying to be something that we were not; we killed for little to no reasons and yet, I had tried to move against the grain and pretend that I could and indeed, would love. I didn't deserve anything but the way my life had turned out. My family had taught me two of the greatest life lessons I could never have learned otherwise, to never love and to never trust the ones closest to you.

Somehow, I had forgotten that. Oh, silly naïve little me.

"Erin?"

I shuffled my feet but remained near the clearing outside of Sam's trailer. I was lucky in the way that Merlotte's was surrounded by a milieu of trees; at least that had absolved me some oblivion. "Come inside, its freezing out here." Sam urged gently, joining me in my blank perusal of the woods.

Sometimes, in the deepest darkest reassesses of my soul, I wished I could have fallen in love with someone easier. Someone whom wouldn't make me ache so. Someone whom I wouldn't even care for. Someone easy like Sam.

"Are you ready for your shift tonight?" I glanced at Sam through my peripherals and bit back a bitter smile; he was so gentle I almost believed him in thinking I was fragile.

"Hell yes, wouldn't want Lafayette to think I had forgotten his sorry ass." I commented dryly. So dry that I'm sure if there was a match, I could have incinerated the world into ashes.

I hadn't slept much in the past two days, I hadn't really done much but just exist; trying not to rely on Sam overly much. I had made that mistake before and though I knew Sam would never willingly hurt me. I must remain cautious.

I yawned and tightened Sam's shirt closer around me, "I'm going down for a nap." I absently comment, rubbing a weary hand over my head. I've had a headache from the first moment I had left Bon Temps; a headache from blocking out Eric from my thoughts and dreams. It had become almost second nature for me to have my mental shields raised at all times and the headache was a good reminder of the sacrifice.

"But you just got—"

We both stared at each other, me realizing that no matter how hard I tried to remain unaffected, to pretend that I didn't care, I was wrong. I was a fallacy, just going through the accursed motions. And one slip up; ripped away my feigned perfection to reveal the utter, depraved truth. That I was more affected than I cared to admit. I turned from the reality and walked away, leaving Sam to stare bonnily out at the trees that seemed to be content to remain mockingly quiet.

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_She refused to submit. It didn't matter that she knew it was a losing fight, it didn't matter that her hands were snugly tied behind her back…or that she was naked. Nor could she ignore the fact that she was sprawled wantonly on an obscenely large bed as he stood looming over her. Just as supremely naked, perfection and irascibility ebbing from him. _

_She watched him hungrily, letting her eyes drink him in, a drought soaking in the clear, angry taste of the seasons first and only rainfall. He wrapped his fist around himself and began the sensuously slow and dark motions of pleasing himself. _

_She tightened her jaw as her body screamed for her to open her mouth and beg, for her to please him in the basic sense of the word. But she had more to lose than he did. And she was more stubborn. _

_She felt his hand tighten on her chin, a pinch that held more burn, a pain that couldn't rival the throbbing pain between her legs. His grip became concrete and she opened her mouth, unable to take anymore of the painful pressure; hating herself more and more. He growled low in his throat and urged forward. She watched him as she took him deeper, running her tongue over the silky steel of him. God, she could do this for the rest of her life and never get bored. Never get enough of his taste, his addictive smell, the feel of his lust. Of everything and all of it. _


	32. Severed Nerves, Deeper Sepsis

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_Life hangs upon me, and becomes a burden; I am ten times undone, while hope, and fear, And grief, and rage and love rise up at once, And with variety of pain distract me. — Joseph Addison_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

**Severed Nerves, Deeper Sepsis**

My first conscious memory was not of my mother, father or siblings, but rather of a Roma. Another frivolous vacation my mercurial family had strong tendencies for and suddenly we were in Paris, taking the tube. I didn't know she was a Roma, I didn't know anything of the way of the world; the way of cruelty and my deeply ingrained ignorance but my ignorance is not forgivable. I was standing slightly away from my family, a subconscious plea to be different then them, a true testament to the way of myself. Standing there in my own, quiet solemn world of six or seven years old and out of the blue, this Roma came floating towards me.

Her face deeply weathered by stigma, by prejudices of the paradigm so deeply established in her threads, I doubt she knew nothing but sober, grave, listless living. Not living, but _surviving. _She came towards me and stared down at me, not demanding money from my embarrassingly opulent young life, but rather, just gazed into my earnest eyes. She commanded attention; in her time she probably commanded The Gray Ones, a seer among the blind. But to me, she was ethereal, otherworldly to my short-lived existence. She came closer and grasped my shoulders, long bony fingers, with prolonged chipped nails; evanescent of a hawk's claws, dug deep into my muscle. I knew not of curses or of heresy, I knew not of the dangers of strange individuals lurking around a dimly lit tube station. All I could do was wince at the pain and struggle in her hands. She pulled me to her and hugged me tightly, tighter than a corset, tighter than an alligator's jaws clamping shut. I felt her hot, muggy breaths part my hair as she urgently whispered in her heavily accented stuttered English, "Don't give them your good name. Don't tell anyone your good name. Let them make up pet names but never let them know who you are. Don't give them the power of your good name."

Quickly after that she had vanished, I was too stunned by the oddity of it all to really absorb what she had spoken brokenly to me. But years later, I had realized the power behind the words in which she had spoken. The truth underlining every breath she had taken.

Shortly there after, I had taken on different names, so many that my true name, my true self, was buried under the many guises of my new selves. The people whom knew the old me vanished from my life and I admit, I was all too eager to white them out from the papers of my life and memory to care. They had had more power over me because of the name I bore that still lingered in the recesses of theirs and my mind; but it was of no consequence. I refused that namesake and the connotations it held the moment I created myself. Meticulously weaving new lies and hidden truths beneath the many layers of my gills.

Things don't always go as planned or as they should or hell, how we would like them to be. If they ever did, we'd all be living lies of fairy tales, empty promises and broken ever afters. It was this moment in time that I would have never had picked out for myself. Sure, I am who I was and I had borne myself the way that I am but life has a tenacious tendency to throw curveballs more times than oft. But it's up to us to survive them and how we survive them is what makes us who we are. That is all that counts.

I don't regret anything that I did as I made me and I refuse to feel remorse over every decision and self inflicted incision in life. But in my weaker, drearier moments, I may not enjoy the thrust of life or the pounding disappointment of failures and hopes I should never have even thought of.

During my ruminations with myself, the moments when silence and isolation coincide and my all pneumas are non-existent; of no longer being important in this machine but rather, just another wave in motion. I have now, almost desperately taken to working in the kitchen again at Merlotte's. No one mentions my return, no one mentions my disappearance, or my pallor appearance, my lack of will and my confounding silence, which doesn't bother me but slowly ticks away their determination to remain mute.

It is unlike Arlene not to chatter incessantly, it is unlike Lafayette to be polite and civil, Sookie to treat me as a baby in need. I still stay with Sam, I haven't been on my own since the moment I broke in his arms. I don't trust myself alone and I don't trust the darkness any longer. The same darkness in which I used to revel in but now am almost afraid of.

I work in the kitchens until I almost am too exhausted to keep my eyes open and when my shift is done, a thrill of panic and a new flutter of energy overtake me. The walk from Sam's trailer to Merlotte's isn't even a minute walk but I still refuse to walk to and fro when darkness descends. When the trees are shrouded in inky black anonymity, I wait idly for Sam to finish his accounting and pay roll after every shift, content to stand outside his office and wait for him. Another time, another lifetime away, I would have been too impatient to even want to wait for someone else.

The idea of waiting for someone else seems irrelevant and ludicrous to me. But there I would stand, waiting deathly still for him to finish, lock away the money in the safe and come out of his wooden office. Every night, I'd look everywhere but at him, I'd ignore the worry and frustration burning in his damned gaze but I always knew when to reach over and grab his hand. I always knew, he'd never betray, hurt, or condemn me. We'd walk towards the back door and a shrilling thrill of terror would overtake me, my breathing stuttering in and out, sometimes not at all. I would suddenly have images of _him_ lurking outside, waiting to finish me off. Maybe he would send a nameless lackey, or let Pam have an early Christmas and have a go at my throat.

By the time we walked past the threshold, Sam would have to half carry and drag me towards his trailer, like an old weary woman, too bone tired to want to feel the sunshine beat down on her gnarled back. Before I would pass out, I would walk around the trailer, making sure not even a lost soul could filter through the cracks and I would collapse on the couch, or a chair or even leaning against a wall. Pacing was the only way for me to fall asleep at night, the only way for me to give in, regardless of how tired I was. I would pace until I was too sore and tired, then I would find something to support my weight and let my inner darkness shove away my bone aching emptiness

I had a constant headache, borderline migraine that became my un-abating friend the moment I had left Fangtasia and _him_ behind. I had thrown my mental shield so high and strong, a cement fortress that not even a cockroach of _his_ could scuttle into. But I was left with the permanence of our separation, or rather of my cutting away any threads that still connected us. The consequence of falling was the unrelenting headaches. Even when I slept, I never let go; and when I awoke, my head was never clear but rather, throbbing with shards of so many yesterdays of mental anguish.

I found that words didn't need to be spoken, I had transcended such things; I was a hunter afraid of living. Nothing more pathetic existed and since I had come back, my phone, my contacts, my well of jobs had dried up, like water droplets in the Sahara Desert. I had stirrings of rage, a monster unfurling within me, too long asleep to remain passive. But I held onto the reigns of control, I couldn't lose myself until I had an outlet. And I sure as hell wasn't going back to _him_ to gain revenge. I wasn't petty, I had dropped him, turning my back and erasing everything to do with _him, _from my life.

My life of silence and behind my back utterances; I knew they speculated. People often will speculate just to fill the void in their existences but they were wrong. How further they were from right when they never even knew me. As of late, when someone would call my name, be it Sookie in her careful, quiet voice or Sam in his lazy drawl, it would take me more than a few times to realize that Erin was the name I was supposed to answer to. It was weirdly odd. I had created Erin and in certain terms, I had created myself to be her, to accept that name as reflection of what I should be in this Podunk town. And in being her, I had let myself fall into hope, fall into the belief that life wasn't cruel or painful. But rather than be free of the root and truth of my name, of my true self, I had somehow confined myself into this unparallel definition of falsities.

The weight of my true name and self was unbearably easy at times, a quiet chip on my shoulder to bear, a maleficent Atlas wanting to purge the weight and watch the world burn. And given the chance, I would have forsaken everything and anything just to lose myself to my name. To the power of it all. It was as if, by accepting my name, I accepted myself wholly, not just in parts and fragments but utterly and entirely. Along the way, I had just lost myself to the motions of it all, the depravity of our mud and loss of humanity. Maybe losing _him_ had given me something back in return. Maybe I had to cut my own heart out and divest of it, watching _him_ devour it so I could shed myself of my corruptible marrow and flourish into my own validity. That, however arbitrary I make things out to be, it was fitting that I forge my own convoluted path.


	33. The Steps of Gold and Coal

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.__ — __Donna Roberts _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

**The Steps of Gold and Coal**

Resolved.

This was the flesh that I was borne in and I would meet Hades in the same musculature; I was the one that had sewn myself into Erin and though that was not my true name, it held something my true self often refused. It held redemption. So my heart was ripped out and devoured in front of me as I watched idly by; I refused to let the pain fester its way into my marrow. A self-inflicted sepsis of sorts. I was tired of being in pain; I was tired of seeing the world in monochromatic bokeh images. I wanted to feel the sun caress my pale pallid skin; I wanted to have a tan and soak up the days, anything to distinguish the undead and myself, really. That, though I am a monster, I still can be saved, that I'm still alive.

I was walking on proverbial eggshells and the people around me were walking through landmines. I was done hurting myself and I sure as hell was done hurting the people closest to me, even if I was too stubborn to acquiesce. Maybe I did need help, maybe I needed help to see the world again, to rip away the stitches from my eyes and pry them open. At least then, I'd the wonderment and the cruelty, the humane and the inhumane. A duality of bitter and sweet.

I locked the door behind me, snorting to myself. I knew I had found myself when I began to see the humour in little trivial details. I settled myself more firmly into my skin and descended the stairs of Sam's trailer; why I locked the door was beyond me. In this small town in the middle of nowhere America, there were more monsters that couldn't be felled by a simple thing such as a locked door.

The smell of dusk settling over the trees was one of the things that I had taken for granted since coming to Bon Temps and I didn't know how much my soul needed to feel the peaceful quiet until I felt the monsters in me settle at bay. I was still hesitant to step outside alone when the sky was the colour of the abyss, but I was no longer petrified. I was more dangerous than a newly made fang and I had destroyed more monsters than I cared to admit. When my end would come, I'd be fighting till my last breath.

I saw Terry standing outside of Merlotte's near the door, leaning against the old wood, idly waiting. It hit me a few seconds later, that _I _was the reason why he was waiting. He was keen, he'd have to be to survive the wars that he'd seen but I didn't think anyone really noticed my newly green terror of the dark. It was just like Terry to become my guardian, if only I had fallen for him instead. My life would have been so much simpler and easier to handle, but I always had to choose the hardest paths to pave.

He stumbled slightly and stood up straighter when he noticed me watching him, slowly coming closer to him, a foal approaching another foal. "Hi Terry." I cleared my throat from its huskiness; it had been a while since I had used my larynx.

He swallowed audibly, nodding, "It's good to talk to you—I mean, see you…"

I smiled slightly, only Terry and his endearing awkwardness could make me smile again, "Its nice to talk to you too. I haven't been feeling…myself since coming back."

Terry stared intently in my eyes, "Don't let him destroy you, Erin. You're too good for that."

I blinked away the sting of hurt at the mention of _him,_ but shrugged, "I'm tired of pain. I just want everything to be normal again."

"How about some therapy?" Terry asked moving away from the wall.

I blinked, not sure if I should be insulted or zealous, "What?"

Terry smiled, and began ushering me towards the back door of Merlotte's; though I was on the mend; I still wasn't up to facing large crowds and interacting with them. Something Terry picked up on, "You know…kitchen therapy. Plus, you get paid instead of paying someone else!" I snorted and walked alongside him.

0000000000000000

I let out a sigh of relief into the balmy, sweltering kitchen; it felt good to be back. To throw raw ingredients together and through hard work, something was created, a piece of art that people could enjoy. Though, bar food wasn't really art, I couldn't have been more content.

I found myself working quietly alongside Terry, just as I had done before the cracks in the earth in my world began. A peace that I looked so long for settled into my bones and I let out an appreciative noise, who knew I'd have to cut away all of my old kin, get my heart ripped out of my chest, break down and live with my boss just so I could find this uneasily simple contentment. "Hey…Erin?"

A timid voice asked from the kitchen door and I forced myself not to cringe, it was always easy to convince yourself first that everything is okay. It's even harder to do so with an audience. Terry glanced worriedly at me from the flattop and I nervously smiled, "Sure, Sookie."

Sookie was a great girl; when we had first met I had wanted to rip her throat out and I bet she had wanted to do the same with mine. But after our truce…it was just effortless to fall into a friendship with her. Facile and terrifying, all at once. I wiped my hands once more and followed her out of the kitchen, keeping my eyes averted from any onlookers, making sure no one could read anything in them; I didn't want to play games any longer but I've come to realize life is one big game. And I sure as hell wasn't giving anyone an advantage to read something lurking in my eyes and hurt me.

I settled myself outside of Sam's locked office, leaning as I had done so many nights before waiting for him. But this time, I looked expectantly at Sookie and waited for her to say something.

She swallowed and moved closer to me, "I'm worried about you, Erin."

I shrugged nonchalantly, downplaying the recent events of melancholy, "Don't be. I'm fine."

She scrutinized me and though she was a little thing, I had to shove away the urge to squirm under her gaze, "I don't think so. I think you're going to be okay but not now. You're still struggling."

"Look, Sookie, if this is your idea of a good time…" I roughly ran my hand through my hair; I needed a haircut, "I don't need people to be worried about me."

She frowned, "I think you do. Because if you didn't, then Sam would never have let you stay with him. Terry would never lurk around after your shift making sure you got to Sam's trailer okay. Tara would never curse your name under her breath and Lafayette wouldn't shake his head all the time at the mention of your name. And I…I wouldn't lose sleep over you."

Staring at Sookie's tear-stained face, some stagnant misery uncoiled from within me; these were the people that cared about me, they were my namesakes for the person I had become, my immolation into Erin. I nodded and opened my arms; sometimes words didn't need to be said just so they could be felt. And in that moment, I felt more things than I had felt in a long time.

0000000000000000

I gave the stainless steel counter one more swipe with my wet cloth, and squinted at Terry's back as he washed the stove. He was a good worker; I could see why he had made a brilliant soldier. All night we had thrown verbal jabs at each other and it had felt freeing to be able to let myself go and not worry if he was going to use what I said against me; it was too bad that it had come to this though. I glanced once more at his unsuspecting back and dunked my cloth in a now cold pail of soapy water. Just too bad.

I threw the wet ball in the middle of his back and bolted from the kitchen into the night air. For once, I let myself go into laughter and shrieks, forgetting about what monsters that lay in wait at night. For once, I just enjoyed the moment of outrunning someone and tackling him down to the ground. We wrestled for quite a while, out back, behind Merlotte's and the prying eyes of nosy townspeople.

He offered me a truce and we gingerly got up, "I'm too damn old for this." Terry groaned out, pulling me to my feet.

I refused to agree but couldn't help the wince as I felt the squeaks of old muscles cry out in protest, "Old my ass. You're not even thirty-five." I snorted.

Terry was one of a kind. Him and Sam shared something lacking in men…and in people. A kindness and thoughtfulness that shocked me. I had really needed this time to let go and to enjoy the simpler things in life. It had only taken a rough WWF-style wrestling match with a veteran to be aware of joys in this sometimes-rancorous life.

I walked up the stairs of Sam's trailer, "Thank you Terry." I quietly said into the humid night air.

He glanced up at me from the bottom of the stairs, "For what?" He asked confusedly.

I smiled, "For being you, I guess." Before I could belittle myself by saying many more mushy type things, I unlocked the door and walked inside, ignoring the little thud my foot made as it encountered a very thick envelope that my foot knocked as I walked past the threshold.

I glanced back, making sure Terry hadn't noticed anything and saw that he had already began to walk back towards Merlotte's. I sighed, ignoring the nervous flutter in my stomach as I saw my name boldly printed on the brown envelope. I silently thanked whichever god was listening at my luck, that Sam was still locked away in his office and that I was suddenly very alone. I closed the door to the trailer, not bothering to lock it, whomever wanted me had to come and get me; a flimsy lock wouldn't stop them.

I sat down at the kitchen table and dropped the large envelope on the wooden tabletop, ignoring the resounding echoing thud it made. A resonating admonition of guilt and unrelenting damnation. I lightly ran my hand over the letter envelope and felt the screaming in my head stop and the reverberating power that seeped from the thick envelope. I didn't clue into it then, whose power it was; though subconsciously, I knew all along. Subconsciously, I had been waiting for my opponent to make its move.

I unfurled my fists and with a zeal and viciousness that had laid dormant in me for too long, I ripped open the envelope, its contents splaying all over the table. A damning tableau of how I had set myself up for my own execution flaunted itself, mocking me for my naïve stupidity. Staring down at the photos of the very last time I had been at Fangtasia, in the parking lot, to be exact.


	34. The Stench of Undeniable Truths

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it._

_**M**__onsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win. __ — Stephen King_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**The Stench of Undeniable Truths **

And that is how Sam found me. Staring unblinkingly at the photos, not moving, not even sure if I was really breathing. I couldn't make sense of it all and yet, how could I not? How could I ignore the fact that there was photographic evidence of me felling aged vampires without so much as lifting a finger? And how the hell could I ignore the fact that I was letting Eric twist the blade deeper in my heart. This was his way of telling me that he wasn't finished with me. I clenched my hands together, enjoying the crinkling and ripping sound of the glossy photos as they warped in my hands. Though these weren't the originals, it was satisfying to destroy the photos, I felt like I was rejecting everything about him and what I reluctantly felt for him. I was destroying the truth that I couldn't deny myself any longer. That I had been and was a pawn in his sick, twisted little game. And I somehow lost my heart along the way.

"Erin…?" A voice called through the tunnel, or at least it sounded as if Sam was speaking through a long tube, I couldn't hear past the rushing waves trying to pull me under.

"What is all this?" He asked, tugging the crinkled and crumpled photos from my locked grasp. "What the hell?"

"That's me, Sam." I quietly said, pointing wearily to a very clear photo of me flinging my hand up and a vampire flying through the air, "And that's a fang."

We stayed that way for a while, letting the silence comfortably settle around us. Pillowing our distinct realities as they began converging, we all had secrets and Eric had forced me to reveal mine to Sam. I wasn't really afraid of the stones they may throw, I wasn't afraid of the words of condemnation and I sure as hell wasn't afraid of the whispered threats behind my back. But this was Sam and regardless of my fearlessness, I _actually _cared what he thought. What was happening to me?

"Erin…I don't know how to make sense of this." Sam sighed throwing the wrinkled photos on the table.

I swallowed; I never really planned on telling anyone but if I even had a remote choice, Sam would have been it. He was affable enough that even if I weaved an elaborate tale with a rotten thread, he would feign belief to pacify me. "What don't you understand Sam?" I asked nonchalantly through the pounding of my heart.

"That you are fucking Jean Grey from X-Men. Is this some kind of a joke, Erin?" Sam asked quietly and even as the words left his mouth, the truth was blaring through his eyes and my stomach dropped. Did I honestly expect him to believe me? When was the last time anyone ever believed in tall tales that was I?

I didn't bother saying anything, I could defend myself until my lungs collapsed and still I would be condemned, despite everything that Sam and I had together…if there were even a miniscule thread connecting us, he would never believe me. What could I ever say to refute the undeniable truth that was perfectly photographed that went against the social norms of reality?

I concentrated on a crumpled photo on the table and before I could consciously process what I would do, what this night meant for me, the photograph hit Sam in the face, earning a loud expletive from him. "You know what Sam? I thought you'd be different. We all have secrets and fuck it, here's one of mine." I snapped sweeping a glance around his place before nodding to myself.

In all honesty, I've been waiting for Eric to make his move; did I actually think he'd let me go without fully using my capabilities to his whim? We could all lifelessly pretend and dream about diamond rings, concierges and satin sheets but the reality of the matter was, Eric wasn't a romantic. Sure, he might give you a nice epitaph before he ripped your head off, but he could never give you fairy tale love and a happy ending. I fell endlessly for Eric because of who he was, not who I wanted him to be but along the way, I forgot the monster within him, just as he forgot mine.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked, following me around his place as I searched for my car keys.

"I think I'm finally ready to get out of your hair Sam." I replied, sighing triumphantly when my hand grazed the key's edge that had somehow rammed itself between the cushions on his couch.

I had to admit, I wasn't afraid anymore. In fact, I was as fearless as I ever had been and I had a deep nagging urge to tear things apart with my own two hands. It felt good to be back in my own skin where I knew that I was just as dangerous as the monsters lurking in the dark. My surroundings felt newer; they seemed brighter than ever before…who knew all it had to take was for my heart to be ripped out for me to start enjoying life again?

The door slammed shut behind me and I breathed in the chilled tenebrous air and walked to my car, enjoying the crunching sounds of rocks and gravel groan under my determined feet. I drove with confidence across town to my place, enjoying the silence of the dead of night, comfortable in the knowledge that they wouldn't come for me; Eric would want me to stew and to unravel under the tension, of which, I wouldn't do. Yes, I'd wait, it would give me time to prepare for the war but I sure as hell wasn't tense. Oddly, I was more relaxed than I've been in a while.

When my foot hit the threshold of my place, my insides eased and though I'm adamant that I'm not sentimental, I felt something I've never felt before. I felt like I was finally home.


End file.
